A/N: Hello there! This idea struck me in the head, and I had to try it out XD I hope you find it entertaining :3
Warnings: Hm… randomness, weirdness, slight OOCness, deviousness, too much milk… angry people? Yeah, that sums it up.
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA D:
Winry growled at the reflection in her mirror. More precisely, she growled at the little prank Edward had pulled on her. I can't believe he turned my hair green! That IDIOT! Grabbing her wrench, she headed out of the bathroom, only to run into Alphonse.
"Winry?" Al saw her pissed off face first and foremost. Then, he looked a little higher. "What happened to your hair?"
"What do you THINK happened Alphonse? Your brother decided it would be absolutely hilarious to dye my hair green… so I'm going to beat some sense into him… and make him change my hair back!"
"Wait, calm down! How did brother do that?" Poor Al was mystified.
"Well, I think he put it in my shampoo bottle…" she drifted off. "But that doesn't matter. He needs to pay for this!" Winry exclaimed, waving her wrench around in the air.
Al might have been in a suit of armor, but he still did everything in his power to avoid collision with the tool. "Wait! Maybe you can get him back without beating him up!"
Winry paused. "What?" Get him back without the wrench? What nonsense is Alphonse talking about now?
If the suit of armor could smile mischievously right now, he would. "Well… I saw some signs around town advertising a contest, and I think he would be perfect for it."
Winry raised an eyebrow. "What kind of contest?"
Al laughed quietly. "A milk drinking contest. It's in Central, which just happens to be where brother is supposed to go now. I've already signed him up for it." Al glanced at her. "Do you want to help me? I still haven't told him about it."
The wrench-wielding girl grinned. She never knew Alphonse was so devious. "Of course I'll help! This sounds like an amazing idea Alphonse!"
The duo mapped out their plan, and set out to Central to catch up with Edward.
XXX
"Ow!" Ed rubbed his head, wincing slightly where a new bump was sure to form. "What was that for Winry?"
She pulled her hood down. "What do you think, Edward?" Ed swore he saw her eyes flash red. "You're lucky it was just the one hit!"
He had to admit that it was hard not laugh. "Why are you so angry? Green really suits you Winry."
Al sighed. It was definitely time to get the plan in gear. "Brother, did you talk to the colonel yet? What do you have to do today?"
Ed scowled immediately at the mention of Mustang. "I wouldn't know, he wasn't in his office. In fact, the others were gone too."
Al inwardly smiled. This was going as planned. "Brother!" he yelled with more panic than needed. "We have to look for them! What if they're in trouble? They could need our help!"
His brother scoffed. "Please, they're adults, they can handle themselves."
Winry gasped louder than necessary, and almost burst into laughter at the alarmed look Ed shot her. "Ed! How could you say such a thing?"
"Yeah, brother! If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were scared."
"Scared? I'm not scared! Who says I'm scared?"
Winry snorted. "We said so… shorty."
The alchemist lost it then and there. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE COULD FIT ON THE HEAD OF A PIN?" Ed ran after her, unknowingly running straight into their trap.
XXX
It took about ten minutes, but Ed finally calmed down enough to stop chasing poor Winry. He huffed in annoyance. "Why are we in HQ?"
"You said that the colonel and his subordinates were missing right? Maybe you just need to look more carefully Edward." Winry replied calmly. Too calmly in Ed's opinion…
He stared at her suspiciously, trying to figure out what was going on. Having felt the stare, she snapped. "What?"
"Why are you wearing that stupid hood again?"
"Why does it matter?" Winry glanced back at him long enough to shoot him a glare. She turned back around, and soon stopped wandering the hallway.
"Why did you stop?" Ed asked her cautiously.
Al looked inside the room, and then nodded at Winry subtly. She grinned at Ed. "We stopped because we have a surprise for you Edward," she paused to open the door. "And it's in here!"
Ed looked around, and his jaw dropped. Mustang and his group were in here, seemingly happy that he arrived. Then his eyes fell on the table between him and the colonel.
Milk.
Tons of it too.
He glared viciously at nothing in particular, and turned around. "I'm out of here."
Al blocked the doorway. "Sorry brother, but you're staying in here."
Ed looked shocked momentarily, but snapped out of it. "Why are you siding with them?"
"I have my reasons."
"Look, if it's because I didn't let you keep that cat…"
"Brother! That's not it at all. I'm just helping Winry out here. And, believe it or not, I'm helping you too." Al grabbed Ed's arm and dragged him over to the table filled with the glasses of milk.
