DISCLAIMER:
"Star Trek" and all associated names and characters, with the exceptions of the ones created by myself for this story, are © Paramount. I am a fan of Gene Roddenberry's dream and just wish to keep it alive so that tomorrow's youth may gain by it as I have. This is fan fiction; there is no infringement of copyright intended with this story, nor have I written it for personal financial gain. So relax, engage at full warp and enjoy!
Dan Mcaffe, Adventures of an Intergalactic Janitor
By Mojo2722
The turbolift was being cranky as usual, taking forever to reach the destination that Dan had requested. Funny it only seemed to act up when someone he didn't really want to talk to was in it with him. In this case Ensign Nevark, a short female ferengi that always seemed to go out of her way casually just 'bump into' Dan in the turbolifts, ten forward, in the mess hall, and generally everywhere else that he didn't want to see her. She had in fact been spotted loitering in the corridor outside of his quarters many times before by his bunkmates.
Women are strange, and alien women are just downright weird.
Her raspy sliced through the silence, "So who do you think comes up with the names for the classes of these starships?"
"What?"
"Well I was just thinking that the origin of the names of the classes of starships is a mystery to me", she replied. She turned towards me and continued, "So do you think the people that come up with the names get royalties? I mean if they did the credits could really begin to add up."
Taking a step backwards, giving Nevark a wider berth Dan responded, "I don't think they make a profit off of coming up with a name. Starfleet may have deep pockets, but when it comes to sharing the wealth with the little guy they seem to pretend they are in the red."
Ensign Nevark moved even closer to Dan, letting her jagged smile bear itself. "So where do you think they came up with the name Galaxy Class?" she asked.
Dan backed himself all the way against the pads of the wall, the handrail poking him in the small of the back, waiting in anticipation for the doors to open and set him free from the confines of the turbolift. "I don't know, they built these things over thirty years ago. I'm sure whomever came up with the class name has long since retired."
Her smile widened farther as she inched even closer to him, well beyond the personal boundaries that most civilized people consider to be socially correct not to invade. "Well Dan I was thinking that might be a profitable venture for us both if we were to discuss starfleet history over dinner in my quarters."
No sooner than she had offered her solicitation his way of escape presented itself as the turbolift came to a rest and the doors hissed open. He haphazardly pushed her aside and made his way through the doors with the reply, "Ahhh…let me get back to you on that one. Sorry gotta' run, duty calls." He smiled briefly as the doors to the turbolift closed taking her to any other deck than the one that he was on.
He made his way down the corridor, following it's twists and turns to the familiar confines of the equipment storage bay that he came to every cycle that he was on duty. The doors opened and he walked through into the dark room. His job was so bottom of ladder on board the ship they didn't even have the lighting in the room set to automatically turn on when someone entered.
"Lights." He called out.
The lights flickered slightly as they came to life; the ship was showing its age. Oh well at least the voice interface seemed to be working today, he thought. For the past couple of weeks it hadn't been working properly and he had to manually use the panel beside the door to get the lights to work. He casually strolled over to an equipment locker and opened it up, grabbing the straps of and pulling out the primary weapon he would use today, the port-a-cleaner pack.
Okay some people joined starfleet to explore the stars, and others did it to find their fame. Dan joined on a drunken dare. At the time it seemed to make perfect sense. Join starfleet and not lose face in front of his friends whom had dared him. Besides, its not like he had much else going on at the time as far as career possibilities went. At the time he was living on mars, and moonlighting as a handy man at a resort. It barely kept a roof over his head let alone gave him any real possibilities for the future. At least having joined starfleet he got better replicator rations even if he wasn't really doing anything too much different than he did on mars. Some people aspired to become admirals or quadrant renowned scientists and engineers in starfleet. Dan became and environmental sanitary support technician.
He was the janitor.
Oh well no one ever accused him of being overly ambitious. Not that he was lazy or not motivated. He just liked to keep things simple. Being at the bottom of the ladder did have its perks; for one thing, you didn't have to worry about having subordinates that you would be responsible for. Responsibility is definitely one of the things that he didn't care for that much. Definitely not on his top ten list of favorite things of life to enjoy.
He flipped the straps over his shoulder and brought the port-a-cleaner pack to mount on his back. Twenty three point eight kilos, that is what the specs say that the unit masses. Funny, but he had gotten so used to the weight of the thing over the last year that he had been in starfleet, that he seemed to be able to maneuver just as well with it on as when he didn't. As he made his way back to the door of the room, he called out, "Computer list areas of the ship that I am to maintain today."
