TITLE: Shadows Of The Past
AUTHOR: Annabelle
DISCLAIMER: I don't own them. I just like to write. Don't sue, please!
SUMMARY: Who were you really meant for?
DISTRIBUTION: FanFiction.Net, Wishing Hearts, Hello World: Fan Fiction Is Fun, anyone else please ask first
RATING: PG
WARNING: Gunn centric, what's up with that! Don't worry still no Gunn/Fred!
THANK YOUS: Many times over to MeriBeth for the title and for some beta stuff.  Candace for being my twin and beta.  Huge big thanks to Jacquin who took the file and cleaned the whole thing up, and she doesn't even really like Gunn!
FEEDBACK: Lots of it please! Send to Annabelle_felicity@hotmail.com

Shadows Of The Past – Chapter 1: The Lie
by Annabelle

Names, faces, and places, none of those things were important. Not anymore, he had lied to her.  Gunn could have kicked himself for lying to Fred but he had to, he couldn't bear for her to know the truth, besides it wasn't fair to her.  How could he tell her that once, a long time ago he had sold his soul so that he could be with someone?  That when he did so it was too late, she had already gone, and there was no way to get her back, ever.  He had lost her, the person that meant everything to him and he hadn't been able to do anything to stop it because he was too busy selling his soul to be with her.

He started to pace the floor of his apartment.  Maybe he should go back and tell her the truth, so that there would be no barriers between them.  What would she say?  Would she understand?  Had she ever been so in love with someone that she was willing to give up anything to be with that person?  Something like that only ever happened once, and he knew that. He knew if she asked him if he would do the same thing for her he would have to lie again.  Gunn knew that he loved Fred, but it was a new love. He would never want to see her hurt or hurt her, but for her to know that he was not ready to commit his soul to her, that he may never be able to do something like that for her, it was something that he never wanted her to know.

A small little red light was flashing and caught his attention.  It was his answering machine, he sighed and walked over to it and pushed the button.  "Two new messages," the automated voice told him.

"I figured as much just tell me what they say," he grumbled and flopped down on his couch.

"Hey Charles," Fred's voice came over the machine.  "I just wanted to make sure that ya were okay.  Give me call when ya get in."  She paused, "I love ya."

Gunn tried to smile but he couldn't.  The answering machine kept going.  "Hey brother, it's Junior." One of his old crew.  "I just wanted to let you know that we're heading off to New Mexico.  There is some special Vamp nest there that some rich chic wants us to take out.  If you want in give us a call.  We're leaving in two days."  He breathed and lowered his voice.  "Look man I know now is a really hard time for you and all, but maybe getting away for a bit will be good for you."

"End of new messages," the animated voice said again and then clicked off.

"Hard time," he grunted.  He pushed off the couch and started to pace again.  "It's not a hard time.  Everything is fine.  My life is perfect."  He grunted, "Soul mates, meant to be together, that stuff is all just a bunch of crap.  I don't believe in it, never did."  Gunn looked out his window and stared for a minute.  "This is a waste of my time," he growled.  Walking over to his closet he picked up a cross bow and headed out the door.

Turning the engine over, he started to think about how nice it would be to do a kill on his own again.  The truck though refused to start.  "Damn it." He hit the steering wheel, "What's wrong with you?"  He opened the car door and jerked the bow towards him.  "Fine," he yelled at his truck.  "You don't wanna help me, fine.  I'll do this on my own."  He got out and started to walk away but he got two steps before he started to remember something and dropped the bow and fell to his knees.

***

"I don't want you to go by yourself.  Alonna doesn't either.  Gunn, she needs her big brother," the young woman pleaded.  "Please don't do this."

Gunn kept packing his things.  "I got to do this," he told her without looking at her.  "You don't understand."

She grabbed at his arm, "I do understand."  She made him turn around and look at her.  "God Gunn, out of anyone here I understand the most.  I watched those monsters take my little brother, right in front of me," a tear fell down her face.  "I lost him, I don't want to lose you too."

