A/N: Sorry for the depressionyness. This is for my lovely Lexi.
Where'd you go? I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone.
Marrying wrestlers can be hard... even if you truly do love them. The constant reminder of looking around your home and not seeing them right there is haunting, it can nearly kill you. All people want is to simply be together, nothing else to come between them. Marrying a wrestler... well that can complicate everything.
{H*B*K}
She said "Some days I feel like shit, some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
Julia sat in her computer room, looking at the floor. She was crying hysterically after having another fight with Shawn. It truly killed her when they fought... it was funny though, when he was home no fighting, nothing at all but happiness, but when he was gone all they did was fight. She hated it, everything about it; it always made her feel like complete and udder shit, she really wanted to quit sometimes but her ambition was that soon enough, Shawn was going to be right next to her and she didn't have to fight anymore... even if it was only for a little while.
I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long.
She didn't understand why Shawn always had to be gone on the road. He was a wrestler, but he was getting older... she silently wished that he would retire already so she could just be with him... even if it was a little selfish. But she wanted it for herself, the kids, and Shawn most importantly. She knew it killed him as much if not more than it killed her... but he loved his job... thats also what pulled her through, letting Shawn do what he loves to do; it helped her get along, knowing that even though she felt like shit, Shawn didn't for a few hours while he made other people happy.
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone, 'cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
Julia basically always had her house phone and/or her cell phone by her side, in case Shawn called of course. His voice just made her feel a little better when he wasn't there... she felt a little less alone. She loved it when they didn't fight... but they always tended too.
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call, but when I pick up I don't have much to say
She felt like a huge idiot, though. Walking around in stores, clutching her phone to her heart... it just wasn't right. It wasn't healthy. But the thing that pissed her off the most is that when he calls her, they really don't have much to say because they don't want it to end up in a fight. She just wanted one night where he could call, and they could talk for awhile and not fight whatsoever. That would be one thing that would make her truly happy.
Julia continued to sit there, starring down.
The phone rang, Julia jumped and looked at the caller ID. Shawnie It read, her heart beat increased as she picked up the phone. It was all a mix of emotion, it was from the fact that she missed him, and that today that she was gonna tell him everything.
"Hello?" Julia asked, her voice cracking a little because she hadn't talked since that morning when she took the kids to school.
"Hey Jay." Shawn said happily.
A smile spread across her face. That voice, it just meant so much to hear. I can't do this... I just can't, She thought... but she had too.
"How are you?" Shawn decided to ask after a long awkward pause.
"Okay..." She lied, and gulped. "I miss you."
"Yeah, but I'll be home soon."
Everything got a little quite... She had to say it.
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
"Jay, I'm gonna go..." Shawn strayed.
"No wait."
Shawn sighed. "Okay, what's up?"
She began laughing before she said anything. "Shawn, this is fucked up."
"What's fucked up?"
"That I'm sitting here, waiting for you. Debating about everything while you're gone. And I want you to know, that I've just about had it with you and wrestling... it's just not fair Shawn. I understand you love it, and I love it too, but Shawn I gave up my career for the kids. I think its time you give up yours for us too." She paused to sigh. "I'm just tried of sitting here, thinking, day in and day out. 'Where'd you go?'" At this point both Julia and Shawn were crying.
Shawn didn't know what to say to that...; well he did, but he was just so lost for words. "I love you." Was all he said before the line went dead, leaving Julia sitting alone, crying and thinking again.
I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, seems like it's been forever, that you've been gone, please come back home...
{J*N*H}
You know the place where you used to live,
"Jeff, come home please." Lexi begged on the phone to her husband. "It's all I'm asking."
The other end was silenced, which frustrated Lexi.
"You know Jeff, home? Remember that place where you used to live?" She paused. "I bet you don't at all, so let me remind you."
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs, used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
"Jeff, this place that I'm taking about, its that place where we used to always be together, the place where we used to have all of those Halloween parties, and barbeque's; it was a placed you used to love to be, before you got obsessed with your career."
Jeff still said nothing. Lexi was getting very infuriated.
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
"Jeff, come home. Don't just stop by, come home and be with me."
Still, nothing.
"Fuck this." Lexi hung up the phone violently, and then threw it at one of the walls in the room she was in. She was so pissed off right now that it hurt.
Jeff needed to stop doing this to her, she loved him more than anything in the entire world, but he continued to hurt her and it just wasn't fair anymore. She wasn't going to leave him though, never ever. She loved him too much, and she knew that he loved her too much and it would just absolutely kill the both of them.
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time, with anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
Lexi tried anything and everything to fill her time so she wouldn't have to think about how much she missed Jeff, or even anything about him. But it was hard because each and everything she could relate to Jeff in some way and it was useless.
The phone rang, interrupting Lexi from her thoughts. She looked at the caller ID, it was Jeff. She sighed and picked it up.
"Lexi, I'm sorry. I miss you... are you okay?" He begged.
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way, you can call me if you find that you have something to say,
"I'm fine, and I want to keep it that way. I know that after this you're gonna be lost for words again, so call me when you have something to say, because I know that I have something to say."
"Oh yeah Lexi, what do you have to say? I want you to say it now."
Lexi knew that it might hurt Jeff, but she was too pissed off to really care.
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, that I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
"Well, I want to tell you that this is SO fucked up its unreal."
"What's fucked up?" Jeff demanded.
Lexi snorted. "This relationship Jeff, this is just so fucked up. Your out wrestling, while I'm stuck her, alone with the kids about ninety percent of the time. And I've fucking had it with you and your fucking career, I hate 'Jeff Hardy, and The Charismatic Enigma.' I love Jeffro though, I miss him, and if you see him, tell him Lexi wants to know where he went. Bye Jeff." Lexi hung up the phone, then buried her face into her knees.
{xxx}
Being without the one you love this terrible, it can almost kill you. But what happens when you meet up back with them?
{H*B*K}
Julia was wipping her tears away with the end of her sleeve as she heard someone knocking at the door way. "Coming!" She called. She jumped up off of the bed and walked down stairs. She opened the door and saw the one person she wanted the most standing in front of her. She didn't even know what to say.
"Surprise." Shawn said simply with a smile.
Julia smiled back and hugged him tightly as possible. Then she got on her tippy toes and kissed him. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you too." Shawn said, with his eyes filling up a little.
Julia kissed him again, then she wiped his tears away, and he wiped hers away.
"I love you Jay Linda-ann Synyster." Shawn said, as he put his forehead to hers.
"I love you too Michael Shawn Hickenbottom."
"It's just Shawn!" He yelled jokingly as he picked her up. She pretended to shriek and run away and he picked her up and tickled her. They played around for awhile, and love just filled the air of a San Antonio home.
{J*N*H}
Lexi was sitting outside on the farmers porch of hers and Jeff's house, she was listening to her iPod and ignoring the world. She felt the swing she was on, weights shifting. She looked over to where it moved and locked her eyes up with a pair of emerald ones.
A smile played on her lips, as they did onto his. The two sets of lips crashed together, when they pulled apart, gasping from air,
"I miss you." Came from both of their mouths simultaneously. They laughed together, then kissed again.
"I love you so much Lexi." He told her.
"I love you more Jeffro." She smiled at him wider. "I knew that you'd come back."
"Jeffro always does, when he misses his Lexi."
{xxx}
When you met back again with that one person you love, you tend to fall in love all over again. Thats one of the beauties of marrying a wrestler, you can relive that magical moment when you fell in love over and over, each time they come home.
Thats what makes the pain worth the pleasure.
Love.
A/N: Well I hope Lexi loved this. Review!