"The designated maintenance area for your duty cycle is main engineering." The computer responded.
"Great does this mean I get to deal with the tech-heads all day?"
With a slight chirp of disgust the computer replied, "Please restate you're your request."
"Never mind." He said shaking his head having looked up as if to see the source of the disembodied voice. He smiled and added, "Hell if you were able to don a tight gold uniform with curves in all the right places, I think that resonator pushers down in the engine room would rather spend the day with you instead of with me. They seem to like people with brains, not the guy with the cleaning nozzle."
"Unable to recognize request, please restate the parameters."
"Computer?"
"Awaiting request."
"Shut up!" he said walking out the door, pausing at the threshold and remembered to add, "Lights."
The room went completely black as the doors hissed shut behind him.
* * *
The corridors leading to main engineering were easy work to clean and the companels didn't appear to have that many smudges from fingerprints on them so he didn't even bother to do more than to just touch them up in spots.
He made his way into main engineering and no sooner than he made it through the door he heard the voice he most didn't want to hear today, that of Lieutenant Goreman. "Well if it isn't Crewman Dan…Dan, Dan the cleaning man!" Goreman's deep tenor voice called out.
"Yeah it's me." Dan replied starting to work the nozzle wand of the port-a-cleaner about the floor. He had hoped that he could get main engineering finished as quickly as possible with the fewest of interactions with the engineers therein. He thought to himself that maybe if he just ignored him, Lieutenant Goreman he might just go away.
Despite the wishful thinking Dan had no such luck.
With a data pad in hand Goreman walked out from around the pulsating warp core, and gave a sarcastic grin in Dan's direction. "So Crewman, what is on your agenda today?" he asked adding, "No let me guess. First you are going to have a rousing time sweeping the floors in engineering, then you will have a wonderful time sanitizing the floors in sick bay, and then for the piece de resistance! Maybe you will still have time to clean the sanitary fixtures in the restrooms adjacent to the officer's mess!"
Dan turned away from Goreman and continued to clean the floors in barely audible tones he muttered under his breath, "No sir! I will be too busy rigging the environmental controls in your cabin to give off sulfur dioxide fumes again. I won't have time for all of that other stuff."
Lieutenant Goreman set the data pad down onto a computer console just adjacent to the warp core chamber. He walked over to Dan and stood before him, blocking his progress on the floor. "What was that, Crewman?" he replied the tones of sarcasm having transmuted into those of irritation.
Knowing that he would not be able to just pretend that six foot high malignant puss sore of a man that stood before him would just dry up and go away, he knew that he must respond to him. "I said no I won't have time to do all of that today."
"Excuse me crewman? Do you see these?" Goreman said pointing towards the rank insignia on his collar. "I earned these, and you Crewman Mcaffe will always refer to me as sir when I require a response from you!" he said to Dan his voice beginning to erupt with anger. "Am I understood?" he asked with his eyes focused intently on Dan. It seemed like flames were about to shoot forth from them, and Dan could almost make out them turning red.
"Yes sir!" Dan piped up with a wry smile on his face. He continued with melodramatic proportions laying the sarcasm, "Well Sir, it would appear that I need to get moving if I am to have time enough to scrub those sanitary fixtures! In fact Sir, I will make those fixtures so shiny that you will be able to see your face in them! In fact, sir, I will be thinking about your face while I scrub away any urine and fecal contamination!"
"How does a reject like you make it into starfleet, Mcaffe?" Goreman asked, pointing his a finger into Dan's face.
Just then the soft voice of a woman spoke up from behind them at the main engineering station, "Is there a problem here gentleman?" It was Lieutenant Commander Dakota, the U.S.S. Iowa's chief engineer. She was a part vulcan part klingon/human mix. The three species are ordinarily compatible, but with a fair amount of genetic coaxing, almost anything is possible. She had long fiery red hair that came down to the small of her back, and pronounced cranial ridges, and the typical vulcan ears. For not being human she was perhaps one of the most beautiful women on the ship in Dan's eyes. She walked up and got between Dan and Goreman. She was careful to disarm the situation by putting distance between them, and with the words she spoke next. "Well Lieutenant, rejects like Dan as you put it, play a very vital role to the operations of a starship. Without support staff like them, the Iowa would start looking and smelling like your dorm room at the academy inside of a week. So try to show some respect for your subordinates." She walked over to the console where he had set down the data pad and picked it up. She then walked back over, handed it to Goreman, and continued, "Besides I need the report on the condition of the flow couplers within the hour, and by my best guess you don't have time for an argument. That is if you are not to disappoint me and subsequently the captain, or am I wrong?"
