Disclaimer: I own nothing
Summary: Funny how someone who is so desperately in love will give up everything just to be held in their loved one's arms. Takes place before "Names are a serious business" and after "Wasted opportunities."
Temptation's wound:
Lust. Temptation. Desire. Need. Pleasure. Love. Anger. Hate. They weren't all the same thing, but it was so, so easy to mistake one for the other. And if truth were to be told, wasn't there such a thin line between hate and love?
Some people, many in fact probably didn't even know what real love actually was. If one foolishly decided to put love in the same vein as obligation, they would be heading in a very dangerous direction; one that they might never come back from because of that obligation. Mai of the Fire Nation certainly knew how that was. Agni, did she know. She had made the mistake when she had sworn her love to Fire Lord Zuko the day of their wedding.
What was love? Mai once had been sure she knew. But if she truly had known what love was, would she really have let it slip through her fingers and thrown herself into the false relationship that she had with Zuko? Then, the to be mother supposed she shouldn't have been surprised by the several cruel twists and shattering spirals of fate in life. Even in hers.
She had been so very lonely as a child. Not allowed to misbehave or make so much as one mistake. She thought she had suffered before; she hadn't even known the meaning of the word until now. Every now and then, placing her fingers against her bulging stomach, feeling the life that had nearly grown to the full potential that her abdomen could handle. This child would grow up with a mother that didn't love the child's father. That understanding came harshly into her mind.
She wanted the child to be a part of its aunt's life, but she knew she could never raise the child the way she wanted to raise the child; as Azula's child, and not just Azula's niece or nephew, which was what the child would indeed be seen as.
She supposed getting angry at herself was pointless by now. As was getting angry at Zuko, Ty Lee, Katara and Azula herself. It was quite pointless at this time. What happened had happened. Nothing could be changed.
Mai lifted her head, staring at the garden, imagining her small child playing in it. She hoped her little boy or girl loved it here. She could imagine the child playing by the pond, feeding the turtle-ducks and giggling at how cute they were. Mai smirked. Apparently, Ty Lee's remarks about the turtle-ducks were inserting themselves into her imagination. She'd like to think that she'd be a good mother. She certainly would be a better mother than Ursa was to Azula.
She remembered Azula once sneering, "What would you know about love, Mai? More than me? I somehow doubt that. You're not even willing to stand your ground for your love. You betrayed your love for your love's brother."
Mai always tried not to let Azula's words get to her, but that particular exclamation had stayed in her mind. In Azula's mind, she had destroyed any chance they might have had of them staying together. Mai kept her foolish desires to herself now. It didn't matter what she wanted. She had chosen the easy route and settled with Zuko. She had chosen to walk away from her love. This was his child she was carrying but that didn't matter, not to her. She wanted this child to be raised by Azula as well.
She wanted this child to call Azula "mother" one day. It wasn't that she wanted Azula to feel duty bound herself, just that she wanted the princess to realize that she could have a family with the assassin. She knew that that was what underhanded, but she had done worse in the past to get what she wanted and so had Azula. One of those terrible things that she had personally done had been betraying her beloved princess to Zuko. The child she was to bear in only the half of one remaining month was by blood Zuko's heir, but the assassin longed for the child to be Azula's heir. And she knew now that that was impossible.
There was splashing that the assassin heard and she turned to see Ty Lee slapping gouts of water to the left at Azula who had emerged from the palace unexpectedly. The firebender raised a hand up, warding off the projecting drops from the giggling acrobat. The braided woman jumped from the pond onto Azula, wrapping her arms around the princess's neck, nuzzling the Fire Nation royal. The startled firebender took a moment to process the erratic movements of the acrobat before winding her arms around the brunette's waist, holding her close. Mai tried not to pay so much attention to the pain in her stomach. Pain she knew had nothing to do with her pregnancy. She decided she needed to remove herself from the vicinity before either the princess or her paramour saw her.
