'All fair in love and war."-Francis Edward Smedley
A man and a woman lay beside each other on grassy hill. The hot sun beamed down on them, illuminating the mans silky blond hair. The woman lying beside him runs her fingers through the pale strands and he closes his eyes and allows the soft touch of her fingers to ease his worried mind. They both remain silent. His arm is around her waist and he pulls her close, pressing her body against his. She doesn't resist. He leans down and presses his lips against hers as his hand strokes her face tenderly. It almost like she's made of glass and he's afraid that if he touches her too roughly, she may shatter. When they break apart, she positions her head on his chest, sighing happily.
Who are these two people? The man is James Nicholls. Who is she? She is Anna Brown. And this is their story.
James Nicholls was a quiet, kind man who rarely thinks of himself and always puts others before his own well-being. When he was young, he had to take care of his mother, who was going blind after a bad accident she had when James was only two. James often did the housework and took care of his mother. When he wasn't doing that, he was focusing on his schoolwork. James was always a soft-spoken person who was always thinking of others before himself.
Anna Brown was almost the complete opposite of him. She was still young and was still very much a child, playing in an adults world, a world she didn't understand. She was naïve to the ways of man. James vowed to not be the one to taint her image of them. James was always a cautious man. He knows he should not be doing this with her. She had so much of her life left and she shouldn't be wasting her time with him. But perhaps it was her carefree nature, the way she would run through the fields and laugh as if there is not a problem in the world, that made him forget that a war is brewing. The safe world he knows will soon change forever, ke knew that. The war plagued his mind. It made him stay awake at night, sick to his stomach with worry. But when he was around Anna, he managed to push it from his mind and he could enjoy his days once again. James had met Anna at his friend's wedding. He was having a particularly bad day that day...
James sat alone as the other guests danced. He had no care for the festivities. His mind was far away, thinking about the war that was surely coming. He had worried himself sick that day. He had barely eaten or drank anything.
He leans back against his chair, letting out the breath he had held. He began looking around the room, trying to find something to focus on and distract his worried mind. And that's when he saw her. She was wearing a soft pink dress and her hair was braided and piled on top of her head. Some small flowers were weaved between the dark strands. She caught him staring and he couldn't help but blush. She looked away from him, shyly. But he could see the smile playing on her lips. The room had become too hot for him, so he stood and made his way outside into the crisp Autumn air. He breathed it in, allowing it to fill his lungs and cool him off. He fished a cigarette out of his pocket and placed it in his mouth. He lit it and blew a puff of smoke into the air, watching as it spirals into the dark and up to the stars. He heard the door behind him open, which was followed by soft footsteps. He turned around to see who this new person was, expecting it to be a man out for a smoke, like himself. But that's not who it was at all. It was the girl in pink, the one he saw before. She smiled at him and he couldn't help but do the same.
"I'm very sorry if I'm bothering you," she says quietly.
"No bother at all, I assure you. What is your name, my dear?" he asks her.
"Anna. What's yours, sir?" she asks him.
"Oh, please do not call me sir. I feel old," he says, still with the smile toying on her lips. She laughs at him. "My name is James." he adds.
They spend the rest of the night together. And not once did he think of the war...
James discovered he lived close to Anna, so it was easy for them to see each other. They kept their meetings private. Anna was still young, and he didn't want to defile her image. So, they would go to their field. It was a difficult place to find, you had to follow a winding path and then go through some bushes with thorns. James would often carry her through them, despite her protests. They met each other often. It was there that he kissed her for the first time. And when he would be with her, the war never entered his mind. Perhaps that was why he loved her so and perhaps that was why he could not bear to let her go. And with the recent death of his mother... Anna is all he has left.
Anna has fallen asleep on him. Her breath tickles his face. He reaches up and runs his index finger along her jaw. She stirs under his touch. Being around Anna did bring James happiness. However, he knew that what they have could never last. She has a life to live... And he has a war to fight.
They could never have a life together.
o0o
James runs his pencil over the creamy white paper, allowing the dark lines to do as they please. He hears the door open and Jamie Stewart walks in. He throws a quick glance at James before pouring himself a brandy.