Ed glared at the bastards in the room-first, the milk, then the colonel, then the milk again-and crossed his arms. "There is no way I'm drinking this crap."
Mustang smirked. "Alright, listen up Fullmetal. The rules are simple enough, even a runt like you could understand them-"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SMALLER THAN YOUR FINISHED PILE OF PAPERWORK?"
Mustang ignored the comment, though his officers snorted. He ignored that too. "This is a contest, and you are up against some tough competition," he continued smoothly. He glanced briefly at Hawkeye. "Lieutenant Hawkeye, bring Fullmetal's competition in."
"Yes sir," she responded, a small smile of amusement on her face. Hawkeye reached behind her, and Ed heard the sound of a cage being opened. He gulped nervously. What sort of competition did they have in mind?
Little meows cut through the air at once, answering his question. "Cats? You're telling me they are my competition?"
"Yes, and I expect you to win, what with your big mouth and all. Otherwise," he waved some papers in the air, "these will go to some other kid wanting to bring his brother's body back to normal."
Ed stared at the colonel in disbelief. Is he serious? Ok, that's a dumb question… but there's still no way that I'm drinking this milk! I'll just find another way to get us back to normal!
"Ok, glad that we're on the same page, Fullmetal. The contest starts in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…"
The doors burst open. "EDWARD ELRIC! I HEARD YOU WERE GOING TO DRINK MILK AND I JUST HAD TO COME!" Alex Louis Armstrong declared whilst ripping his shirt off, revealing the manliest muscles in the whole room. "MISSING THIS MOMENT WOULD TAINT THE HONOR OF THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN FOR GENERATIONS!"
Ed stared at the major, horrified. "I'm not drinking any milk, sorry to disappoint."
"Oh, but you see, you don't have any choice," Mustang gestured to each side of Edward. Ed paled when he saw not only Hawkeye's gun pointed at his head, but Winry's wrench aimed at his head as well.
"3… 2… 1… go!" Mustang finished the countdown. The kittens began to drink up from their milk dishes happily. Ed hadn't even moved to touch his glasses of milk.
He quickly grabbed the closest glass when he heard Hawkeye click the safety off. He looked down and swallowed nervously. Could he do this? Ed always felt drinking milk was a do-or-die situation. And now… it quite literally was. He could squirm out of it with only Winry threatening him, but two of them?
He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and forced the cup to his lips. He tilted it higher and higher until all the white liquid was gone, and slammed it back down in disgust. His face clearly showed his dislike of the cow juice, but he made himself continue to the next glass. And the next.
And the next.
With each glass, he managed to take the lead over the cats. As much as he wanted to spit the foul liquid back out, and high tail it out of the room, the gun and wrench convinced him to keep going.
Ed didn't dare open his eyes; otherwise he knew he'd stop. He downed his seventh-but it felt more like his millionth-glass, when Mustang told him he had one more to go.
Ed grabbed the last glass, and hesitated. At this point, anyone else would wonder, what's one more glass going to harm? It wouldn't kill him or anything.
From his point of view, however, this last glass was the source of all that is evil. Ed just knew that this last glass was poisoned. It just had to be! He couldn't drink this, it's suicide!
"I can't. I can't do it."
Winry smacked him on top of his head. "Yes you can! Now, drink it!"
Ed's head was spinning, and he decided to listen to Winry. After being hit by that wrench, it sure made her voice sound scary…
He downed the last milk, and slammed the glass down so hard it broke. "I'M DONE! I'M FINALLY DONE!" His face was sweating from all the effort it took to drink so much poison, but it was worth it for the notes Mustang had.
The rest of the room was eerily silent. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, actually drank milk!
The first to get over the shock was Armstrong. He picked up the older Elric, and hugged the air out of him. "I'M SO PROUD OF YOU EDWARD ELRIC! YOU HAVE CONQUERED YOUR ABNORMAL FEAR OF MILK!" Tears were flowing from the major's eyes. "NOW YOU CAN GROW TO BE JUST AS TALL AND STRONG AS ME!"
Ed panted. "Can't… breathe…"
He found himself saved from the major's vice grip, and he was thankful, until he saw who grabbed him. "Winry."
"Ed, you actually drank your milk! Congratulations!" Winry exclaimed gleefully. She eyed him carefully. "Now, there's just one thing left for you to do…"
"Yeah? And what's that?"
"GET THIS DAMN GREEN OUT OF MY HAIR YOU JERK!"
A/N: And that's that! Edward Elric… only drinks milk at gunpoint x3 Poor guy, everyone conspires against him… :3
I hope it was amusing! Let me know what you think :)
chocolatexloverx16