Hunter x hunter (chrollo lucilfer x reader daughter)
Chrollo's little broken spider…
Sometimes…someone hurts you so bad…it stops hurting at all…
Until something makes you feel again…and then it all comes back…
every painful memory, of the fear and hurt….
How could many one possible understand where I come from or who I am?
Even if they asked…
Would anyone even be listening?
And even if you did listen would you really hear me?
Would you really see me…for me?
Or would you even feel what I feel?
I think not…
You wouldn't remember my true words…
Because you don't want to hear my words…
You want to hear, what you want!
And not the truth!
we haven't walked the same path…
So you could never fully understand me…
Just like how I could never fully understand you…
We haven't seen the same things…
Because you saw love and beauty….
While I saw my own living nightmare…
Become my reality…
My past does define me,
because in my past I am unseen unheard and unwanted.
That is what I was!
And that is still what I am…
even If am anything at all…at this point!
I don't remember the first time my father laid his hands on me…
But I remember the last… has he pinned me down
And the pain started…
It was right before the police busted in our door…
The last thing I saw of my father was his fits…
Coming towards my face…
Has the police pulled him off me ….
And the last thing I remember of that night, was…
Was my mother running after my father has the police dragged him out of our home… and me grading my baby brother, while running out the back door... When I got pinned down by the police and my brother was force from my grip…it felt the same…maybe even worse than when my father pinned me down.
My whole world had been turned upside down, everything was out of order. A heavy sadness filled my soul has I watched my brother screaming for me…being forced into a different car, then the one I was put in.
Being taken away from me…
The next six weeks I fell deeper and deeper into darkens has I was moved from home to home, finding out my father wasn't my father…my bother wasn't my bother. And the deeper I fell, the hard it was to pull myself out of.
Trap in the misery that was my life, lost in the pain and sorrow that was my soul. I couldn't see the light. I couldn't see the way out anymore… I wanted to feel again…I wanted my hope. But most of all I wanted to dream again.
And I found the darker days of my life just kept coming, it seemed like it was always night-time and nightmares with no end to them and no waking up from them.
It made me think why?
But mostly I would try not to think about it.
Because I would try to get by…and try to survive…
Because everything less felt like nothing when you want the most important parts of your life back again.
Like wishing you could see your mother smile again…
Dancing around our living room with your baby bother.
Singing her favour song…
That would always bring a smile to your face...
But even if I couldn't have that back….
At least let me see and take care of my…
Baby brother…
Because I know he needs me…
And I bet he is scared…all anole!
Who is going to whisper to him…?
That everything is going to be alright…
Who going to whisper that to me…?
I heard plenty of promises…. they all sounded the same.
It is always the same promise to…
That it will get better…
And things will work out…
But…
Those promises, never…really came true.
I am 10 years old now…and it has been 3 years' snice I was taken away from my mother and the person I thought was my father. I got my brother back I year after that…and now it's only been 2 years and their trying to take him away again!
I scream pushing and shoving against my new adopted mother, has she holds me back, while two people are taking my brother…the memory of that night comes back to me in flashes… how they griped him away from me.
No, no…no they can't take him again!...
He is my brother! They're not his family why do they think they can just take him! "No, put him down!" I scream furious and finally getting out of my adopted mother grip.
Stumbling has I run towards the women holding my brother, heading out the front door. I scream hysterically, pushing her has hard as I can, she trips over our front step and floors to the ground hard!
Grabbing my baby brother from her. I take off running again…just like that night.
I can hear my name being shouted from behind "name" they scream, but I ignore it and keep on running at fully speed. My brother clinging to me crying his eyes out. I turn my head around to see if anyone is chasing us. And when I'm sure they're not. I go to turn my head back around when I smack right into someone.
Has I fall back, letting out a yelp of pain "ouch" I put my hand to head rubbing at it. looking up to the person I had to ran into…annoyed, I freeze in my place has a tall, older man with dark hair and grey eyes stands in front of me. He has a cross-shaped tattoo on his forehead and is wearing a pair of orb-shaped earrings. He is also wearing a fur-collared leather and fur trench coat that is unbuttoned, with a black shirt under it.
has I stare at him looking just has surprised as he is at me, after a moment he smiles at me looking down to my crying baby brother, making my grip tighten around him.
"Are you lost little girl?" he asks gently, leaning down towards me, he offers his hand out to me. "want me to help you find, your mommy?" I go to answers him back and tell him to get lost!
When I hear my name being called from behind, I snap my head around, to see my mother and the people trying to take my brother away, catching up with me fast.
Dame it!