"You won't." Gunn told her.  He took his head and leaned it against hers.  "Everything is going to be alright.  I just need to do this."

"Then take Rondell with you," she whispered to him.  "As back up."

Gunn pulled away from her, "Rondell isn't ready.  Do you want him to get killed?"

"No!" she shouted.  "Of course not.  But I don't want you to get killed either."  She let herself calm down.  "Take me with you."

"No," he whipped around and looked at her.  "You aren't going and don't you ever say that again."

"Why?" she hissed.  "It's okay for you to go out every night and day and risk your skin, put your life on the line, but it's not okay for me?"

"You have more at stake."  He went over and took her hand in his.  "You have your whole life ahead of you."

"So do you."  She gave him a sad look.  "Gunn," she paused and put her hand on his chin so that he would look at her.  "Charles, you have your whole life too.  With me.  Money, power, a big house, you know none of that stuff matters to me.  The only time I feel like I am really myself, that I am whole, is when I am with you."

"You aren't ready," he tried again.

"Neither were you the first time you went out," she reminded him.  "But you are still here, and now you have a whole slue of people to back you up.  So take one of them."

He shook his head again.  "No," he sighed.  "I'll do this on my own."  Then he headed for the door.

"Gunn," she cried after him.  "Charles!"

He kept walking away.

"Don't walk away from me," she ran after him.  "Don't do this!"

He started to pick up his pace.

She ran.  Her feet hit the pavement hard but she did not care.  "Stop!" she grabbed his arm and made him turn around.  "Look at me," tears were streaming down her face.  "Please, don't do this."

Fear was in her eyes.  Fear of losing him and he knew why, because chances were that he would not come back if he went.  "Alright," he gave in.  "I won't go.  Not tonight."

"Thank you," she sprung into his arms and held him close.  "I love you so much."

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her back.  "I love you too Deirdre."

***

Thoughts tangled inside his mind but he finally made it up and it was done.  His soul was gone.  When he told Deirdre that he would give anything up to be with her he meant it, and he knew she would do the same for him, but he would not let her.  So he had gone and done the one thing that he knew would bind them together for the rest of their lives, so they could be happy.

Gunn was not sure how he would tell her and that was why he was standing outside waiting to go in.  Once he finally did get inside he was shocked at what he found.  She wasn't there.  She was gone.  He tried to call but she did not pick up.  Finally Rondell came and told him what had happened but he did not believe him, wouldn't.  She would not do something to him, she loved him too much.

"Look man," Rondell was trying to reason with him.  "I am telling you the truth.  She went out that door and she ain't coming back."

Gunn slammed him into a wall, "I don't believe you.  She wouldn't do that!"

Rondell pushed back.  "I saw her.  She came here and asked for you.  Then she said she couldn't be here anymore that she had to go.  She said that she was marrying that guy tonight man."

"No," Gunn growled.  "Deirdre, loves me, she wouldn't do that."  He started to pace, "We said we would give up everything just to be with each other, she meant it, I know she did."

"She was afraid for you," Rondell told him.  "You know what her pops is like.  He would have kept sending people after you and there was nothing you could have done to stop it."

"It's not suppose to be like this," Gunn shook his head.  "This is not the way things were suppose to turn out."

"I know man," Rondell sighed.  "But she did this for your own good.  You know you guys would have never worked out.  You would have to make a devil's deal or something to keep you together."

Gunn just gave him a look.  "I did make a deal," he said quietly.

"No," Rondell started to back up.  "You're lying, man.  You didn't make a deal."

"I did," Gunn hissed.  "My soul so we could be together for the rest of our lives."

"No man," Rondell kept backing up.  "No, no, no!  This is bad."  He slammed his fist into a wall.  "Man, why'd ya do it?  Don't you know what happens?"

"I know what happens," he spat out.  "Obviously though I didn't make the deal soon enough.  I was too damn chicken and now I have lost her."