"What are you doing?" Jamie asks after swallowing almost half his glass.
"Just some drawing," James responds then takes note of the half empty glass. "Are you aright, Jamie?" he adds when he notices the Major's grim demeanor.
"I'm miles away from my home and family and I have not seen them in almost a year. I can honestly admit that I've had better days." Jamie responds and then downs the rest of his brandy and leaves James alone once again. Jamie has told James often about his family. His wife was a pretty little thing, with beautiful blonde hair and pale blue eyes. His son was nine years old, with the same bearings as his father. But his little girl had the same beautiful features as her mother. James knew that the little girl was the apple of Jamie's eye. He loved that little girl more than the world itself. It saddens James greatly that Jamie has to be away from his family for so long.
James places the pencil down and glances at his paper... Only to find he had drawn a girl wandering a field. He sighs and closes the leather-bound book. He has not seen Anna in almost a year. Thinking of their last meeting brings him happiness as well as pain...
Anna's sitting beside James, her head resting on his shoulder. They're sitting in their field, the sun has started to go down. James has his arm is wrapped around her waist. She's gripping his hand so tightly that he's sure there's bound to be a bruise forming. He runs his finger over her hand, stopping at her fourth finger. And there lays a ring. When she turned twenty, he asked her to marry him. He realized that the very idea of her not being in his life scared him. So he asked her. He thought that maybe she would say no... Perhaps this was a stupid idea. But the moment he asked her, she said yes. Not a moment of hesitation. But they haven't told anyone. War is coming and there are bigger problems to worry about. So it's their secret. They haven't decided when to do it, but they know that now is not the best time. James looks down at her... And only then does he see the tears running down her cheeks. He immediately sits up and takes her face in his hands, wiping the tears away. She stares at him, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears.
"Annie," he begins, using the nickname he gave her when they first met. She opens her mouth to answer, but no reply comes out. So he continues. "Sweetheart, tell me what's troubling you."
She tears her eyes away from him and takes a breath before answering. "My parents... They're scared of the war. They want to send me away to live with my grandparents in Devon." she chokes out. His breath hitches in his throat. She has to leave. Of course, she'll be safer in Devon. That's what he wants of course; for her to be safe. He had tried to prepare himself for this day... The day when he would say goodbye to her for, perhaps, forever.
Anna turns back to him and puts her hand on the side of his face, making his blue eyes meet hers. Her hand is trembling. "Oh please say something." she whispers.
"You will be safer there. You must go."he tells her. More tears spill out of her eyes.
"I do not want to leave. I do not want to leave you. I love you." she tells him. His own hand goes up to cover hers... But then he takes hold of it and takes it away from his face. He brings it down to her lap and releases it.
"Annie... You must do as they ask. They're your parents. Their wish is to protect you and keep you safe. If not for them, then go for me." he asks her. He's shamed to hear his voice crack.
"You want me to go?"
"I want you to be safe," he responds. He wipes another tear away before continuing. "And you know that I have to leave soon too."
"Must you go to war? James please don't... I cannot bear the thought of something bad happening to you. Please, James! Don't leave... Not now." she chokes out.
"I must go. You know I have to." he whispers.
She closes her eyes and forces herself to nod, but doesn't look up again. He uses his fingers to tilt her head, so that she is looking at him once more. He leans down and closes the space between them. It was soft at first, but then her hand comes up to clutch his hair. He pushes her down, pressings fevered kisses to her lips. At that moment, he doesn't care if anyone sees them. He begins pressing kisses along her jaw, and works his way down to her neck. She lets out a gasp, and her hands grip his shirt tightly. She pushes her body against his and a groan escapes his lips. But then comes to his senses. He pushes himself off her and sits up, putting his head in his hands.
"I shouldn't have done that... I shouldn't have allowed it to go that far. I'm sorry," he tells her.
"James... I'm yours. I always have been. I do not want to be married off to some man who cares little for me and be forced to give myself to him," she says. The thought of another man even so much as touching her has his blood boiling with anger. "I want to be with you, James. I would marry you this minute if I could. I love you so much, James." she whispers.