She slunk away none too quickly into the shadows, more than sure that Azula at least had seen her, but she didn't turn back to confirm her suspicion.
Unquestionably, Azula was temptation embodied. And the injury of temptation could draw someone inevitably into it, like a gravitational maelstrom.
Mai got to the steps of the palace. She was the Fire Lady. All the remaining nations obeyed and came at her beck and call, but the woman who she loved more than anything else in the world couldn't even bare to give her one word of affection like she'd use to.
There was a time once before the Avatar had awoken from the iceberg in the South Pole when Azula had been hers. Not Katara's, not Ty Lee's. Hers and only hers. She didn't need Zuko back then; she had had all she could ever want had been Azula in her bed and a passionate night of lovemaking. Zuko hadn't even really been an after thought. But then her life had been disrupted because of her parents.
She wondered if anyone knew of her and Azula's impassioned embraces and caresses, their delighted mewls that rang through the night. She wondered if anyone knew. Did Katara know? Did Ty Lee know? She doubted either of them could know, unless Azula told them, that was. The waterbender and the acrobat had no idea otherwise. Ty Lee had always been close to them, but she usually was off doing cartwheels and backflips happily. She loved being around Azula, even as a child, but there was no way she could have known. Mai and Azula began their nightly "sessions" when Azula was twelve and Mai had been thirteen. The worst part of it was that, though Azula was the princess, she didn't have to command Mai to do anything. As soon as the firebender had figured out how to seduce someone, and realized that Mai had feelings for her, she had more than easily lured the ebony haired assassin into her bed. They hadn't done anything wrong really. They were only a year apart. The only matter was Mai's parents and Azula's father. Azula's brother had also been panting like a badger-dog after Mai, though at the time, he hadn't been a problem since his exile a year before that, when he was thirteen and scarred by his own father.
Things had been truly simple back then. No matter how horrible it was, a part of Mai wished that things would return to the way they used to be. It had been incredibly convenient. Zuko exiled, and far away from both his sister and Mai, Ozai obsessed with ruling and distracted, no Avatar or waterbender to speak of that might interfere, her parents hadn't yet insisted on going to Omashu to rule it for Ozai, and Ty Lee had been at the circus for a while. Oh, it had been so easy for her and Azula back then, so easy. Their passion, their lovemaking and happiness had forever appeared real to Mai. She could not detect any discontent from her lover, not back then. It seemed ideal.
How different things were now. She could no longer come near Azula's bed. Azula took refuge in the arms of Ty Lee and that waterbender; a savage.
Things would be so much better if it were back then, if it were just her and Azula. Mai inhaled, pressing her left hand back to her bulbous abdomen. There was nothing she could do. The past had gone by like wind and she had to face the present. This baby, she remembered Ty Lee telling her that Azula wanted to be its aunt, even if the firebender hid it well. This child might be key in bringing her princess back into her arms.
Oh it was by no means a moral way of courting the princess, especially when she was legally married to the princess's older brother. However, she was going to get Azula back. One day, when her princess came back into her bed and took her back into her arms and called her 'beloved' again, one day she would divorce Zuko and they'd be free of everyone else. Azula had been the only one who ever brought any joy or excitement into Mai's life. Azula, the most fascinating, beguiling and strongest woman Mai had ever known and yet the most vulnerable, loyal and devoted lover she could imagine. She would get Azula back, no matter how or what. Even if she had to use her own child to lure the firebender to her.
She certainly knew how to play unfairly. She had her social climber parents to thank for that, after all.
Temptation's wound had her in its bleating, putrid, envious and powerful grip again apparently. Azula usually did that to Mai a lot, even without realizing it.
Okay, quite repetitive, quite redundant, quite pointless and quite bleak, I know. But there it is. Yes, long story short, before Aang was let out of the iceberg, Azula and Mai used to be lovers. They were officially separated after Zuko came back during the end of Book of Earth. And now Mai has to deal with seeing Azula with Katara and Ty Lee. So there you go. As said, I know it's repetitive, but no flames, please.