"Damnit!" Rondell started to say something and then stopped.  "I didn't think you could be so stupid."

"I love her," he yelled back.  Then Gunn sunk to the floor.  "She was everything to me."

Rondell watched the person that he had come to respect crumple on the floor.  He was broken and a shell of himself.  "If this is what love does to you," he muttered heading for the door.  "Then I want no part of it, and you should stay away from it for the rest of the time you have left."

***

"Stay away from it," Gunn snorted.  That's what he should have done.  He should have stayed away from love and now he was going to pay for his mistake.  Fred was going to get hurt and there was nothing he could do to stop it.  Killing two or twenty demons in a night was not going to make his problems go away.

Picking himself off the ground he started to head back upstairs to his apartment.  Maybe going away for a while would be good.  It would give him time to think about how he was going to tell Fred that he had lied to her.  He would be away from all the hostility of the office and be able to think with a clear head for once.  Going away could be good, it might even be the thing that he needed.  He could go away and then come back and tell Fred that things weren't okay with them, that he had to let her go.  She would not accept that and it would kill him, he loved her, but it was not the same, it never could be, because she wasn't her.

***

"Hey there," Junior said quietly to the woman.  "How are ya doing?"

The woman stretched a little from behind her wooden desk.  Her longish brown hair brushed over her shoulders in a struggle to get it away from her eyes.  She rested her chin on her hand.  "Okay I guess," she smiled.  "This client is being picky though."

"Are you sure you want us going then?" he sat down opposite her.

"You have to," she nodded.  "Besides, I am looking to get some help."  She pushed a file over to him.  "The client recommended him, didn't say much about him, or who he used to work for, just that he was available now and that if I want more pay that I should look into getting him."

Junior picked up the folder.  "Why do you need someone like him?" he asked.

"For verifications for the clients.  So they know that they are getting the real thing," she laughed a little.  "So they don't think that I am slacking off and giving them fakes.  If they wanted a fake they would just go out and buy one."

"But he used to work for," Junior started but then stopped.

The woman tilted her head and looked at him with her green eyes.  "Work for who?"

"Nothing."

"No," she shook her head.  "Not anything. Do you know him?"

"Of him," Junior said.  "You know that hit we did on that demon club."

"Um," she fidgeted a little.  "Yeah," she looked down.  "The one that I told you not to do?"

"That one," he nodded.  "I still don't get why you are all uptight about that."

"I just don't think attacking innocent people is a good thing," she shrugged.  "You know the whole protect the innocent theme that you guys had going.  Those demons couldn't hurt anyone in that club and you knew that going in."

Junior sighed, "Well, you were right about some of that.  We were just seeing the black and the white."

"It's okay," she smiled.  "I did that for a long time too.  But really not all demons are bad.  Vampires on the other hand…"

"For sure," Junior nodded.  "Which is why you might want to rethink about recruiting this guy.  He used to work for this Vamp named Angel."

She took in a sharp breath and looked at him.  "You mean," she sputtered.  "Angel Investigations, that paranormal detective agency that put out all those fliers a few months ago, it's run by a Vampire!"

"Which is why we are always telling you to stay away from there," he gave her a concerned look.  "You know he wouldn't want you going anywhere near a place like that."

"I know," she looked down and let her hair fall in front of her face.  "I miss him so much.  It still hurts all the time."

"It will get better," Junior took her hand.  "You'll feel better once we get this nest out."

"You are right," she took back the file.  "Once all the Vér are dead I will feel much better."

"So will we all."  He sat there for a minute then got up.  "Look Deirdre I got to get going.  But we will have our cell phone on so if you need anything while we are gone…"

"I know," she smiled at him.  "I'll call.  You aren't leaving until two days from now are you?"

"Yep, but we gotta have a plan."

Deirdre chuckled, "That is very good to know.  A plan is important."

"Especially since we are doing this for him."

