Feather Drop, a tales of xillia fanfic

Hey, I know. "I said not to" but I got a little lonely. Give me a break, will you? Considering you're reading this and you didn't burn it since—hey, you got this far, right—I'll just keep going. I'm not sure if I had something pressing to say. Hadn't seen you in awhile is all. Between the two of us, one of us disappearing? I shouldn't be surprised. I'm really not. I know the arrangement pretty well already.

When you left last, you gave me that look. You know that one where you glare over your glasses, but I can tell you're not really that mad? That's the one. I said something stupid, but you keep letting me get away with it. I dunno if I should be getting burned up or keep pushing my luck. Stuff comes out of my mouth and there it is! Can't really stop that. I'm hoping that's a positive feature 'cuz something's keeping you here. Besides the devilish good looks. That's the easy one to pick out though.

I'm rambling here, aren't I? Just a few words, saying I'm stuck waiting back here for now. You just sneak your tail on back here. Maybe when I'm up this time?

There's something about this city; something kind of familiar and very different at the same time. I could explain it—maybe someday, but for now I figure you don't want to hear. I could try getting all poetic about it; I don't see you eating that up though. It's not like you owe me a story back. I'm still not asking. Like it's anybody's business.

Playing mysterious is part of the allure, right? Drink your alcohol heavy and tell vague stories at the bar, pick 'em up in lines? I'm not picking anyone up, maybe you're doing it better than I have. Scooped me up outta somewhere, right? Definitely a catch. At least the catch of the day.

I know you're shaking your head at this right now, but you're going to give me that look next time around and it's gonna be gone in an instant. Mark my words on that one.

No love letters this time. Pretty sure they last ones weren't worth keeping anyway. I was never much of a poet.

Will be back around soon. I didn't forget what I said last time. Before you know it, all gone.

I made good on my word. See? You can count on me a little, at least for that much.

Probably not the best way to start this, but I put it in ink. That stuff's surprisingly permanent; a lot really isn't. And I decided to keep on writing this and stop tossing the ones where I don't dot my i's and cross my t's. Getting all nitpicky isn't like me. You can nitpick at me all you want to, but that's your job, not mine. I'm getting off track, aren't I?

I'm glad you came back around. There. Plain and simple, right? No diving around looking for ladies across the bar, not getting impatient. I waited. I guess that's the tiniest shred of a thing you'd expect out of someone in my position, but I'm not exactly the best at waiting around. Or getting things right. Sorry for when I screw it up.

You stopped giving me that glare though, didn't you? I didn't screw that part up. The cool beauty thing has always been one of your features I like, but you smiling's definitely a big step up from that. You just keep on doing that. At least like you did then. Hey, you can even do that when I'm not looking! I'm a gift, I know. You really needed me pointing that out.

Running short on time and space here. Stay put, will you? You'll barely even notice I'm not there, maybe. Kinda hoping you do though.

You did the staying put thing really well. I guess it's me taking off this time. I didn't go too far, I can tell you that much.

This whole set up like it is, I haven't needed to write in awhile. I'd like to think I won't have to be writing too much more pretty soon. You're probably sick of burning these things anyway. Although, you really can send a bit more back if you wanted. The bird'll wait around. Just a few minutes to put down what's on your mind. We were pretty clear last time though. At least, I got that feeling. Less talking and more me not mouthing off at you, right? Even if I have to shut up a little sometimes, it's not company I'd take back, you know. I'd do it all over again. Even the part where you chucked my drink into my face on more than one occasion. A waste of good drink, but I think I could weather that much.

Think you could share a little more next time? I'm not going to push, but consider me hungry for it. I won't forget it after all. Never do.

A dry wind blows over this stretch of land; a lonely desolate place. I too, feel like I may very well dry up and be done with. I could not have guessed that what was once a short jaunt across the way has become a dragging excursion into the very depths of every sort of deprivation. How long has it been since I felt you last?

There we go. I stopped to get a bite to eat and a nosy little old woman decided she was going to watch me write. Think it got too spicy for her. Your loss, I guess. Although, you probably thought you got the wrong letter, didn't you? You let me know if you like it and maybe I'll write a little more next time.

