Title: Perfectly Still
Rating: P/G
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost, ABC does. Some lines taken from tracks found on Tori Amos' album Boys For Pele
Juliet stood perfectly still and stared into her full length mirror. Stood in the middle of her rug, feet bare, toes curled in slightly, in the centre of her bedroom, at the edge of sadness.
She smiled at her reflection and thought about her life. Women never liked her much. She was always too tall, long legs and lean. Too blonde with striking blue eyes. Women were threatened by her beauty. She laughed slightly at the irony. If only they knew. Men never liked her much either. Or they liked to use her, hurt her, control her. She thought of Edmund. She thought of Ben.
"Sometimes you're nothing but meat," she said to the image reflected back at her. She turned to step out of her room and was startled to see Jack in the doorway.
"Hey," he said casually.
"Jack," she said arching her eyebrow at him.
"I knocked, even called out your name when I saw the door was opened," he said.
Juliet starred at him in silence.
"I got worried," Jack continued.
"Worried?" she asked puzzled.
"I wasn't sure if you were okay, after what they did to you," Jack explained.
It had only been a day since they marked her. A day since they sailed back to the main island and brought Jack back to their little village.
"I'm fine," Juliet said and tried to swallow the emotion rising up her throat, threatening to escape into a cry.
"You look pale," Jack said.
"Well," she replied and starred off into the distance.
"Take your shirt off and get on the bed," Jack said moving closer to her.
"Sorry?" she asked.
"On your stomach, on the bed," Jack said motioning in the direction of the large bed covered in a soft floral duvet.
Juliet's eyes widened and she tried to read his face, his thoughts. He was so close, she could almost feel his breath on her skin and it made her realize she was holding her own in.
Jack held up a brown paper bag, "I got some ointment for it."
Juliet exhaled and looked to the ground till her blush faded from her cheeks.
"Where did you," she began to ask.
"From Ben," he said, "Well, from Alex actually, but I'm sure Ben knows about it."
"Oh he knows," Juliet confirmed, her fingers hesitating on the buttons of her shirt.
"Juliet," Jack said, "I am a doctor you know."
When she still hesitated he turned around so she could undress in private. His eyes slid to the side peeking slightly into the mirror. He saw her slowly and painfully remove her shirt. The grimace on her face sent a wave of guilt through him and he went back to looking at the wall.
"Okay," she said softly.
He turned to see her flat on her stomach, the brand blazing red against the ivory of her skin. The aloe had helped but not enough.
"Those bastards," Jack thought as he sat on the edge of her mattress.
"It's cold," he said referring to the jar as he opened it, "So just try and lie perfectly still."
"Uh huh," Juliet said.
"And it'll sting, it'll hurt when I touch you," he said.
"I know," Juliet responded.
"Try and think of something pleasant," he said knowing he was failing miserably at his bedside manner.
Juliet closed her eyes and clinged to the bed cover as Jack tried to be as delicate as possible.
"Marianne," she cried out as his fingers slid over the burning mark.
"What?" Jack asked.
"Marianne, that's who I was thinking of," she explained.
"Who's Marianne?"
"She was the only friend I ever had, apart from my sister," Juliet explained through gritted teeth as Jack applied the ointment to her lower back.
"They said she killed herself but I never believed it."
Jack starred at her, she was never one to share and he was amazed she was doing so now with something so intimate.
"The only friend you ever had? Come on," he said.
Juliet nodded, "I wasn't like you Jack, I wasn't very popular. I was alone."
Jack sighed, thinking back on his life, "I had a lot of friends but no one really ever cared, I was alone too."
Juliet got on her knees and slowly turned around, subconsciously adjusting the straps on her bra. She knew Jack was a lonely man but she never expected him to share that with her, not after everything she did to him. She tilted her head and gave him a sympathetic look before handing him a box of tissues from her nightstand.
"I'm not going to cry," Jack told her.
Juliet chuckled, "It's to wipe the cream off your fingers."
"Oh," he said laughing slightly and took it from her.
"So is that why you're so cold Juliet? Because you were never liked?" he asked, he wanted to know her, to know what made her tick.
"No, I always tried to be happy go lucky, tried to share. It wasn't till I got here, met Ben," she said leaving it at that as if the mere mention of that man's name was explanation enough.
"You're full of anger," Jack stated.
"Full of hate," she admitted, "A pretty little hate machine."
Jack gave her a half smile. "Well you got the pretty part right," he said and reached out to tuck a loose strand of her blonde hair behind her ear. She grabbed his hand and stopped him short. Jack frowned.
"You don't have to keep hiding Juliet, not with me," he said and leaned into her.
She leaned in too; brushing her cheek against his so close he could smell the sweetness of her shampoo.
She whispered into his ear, "They're watching. Our every sound," she told him leaning back out, her finger on her lips. Jack nodded and stood up.
"I guess I should go," he told her.
Juliet agreed and watched him leave. She turned around, starring back into the mirror, standing perfectly still.
"Well," she said to her reflection, "looks like I'm ready to confess the things that I never thought I could feel."
A tear ran down her cheek, but Juliet was smiling, just a little.