"For Gunn," a small tear ran down her face.  "I wish.  I just wish that…"

"Oh Deirdre," Junior sighed.  "I am sorry I shouldn't have said anything."

She wiped the tear away.  "No," she sniffed.  "It's okay.  It's just hard this time of year.  This whole week I kept having this nightmare.  That I was there and I just stood there watching them, the Vér, feed off him, and then make him drink.  Then," she choked on her words, "then I see Rondell go after Gunn, then kill him, so that he doesn't have to go through the rest of his life as a Vampire, but that is not the worst part," she shook her head, "no the worst part is that I beg Rondell not to kill him.  Every night I beg him to leave Gunn."

Junior stood there and didn't say anything.  "You know that is not how it went.  You know that don't you?  The whole crew was there.  He went in before we got there and there was nothing anyone could do.  We had to burn him, so that if he had drunk he wouldn't turn."

Deirdre didn't say anything.  "It was what he would have wanted," she said carefully.  "I know that."

"Alright then," Junior headed for the door and then turned again.  "You sure you are going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Deirdre started to chew on her pen.  "I just need to decide what to do about him."  She looked at Junior, "Can he be trusted?"

"Well since he isn't working for that bloodsucker anymore," he shrugged.  "Yeah, I guess."

"Thanks for the vote of support," she rolled her eyes.  "Bring everyone back."

"I will," he reassured her and then ducked out of the office closing the door behind him.  He looked back at the light coming from behind it as he started to walk down the hallway of the art gallery.  'You should tell her,' a small voice in his head spoke to him.  It was the same voice that he heard every day since Rondell had been killed.  But he gave his word and he wasn't about to go back on it.  Whatever happened Deirdre could never find out that Gunn was still alive and working for a vampire, of all things.  Junior shook himself to clear his mind and then exited the art gallery and walked towards the direction of his home.

***

Deirdre scowled a little from behind her desk.  "Why should I trust you?" she asked the person sitting across from her.

"Because I want the Vér dead as much as you do," the middle age man said.  "They killed my wife, raped my daughter and then turned her."

"I understand that," she nodded.  "But your record among my patrons is bad, to say the least.  Some of them have almost been exposed because of you."

He snorted, "I thought the only good demon was a dead demon."

"These people aren't demons," she stood up and gave him a hard look.  "Understand this Mr. Milstone, these people that allow me to have the honor of displaying their art work happen to be innocent bystanders whose mother or father happened to do violent things to a human.  They were lucky enough to be placed in a home and live a semi-normal childhood and live until they entered adulthood and found out about their unfortunate curse.  They are not demons, just the misfortunate."

Milstone waved her off.  "I don't care what you do or how you run your business.  I heard that you had people to take care of this kind of thing.  Well I am willing to pay your people money Ms. Vandeerwalt. Unless you are too busy taking care of demons to kill some Vampires."

"They aren't," Deirdre started to snap but she stopped.  She clenched her fist and her knuckles turned white.  "My people are in New Mexico right now.  There is a nest of Vér there that they are taking care off.  They wont be back until the day after tomorrow."

"No," Milstone shook his head.  "This needs to be taken care of tonight!"

"What's the rush Mr. Milstone?  They will still be undead tomorrow."

Pushing up from his chair Milstone headed for the door.  "The deal is tonight or nothing.  This is a moving nest."

"Moving nest," she eyed him.  "They know that someone is coming, don't they?"  Mr. Milstone didn't say anything.  "Well, don't they?"

"What does it matter to you?" Milstone hissed.  "I thought you would do anything to see the Vér become dust."

"Anything but get my people hurt," she replied.  "They are my family and the only people that matter to me and I am not about to put their lives on the line just because you want to pay us.  I have a very successful business Mr. Milstone; my people don't need your money.  Now get out."

"You are making a huge mistake." Milstone stared at her.

She glared at him.  "I don't see how.  My people are in New Mexico.  I am not about to recall them to clean up your mess."