Lieutenant Goreman ground his teeth before responding, "No sir, you are correct." He forcefully shrugged a partial smile and said, "Excuse me." And with those final words made his way back to the warp core chamber.
"And you." she added giving off a smile and shaking her head slightly. "You owe me one now. So on be your way, crewman. I am sure that you have duties to perform as well."
No one onboard the ship had stuck up for him before, he didn't know how to take it. And with Lieutenant Commander Dakota being so beautiful as well, it really had him confused.
"It's Dan." he mustered the courage to say.
"What's that crewman?"
"Sorry sir. Its Dan, sir."
"Crewman Dan?" she questioned with a smile that revealed hidden dimples in her cheeks.
He stumbled over his words almost stuttering them out but did manage to communicate, "Well no it's Crewman Mcaffe, but my first name is Dan, sir."
"I see." She nodded her head that radiant smile still on her face, continuing, "Well as you were Crewman Mcaffe."
Then she did it.
It was for just a split second, but Dan was sure that he saw it.
She winked at him.
"I'll a…" Dan started. He clumsily began to walk backwards, and managed to trip over a power converter that had been set out on the deck. He regained his balance and made his way towards the door, looking the chief engineer in the eye, mesmerized by her smile. "I'll a…just be on my way then…"
He managed to finish the rest of the engineering deck with the exception of main engineering. He had opted to avoid going back in there because of the possibility of either running into possible confrontation with Goreman again, or of running the risk of continuing the awkwardness he began to feel talking with chief engineer Dakota. Oh well, main engineering could wait till next week, Dan thought to himself.
With only fifteen more minutes left in his duty cycle, he decided to call it quits early, and headed back up to the equipment storage bay to return his port-a-cleaner pack to the locker. When he arrived he was surprised to see one of his fellow environmental sanitary support technicians in the bay gearing up for a duty cycle.
Dan looked over at the bajoran male who was strapping on a port-a-cleaner pack and said, "Hello Turam, how goes it today?"
Turam buckled the final strap of his port-a-cleaner pack around his chest, and looked up to Dan and smiled. "Fine my friend, and how was your shift?" he replied.
Dan opened up the locker where his pack was to be stowed and released the buckles to the pack. He chuckled slightly and replied, "Well I had to go down to engineering, and you know how much I love to go down there."
"Goreman was at it again today?" Turam said while closing the door to his locker.
Dan slipped the pack off and stashed it into the locker, being careful not to let the straps get caught in the door when he closed it. "Bearing both his sunny disposition and love of us pee-ons as usual." He grinned.
Turam let out a little bit of laughter, and began to walk to the door. He turned around, stopped and mentioned to Dan, "Oh by the way, I should let you know. I spotted your little admirer staking out your corridor on the way here. Looks like you might be having grub worms for dinner tonight, eh?"
"Ensign Nevark!" he let his chin sink down to chest and closed his eyes trying to focus on any other mental picture other than that infatuated ferengi. He shook his head slightly, brought it back up and continued, "Oh Lord, after Lieutenant Goreman's crap in engineering today, I don't feel like dealing with her now."
"Well you could always follow me." Turam offered.
Intrigued by the offer, and not really wanting to face the big eared female imp that was undoubtedly laying a trap for him in the corridor near his quarters, Dan replied, "Where are you going?"
"I got the cake walk today, I get to do deck ten, and I was thinking about stopping by ten forward before I begin to clean the rest of the deck." He grinned like the cat that just got the canary.
"Let's see if I got this straight." Dan said folding one arm underneath the elbow of the other and touching his lip with one finger. "My choices are between going back to my quarters, face a night of eating grub worms that Nevark will undoubtedly want to pre-chew for me. Possibly being chased all the time around the room by her as she is an oomax addict…or to come with you up to ten forward and possibly have a relaxing enjoyable time?"
"Make it quick, I have to start my duty cycle shortly." Turam prompted, having turned around and continuing to walk to the door.
There was no hesitation in Dan's voice when he responded, "I'll buy the first round." He followed Turam out the door and into the hallway but before the doors could close he turned back towards the room and said, "Computer…Lights."
The lights flickered off and then back on again.
"Computer?" Dan asked.
"Unable to comply failure in primary control systems, secondary control systems offline", the computer droned out.
"Awww…to hell with it!" Dan said, letting the doors close behind him. He yelled down the corridor, "Hey Turam, wait up!"