I did not insert MYSELF in this story. You'll see why in the After Notes, but that is besides the point RIGHT NOW. WELCOME TO ANOTHER FIC. Hopefully the combination of school work and Laziness wont stop me for updating it...
Anyway, enjoy, review AND PLEASE join the forum mentioned in the AFTER NOTES!
(Unprofessional Scene Transfer)
"And IIIIIIIIII-IIII-IIIIIII, Will always love... YYYOOOOU!" A lone male figure sings as he runs from a band of barbarians chasing him through a town.
"THOUGHT JOURNEL!" He screams. The Male turns his head towards whatever direction he imagines a camera to at since he is imagining himself to be on TV. Time seems to stop around him as he does so and the pursuers freeze in their spots. This happens often when ever he wants to rant about the thoughts on his head.
(So, your probably wondering, "What weirdo from a group of crazy people singing a loud song... loudly? Well you see... I did not get put here with my on will. I actually woke up here! I know for FACT that I rested in my nice comfortable bed with the asylum caged doors locked although I did not have a choice to leave it unlocked, but apparently, some mastermind asshole Man-napped me! You think I'm weird now? See what I'm like when I first woke up! REWIND!)
The male wakes up seeing a perfect blue sky. It actually surprised him since he was used to waking up from lightning strikes just outside. He slowly gets up and looks-
(Whoa, whoa, whoa!)
At the sky where he believes I am at apparently...
(What do you think your doing, Narrator!?)
Uh... narrating?
(Look, don't just say "the male figure" you sorry excuse of a story teller. My name is Tony, alright!)
Sigh*
Fine, rewind the scene...
(More than happy to! REWIND)
An asshole of a person named Tony wakes up just outside of a town.
(Better.)
He gets up and looks left and right shocked to the point that not even himself could ignore the reality.
"Wellllll." He starts. "At least I'm free!"
Like a cartoon character he was about to dance and twirl about in happiness, but he stops himself realizing he haves absolutely nowhere to turn to. Where the hell is he? He doesn't know... period...
"Curse you man-napper..." He says under his breath.
Walking a few steps in high knee marching style, he trips over clothing and lands face first into the dirt.
Agitated, he rises again and examines the clothing he is wearing. Tony did not exactly know how to feel about wearing a long brown robe, but he woke up wearing strange things before, so it did not bother him much. The basic leather sandals would take a bit of getting used to, but he is confident in his abilities to get used to them. The glint of a blue orb catches his eye.
He scoop up it's handle and study it. Smiling, he raises the staff and declared its name. "Smashing Stick of Storms!"
He smiles even brighter at his new found staff-
"Hey buddy, it's a smashing stick!"
It's a staff that is only useful though healing.
"Nooooo" He says as if he was correcting a two year old. "The weight at the end can perfectly be used as a weapon."
I'm pretty sure that thing haves no weight.
"Even still, its a physical object, meaning I can swing it as a weapon."
Would you use something important like another person as a weapon just because it is a physical object?
"...Under certain situations."
But you still wouldn't classify it as a weapon.
"Well you-"
The metal of an axe strikes the air Tony was in just before the Bronze blade made it there.
"W-What the!?"
He runs behind a tree as cover. The blade strikes the bark above his head. He uppercuts the attacker, raises his staff as high as he could and smashes it in his foe's head, making him unconscious.
"See, narrator? Smashing Stick!"
...You know what? Whatever. He slings his ...smashing stick... Tony, you should realize how wrong that name sounds...
"Don't care, I'm keeping the name!"
Sigh*
He slings his smashing stick around his shoulder, acting as if it was an oversized sword or something. You could tell he totally over his head right now.
After potentially giving me another glare, he looks left and right, making sure not a single soul saw the scuffle.
Hey, Tony. Why don't you pick up that axe?
"My smashing stick of Storms is mightier!"
Just try it.
Tony picks up the weapon, swings it a couple of times and toss it over his shoulder. "Not for me."
Suit yourself.
"So... now what?"
What do you mean now what? Ask a bunch of questions that totally no one will answer like... How will you fair in this world... or will your family miss you or not. Maybe what class you are?
"I don't know what you are talking about. Coming from me, that's saying something."
Just look around you.
Tony looks around in all directions seeing the medieval structure and the crappy looking axe... plus it's wielder wearing the armor of a fighter.
"You better not be trying to screw with me, narrator! How can possibly be in a video game!? Fire emblem never the less!"