"You are telling me that you sent everyone to go after some nest in New Mexico.  That you didn't keep some back up here.  What kind of a leader are you?"

Deirdre was about to make a smart remark but then she bit her tongue.  A simple thought crossed her mind, she could get rid of the Vér and the group of people who had obviously gone insane, and insure her newest would-be recruit's loyalty.  "Fine," she held up her hands.  "But they are going to want double what you offered, up front."

"Double," Milstone choked but he saw the look on her face and pulled out his checkbook.  He clenched his jaw, "Fine."  Picking up a pen he started to write.  Then he tore the check from his checkbook and handed it to her, "Double, up front."

"Thank you Mr. Milstone," she looked over the check.  "Once the bank clears it I will get on this.  Do you have a card that I can reach you at?"

He tossed the card across the desk.  "Just get it done."  He turned and stalked out of her office.

"And a good day to you too," she called after him.  Deirdre hummed a little and opened her desk drawer.  There was a yellow flyer in it that she had found on the ground a few months ago.  "We help the helpless," she read aloud.  "I'll bet.  Well let's just see how helpful you are."  Then she punched a button on the intercom that she had on her desk.  "Shannon, I have a check that I need cleared."

"Yes Ms. Vandeerwalt," the secretary said from the other side.

Deirdre leaned back in her chair and smiled.  "This will be a good day after all."

***

Inside the Hyperion hotel all was pretty much quiet.  Cordelia and Groo were training in the basement, Angel was trying not to sulk in the office but it wasn't working, and Fred was trying to read while Lorne kept trying to get her to stop reading and go enjoy life.  Gunn watched the whole scene before him with a little smile.  It was the way things were suppose to be.  Sure Wes wasn't there but still things were good.  He got up from his seat and went over to where Lorne and Fred were.  "Hey, you been bugging my girl?" he asked.

Lorne snorted.  "I am just telling her that if she keeps her nose in a book the whole time she is going to miss out on life."

"Like what?" Gunn laughed.  "Helping you pick out colors for the club that Angel isn't going to let you have in the ballroom."

"No," Lorne tried to cover.  "Besides what makes you think that he won't let me have it?  You guys destroyed my club."

"Does the word not happening mean anything to you?" Gunn laughed.  "I'm going to the kitchen.  Need anything?"

"Water please," Fred said and got a look from both of them.  "What?  I'm not allowed to drink water?"

"Sorry baby," Gunn laughed.  "You are right."  He kissed her and then went off to the kitchen.

"Now then," Lorne continued.

"Oh come on Lorne," Fred pleaded with him.  "I really, really want to read this."

He gave her a look.  "Why?  So you can be a bookworm all your life?"

"No," she shook her head.  "Cause I-"

A rather frantic looking woman who burst into the hotel lobby cut off Fred from finishing her sentence.  She was pretty, or so Fred thought, despite the fact that her green eyes were puffy from crying and the long brown hair that she had was tangled. The sound of a gulp made Fred look at Lorne and the expression on his face told her that this woman was more than just pretty.

"Is this," the woman's voice trembled.  "Is this Angel Investigations?"

Fred stood up and passed by Lorne who was still busy gawking.  "Yes," she smiled at the woman.  "I'm Fred.  How can I help you?"

"I don't know," she said.  "I just, and there was…  I just don't know what to believe anymore."  A tear started to run down her face.

"Hey Fred," Gunn called out as he walked back into the room.  "I couldn't find the water so I got you a soda."  He was about to hand her the soda when he saw who was standing in the lobby.

"Oh my god," the woman gasped.

Gunn felt like the wind had been knocked out of him but he managed one word, "Deirdre."

Before she could say anything Deirdre's eyes rolled up into her head.  Slowly her body went limp and fell to the floor.  Gunn dropped the sodas he had and went to catch her calling out her name again.  He held her so carefully in his arms and it made Fred hurt to watch him.  Something was wrong with this whole thing, very wrong, and she could feel it in her stomach.