Something To Hold On To
Rated: G
Category: Angst, Jack/Daniel Friendship
Season: Seven
Spoilers: Lost City
Summary: Daniel Finds An Anchor.
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It's such a small thing. So seemingly insignificant. You wouldn't think my whole world would center on it, but it does. Because it's you. So utterly, completely, and quintessentially you.
It represents an instant in time. A snap decision that I wanted to argue but couldn't. A moment of pain like that I've known only a few times. Frustration and anger and impotence.
It represents a lifetime. Long years and journeys made. Links forged into a chain that binds us together in ways I only sometimes begin to understand.
It's brown and kindof dusty and just a little bit salty. It's bent just the way you liked it.
When I found it, I held it for a long time, thinking and turning it over in my hands. Something made me bring it home. And so, here I am, at three thirty in the morning, thinking and turning it over in my hands again. I lie in bed with it on my chest, and I feel the pain of that moment and our journey like it was happening all over again.
God, I'm so tired, but sleep won't come. I keep seeing you, your face close to mine as you push me back. You sacrificing yourself. Your sarcasm masking your fear. You smiling in a rare moment of closeness. You slowly becoming something other than who you are. You saving us all, yet again. And you paying the price.
With a final feel of the rough brim and a sigh, I set the hat down on the bedside table, and roll over to look at it. I make a decision and finally feel a few tendrils of sleep invade my overactive brain.
'Good bye', you said. No, Jack. Not goodbye. I won't let it be good bye.
Because I swear I will bring you back to us. To Earth. To SG-1. To Sam. And to me.