James looks back at her and before he realizes it, his lips are on hers again. His mouth works against hers. He never realized how perfect her lips were, it's almost like they were made especially for him. She winds her arms around his neck, bringing them even closer together. Her reaches down and brings the skirts of her dress up to her waist. Her kisses down her neck and she throws her head back, allowing him easier excess. He continues down until he reaches her chest. She takes his hand and guides them along her body.
"I'm yours." she repeats.
He slips her dress off, leaving her in a small white camisole. She works at undoing the button of his pants. He kisses her lips again before putting his lips against her ear.
"Are you sure?" he whispers.
"Of course," she breaths.
James Nicholls has always been a cautious man. But this time, he throws caution to the wind and gives himself to the woman he loves. And she gives herself to him.
Afterwards, they lie down together. He has his arms wrapped around her and she's resting on his chest. He realizes that they must leave each other, people will soon notice if they are gone for too long.
"It's time to go, love." he whispers and presses a kiss to her temple. She nods and sits up. They pull their clothes back on. James looks over to find her staring.
"What is it?" he asks.
"I don't want to be away from you..." she whispers.
"I will find my way back to you. And I will always love you, Anna Brown. My beautiful girl." he says, almost more to himself than her. She smiles at him. But more tears brim in her eyes. She blinks them away before they can make their way down her cheeks.
"I love you, James. Please remember that." she chokes out.
"Of course." he whispers. She nods and then presses another kiss to his lips. And then she's gone and he's left alone on the grass. Anna does not like saying goodbye. Especially not to him...
That was the last time he saw her. He wrote to her often and she to him. She was sent to Devon the day after. Nothing she could say or do could make her parents change their mind. She even told her parents of her promise to marry James. They were stunned at first, then furious. Her mother hit her. They yelled at her, so angry that she would do such a childish thing during war-time. Her parents do truly care about her, but they're so scared with the war. And people say things they do not mean when they're scared. Perhaps it was the sight of they're daughter crying that eventually broke through to her parents. They ceased fighting and hung their heads. They agreed and said that she could marry him. But then her father said something that made her blood run with ice.
"Do not get your hopes up, love. He'll probably be killed by a German bullet. You'll probably never see him again."
And with that they sent her away. James's letters followed her. He tried not to write of the war. He discovered that her brother had been drafted too... But he was lost to German guns. She'd gone through enough pain and if he could make her forget the pain, even if just for the short time of reading his letters, then he would do so.
Tomorrow he will go to Devon in hopes to find a suitable mount. He wrote and told her, but he did not know if he'll see her. Letters can be lost after all. But he prays that he sees her. He misses her more than he could ever admit. He dreams about her often. He wishes she could be with him, so he could forget of the war and feel calm and loved once again.
o0o
"Now say goodbye," James tells Albert. He can clearly see the pain written across Albert's face at the prospect of giving up his beautiful Joey... But this is war. Everyone loses something they love. James gives one last look at Joey. Yes, he'll do beautifully. Joey was a horse who looks like God himself crafted him. He's strong and his chestnut coat gleams in the sun, he'll be the perfect mount. If only James could be riding him for enjoyment instead of riding him into the terrible danger they'll be facing.
James walks away from the Albert and Joey, not wanting to see Albert's teary face any longer. He makes his way through the crowd, carefully avoiding the swarm of people and horses. He eventually makes it to a stone building. He leans against the wall, observing the different people... And looking for one in particular. When he doesn't see her, he decides to observe the other villagers. How different they all are. He can see the ones who had to work for their entire lives. Their skin is battered and wrinkled, but at the same time tough and strong. Then there are others, the rich who look down at the people they consider "lower class". James does not like those people. Once you peel away the layers of skin and muscle, everyone is the same. Just bones.
"James?"
He knows that voice. He could recognize it anywhere. He turns around and there she stood. She reaches forward with a trembling hand and touches his face. His face which is so familiar to her. She knows every dip and crevice, from the small scar behind his ear to the shape of his lips.
"I got your letter," she says. And then she throws herself on him. He stumbles back, but then regains his balance and pulls her tightly into his embrace.
"I've missed you so much," she exclaims and buries her face in his neck.