It does feel like it's been a long time though. You take care until I get back.

Hey. Wanted to say I'll be back soon. Make sure you wait up for me. It's important.

Jill,

It was good to see you there when I showed up last time. I'm not sure if I ever made that clear. Maybe whatever I had to say wasn't that important—not enough to remember anyway. You should probably just forget it. Forget a lot of things. I say mostly garbage anyway, right? It's not like there's any reason to talk about it later either.

These past few days and the time before that, I'm not going to forget it. You gave me a pretty damn good chance, didn't you? But here I am, taking off again. This one might be for a little while. I figured you didn't want to hear any of that "goodbye" stuff so I'm writing you now. Go ahead and hate me for it if you have to, but I'm saying something now, aren't I?

Write something back maybe? Just once wouldn't hurt you. But I can only push you into so much; it is really up to you at the end, same as everything else. It feels pretty good sometimes—to write you a letter. At least I can think it over, maybe say something a little less stupid than usual. I saw the last, longer letter with some of your things. You never did trash the others, did you? It's good to know. If it made you a little happy then all the better.

This might be my last chance to say something for awhile, but it's been nice being around for awhile. I wouldn't mind doing it again sometime. For now though, I'm going to have to say "see you around." Better than a "goodbye" I think. So, see you around. Someday.

Jill,

Or Presa? Mink? I'm not sure which one you would have wanted me to call you now. I read your letter. Sorry I didn't stick around; I couldn't do it this time either. I thought I'd failed you enough times by now that you should hate my guts. Not exactly, huh? I'm not sure how. That's a lot more than I deserved. These kids give me a lot more than I earned too. We'd both say they're stupid for it, but they let me come back again and again. Even if what I've done isn't something anyone can forgive too easily.

I decided I'm going to go slow this time. Actually do it, really stick to it. I can't keep running forever and considering they gave me a chance I should probably take it. I don't have a lot of other places to go; not anymore. I burned too many bridges. I burned pretty much every bridge, there's only a couple people left that'll even look at me. It's a colder feeling than I'd realized.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did before. I know it's too little too late. You would have been better off if we'd never met; I'm sure you thought that at least sometimes. I think that's probably the case with pretty much everyone around me though. But for you, I'm really sorry. I can't apologize enough times and I can't say it to your face either. Not anymore. But believe me, when I croak, wherever I wind up, I'll make sure that's the first thing I do. Whether or not you want to see my face, I'll say it right. I don't think you'd take me back one more time. I betrayed you enough so I won't ask for it. But know I'm coming, eventually.

For now, I have to keep going. I won't forget when you were still around though. I really didn't over all this. I'm not sure I could even if I tried. I'm not going to mope on it; I was never really good enough for what I had then.

I'll find something more productive to do, something I can do to help with the decision we made—that they made. That kid's a lot better at sticking to a choice than I ever will be, but maybe I learned a little hanging around with him all this time. We can't really take things back so I better do it right the first time. Like I should have before. You'd laugh at me for getting all misty eyed over this. I got a lot of growing up left to do and you're missing out on it.

I wish you hadn't dropped. You should see where we're going, the work we're going to do. Somehow I'm the one left here. Between the two of us it had to be me, huh? I always thought it'd be you. I don't know if I should be apologizing for that or if that's something I can even do. I'm sorry though. I'm going to just have to see it through in your place. I can't really fill that, but I'll at least take a damn good look at it and if you asked, I'd fill you in. Even with the best I can do, it's not all that much, is it?

I'm sorry again. And I'm sorry I never spoke it very clearly when I had the chance. I'll be here. And I'll keep remembering. Even if you'll never read this letter, you saw the old ones. I meant all that; I'll keep remembering you. At least once, I'm going to keep my word on something.

I'm glad though. You finally did write me back eventually. For all my pushing, you had to wait until the last minute, huh? But thanks for thinking to send me that much. You were too good for me. Thank you.

I'm not sure what this means yet, but I'm going to go ahead and say it: See you around, whenever or wherever that is. I'll be here.