Well it is what it is. Now stop bitching about it and do something. What would other victims do about this situation at this point?
"...Bitch about it?"
...Oh. Well in that case, you are perfect. Keep doing what you are doing.
"Aren't you supposed to be narrating. I'm seeing more of those jerks advancing to me!"
Tony spots more bandits advancing to him.
"...Thanks narrator..." He says sarcastically.
No problem.
"Gah!"
Tony dives behind the tree again to avoid a hand axe being thrown at him.
Hey tony, why don't you charge at them like the main hero does in a anime?
"What!? You want me to get killed!?"
Oh don't be hesitant! Your the main character of this story! You could never die!
"...Some other main characters in Self inserts died to get here so..."
That's different. C'mon man! Do it for the vine!
"Man, fuck the Vine! I'm out of here!"
Tony sprints the opposite direction, with the savages chasing after him. Just like he always do (and the main reason his family said he needs help) he starts singing a random song.
"And IIIIIIIIII-IIII-IIIIIII, Will always love... YYYOOOOU!"
He turns towards his imaginary camera. "THOUGHT JOURNAL"
With everything frozen he walks closer towards his imaginary camera.
(Now you see the depth of the deep crap I'm in now!? How can possibility avoid this situ- Ooooh a blue haired badass. Lets go beg him for help!)
Returning to his original position, he exits the thought journal and continues running. This time though, towards a specific target.
"Hey, blue haired guy with a fancy sword, help me!"
The lord immediately takes notice.
"Robin! Bandits near the east bridge!"
"Got it! Frederick, take the lead! Chrom, charge with me!"
The three rushes past Tony and a dust cloud of a battle rages behind him. He can see thunder and glints of metal coming from the big fellow's armor. When it ends, the bandits can be seen on the floor. It does not take a fully developed brain to tell that they are dead.
However... Tony stills runs besides the point. After a couple of minutes, he stops for a breather... You do know that they are all dead right?
"Huh?" Tony looks behind to see he is completely lost... again. Tony, I thought you were crazy, but now I think your just stupid.
"Hey give me credit alright! So I did hear a battle start behind me, but how was I supposed to know rather the good guys win or not!?"
Dude, you can also hear the freaking narrations I make!
"Ah, Whatever. At least I'm safe!" He says triumphantly. He looks towards a myrmidon approaching him from the shadows of the alley way, cursing his luck.
He slashes his sword towards Tony ASAP. Tony uses the handle of his sta-
"Smashing Stick!"
-Smashing stick to block the sword.
"W-what... Your only a healer?" The Myrmidon says.
Backing up out of range, Tony notices what his ambusher is trying to say. "I guess so." He shrugs.
"...Where's the weapon you used to defeat my comrade back there? Was it a dagger?"
Tony only blinks, tilting his head slightly in confusion. "...Dagger? What dagger?"
"Whatever weapon you used! Y'know... Like an axe, sword... or a lance, ...a sharp thingy, Dammit!"
"Well, I did not have any of those sharp thingy."
"Wh-what! How did you- You... You fought an axe equipped soldier,"
"Yep." Tony confirms.
"And defeated him..."
"That's correct."
"All without a weapon!?"
"...Well, I have my smashing stick of storms!" He says, raising it as it was the sword belonging to king Arthor.
"That's a staff!" The sword fighter yells, losing his sanity.
"Nah, smashing stick."
"It's a staff! It's used for stuff like... healing!"
Two words. "Fuck. Healing. You totally bring the pain with a magical smashing stick!"
"...You know what? I'm going to enjoy killing you..." Tony's foe gets into the Myrmidon's stance.
"My smashing stick is bigger and sturdier than your inferior sword!"
Sigh*
Tony... please change the name of the weapon...
"NEVER!"
Tony rushes towards the Myrmidon who is confused on why he screamed that last comment.
A/N: So yeah... My first attempt to an insert... of some kind. I may have gone a bit too far, but whatever. Sorry for it's short length. I was just very excited to start an collaboration with another author. :D
That last part is a reference to a video by Dorkly on youtube. Look up "Link didn't get sword"
Anyway, I'm thinking of starting a forum where EVERYONE can get a chance to work on a different story I'm starting. The ULTIMATE COLLABORATION!
If someone already did that, PLEASE TELL ME. I WANT TO JOIN!
If there are mistakes, let me know and please forgive me. I SOOOOORT of rushed this.
The next chapter will start the story of the female side of the story. Don't worry, she's not going to literally be crazy like Tony here.