"I've missed you too... More than you can imagine." he replies and hugs her closer. They stay like that for several long moments, before they eventually untangle their limbs. James can see the sadness haunting her once lively eyes.
"Please do not be sad, my love." he tells her.
"I might lose you! James... I couldn't live if you... If you..." she chokes, unable to complete the sentence. She looks away from him, refusing to look weak in front of him. She's not a child anymore. You cannot be a child in war.
James does something surprising. She expected him to continue talking to her with a soft voice, what he usually does. But instead he grabs her and swiftly pulls her close, until she is nestled in his warm embrace once again. James has always been much taller than her, so being in his arms completely engulfs her. He presses kisses to her temple and rubs her back with one hand. He soothes away her worry. Being in his arms make her feel safe. It brings comfort to them both. James holds her for as long as he can, until he realizes he must return to the camp. He slowly unwraps his arms from her and takes a step back.
"I need to leave." he says quietly.
She swallows and nods. He opens his mouth to say something, but before any words could come out, Anna had grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him towards her until his lips met hers. He was caught off guard, but then he wrapped his arm around her once more. Her lips were so familiar to him. The feeling of her being so close made him feel better. It's like the time in the field, all those months ago. He remembered how she wandered through the fields, laughing and smiling like there was not a care in the world and that happiness rubbed off on him. Anna could be around the most bitter person on the face of the earth, yet they would still smile for her. She was contagious.
"Anna!"
James glances up to see an elderly woman staring at them. Her mouth is open. Her dark hair is streaked with grey. Her battered skin is wrinkled, most likely from spending her life working outdoors. But the delicate features and small stature... Anna is clearly her granddaughter. James clears his throat and nods to the woman. Anna looks at her and sighs. The elderly woman comes over quickly and looks at the two of them.
"Well, you must be the handsome man Anna tells me about!" She says with a mischievous smile on her face. James can see the red fill Anna's cheeks. James smiles at the woman.
"James Nicholls, ma'am." He says.
"I already know your name, my dear. Anna talks about you often." She says, the smile still playing on her lips. The flush on Anna's cheeks now creep down to her neck. The woman turns to Anna.
"We must go now, my darling. I'm sorry." She whispers to Anna. The smile is gone and the woman looks... Sad. She glances down at the ring on Anna's finger and then back to him. She says a quick goodbye to James and then walks away, leaving the two of them alone.
"Where will you go now?" Anna asks James, chewing on her bottom lip.
"We have to train the horses. Then..." He trails off, not wanting to tell her the truth. But she understands. In the end, James can never really hide anything from her.
"Goodbye, James. I love you. Please remember that." She tells him. She begins to pull away from him but he stops her once more.
"If I come back, will you marry me then?" he blurts out.
"What?" she asks, clearly surprised.
"You heard me. Will you?" he asks her again.
"Of course. And you will come back, James. You have to." she whispers. She pulls him forward and kisses him again. He lets this moment be seared into his memory. It may be the last time he ever sees her. But when he opens his eyes again, she's gone. Anna has never liked goodbyes.
However... James can't shake the feeling that this will be the last time he'll ever see her.
o0o
James was right. He never saw Anna again after their brief meeting in Devon.
Joey gallops hard. James can hear the screaming of dying men. He sees the beautiful horses fall and go flying like they were toys being thrown by a child. Men fall to the ground from the German bullets showering over them. James takes a few deep breaths to try to calm himself down. But he knows this is the end. He clutches the reins tighter, leaning down on Joey's beautiful neck.
"Goodbye, Joey." he whispers. He sits back up, sword pointed. He will bring honor to his country if nothing else. But then he begins to think of her. She'll be waiting for him to return to her... To marry her. How he would have loved it. He's always wanted a family... And he would have loved nothing more than to have it with her. But fate had a different plan. He and Anna will never be able to have the life together they both so desperately wanted.
He closes his eyes. He pictures her in his mind. He remembers their time in their field. He remembered how he held her and she curled into him. She always fit so perfectly against him. Then he remembers her smile, the way her eyes would light up when she did. His Anna. The girl in pink. He takes a deep breath and opens his eyes, ready to face his fate.
"Goodbye, love." he whispers. And then the bullet penetrates his chest.