I snap my head back around to this man and smack his hand away he looks shocked and confused at me "thanks a lot! You idiot!" I hiss at him, getting to my feet, gripping my brother tightly again. "But if you can't tell, I'm in the middle of something!" I shout while running past him and towards the end of the little village, I live in.
I keep on running…not knowing where I can run to.
Not knowing a place, I can take my brother where they can't take him away again! I feel the tears starting to stream down my face, sobbing has I just keep running away from this hopeless situation. I feel so weak, stupid and useless…I can't even protect the one thing that is most important to me…
What kind of big sister, am I?...
After what felt like hours, I finally couldn't keep running anymore…I needed up taking us to the little hill at the end of the village that I would always come and read on, under the wrath of the sunlight. Or I would sit here at the dead of night just watching the starts has they glimmered above me…
Looking so free...
I know eventually I will be found or I will have to take my baby brother back…because has much as I want to, I can't freeze time in this one moment, has I watch my baby brother running around and playing on this little hill…
This little hill… I love it so much…
I force a smile and hold back my tears has my bottom lip trembles, when my baby brother runs to me with a bunch of flowers that he has picked for me. leaning down I pull him into a tight hug "thank you, I love them…" my voice cracking ever so slightly.
"I love you…so much." I whisper in his ear trembling has he hugs me back with that big goofy smile on his face that I love some much…so innocent.
He is only a baby…just only 5 years old…he has no idea how cruel the world can be…and I wish I could keep it that way.
I wish I could just keep him safe and happy with me…
I finally let the tears slowly roll down my checks has he turns around again to run and get me more flowers…because he thinks, I need them all and it will make me happy…so innocent.
If only he knew the only thing I need to me be happy is him…
I try so hard to keep my sobbing and whimpers quite has the realisation sinks in…that there is nothing I can do…to keep him.
But the more I think about it the faster the darkens and sadness consumes me. I sit down onto the grass, leaning against a tree and curling my knees up to my face and wrapping my arms around my legs I begin to cry uncontrollably closing my eyes tightly…feeling like I can't breathe!
I'm so tired of being storng….so tired of trying to protect everything and myself at the same time. I want a mommy that can be strong for me when I can't…I want a dad that doesn't hit me! But instead makes me laugh and looks after me…
I'm so tired…
But I know what I am wishing for is impossible…I can't trust anyone to take care of me… for once.
I jump suddenly, my eyes flashing open when I feel a finger go across my cheek stroking away at my tears. Quickly looking to my side, taking a breath in, which I didn't realise I was holding. I see the man that I jump into on the street kneeling down next to me .
"tears, don't suit your pretty little face, sweetie …" he says gently with a small but sad smile pulling on his lips. I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment and quickly rubbing my eyes and pushing his hand away.
"shut up, I'm not even crying…" I try to snap but my throat is dry from crying so much and it comes out more like a dry whimper. I hear him chuckle at my lie and feel his hand pat my head twice before sitting down on the side of tree leaning against it himself.
"lair" he mumbles with humour in his voice
I snap around the tree angry looking at his stupid face he has his eyes closed and a grin stuck on his lips. "Am not!" I hiss at him, he slightly turns his head to me and cracks open one eye. His grinning making me feel more embarrassment and irritated.
Who is this guy?...
"okay then…why was you not crying?" I can hear the air quotes in his voice. I snap my head back around looking away from him and to my brother has he sits picking me more flowers.
And I don't know why but I answer this strangers question "I wasn't crying, because…I'm weak." I whisper
"I see…and why are you weak, sweetie?" He asks curiously truing around to look at me, I keep eyes on my brother.
"because…"
"Because, I can't stop the things I love the most been taken away from me." I say keeping my eyes fixed on my baby brother. I feel his eyes move to him too and only answers with a "oh…"
After that he turns back leaning against the tree again and for a moment its quite with only the sound of the gently breeze going through the lefts on the tree. I close my eyes taking a deep breath in a for a moment, I relax just listening to the trees moving and the laughter of my brother.
Only opening eyes again to look up to the sky when the strange man speaks again to me. "you know…being weak isn't the reason, why." He mumbles and I look at the sky confused. I wait for him to talk again.
"The reason you can't keep, your brother…is not because you weak." I turn to him but he keeps his eyes closed looking relax and clam against the tree.
"It's not…?" I ask even more confused and he opens his eyes looking very amused with my answers.
"No…it's not." He says gently with an amused smile coming onto his lips, but I take more noticed of the tattoo of a cross on his forehead, his hair covers it a little now, and I finally noticed that it is isn't put back any more but now down over the sides of his face… he looks less scary with his hair down like that.
"It's because you're still a little girl yourself and you need protecting and taking care of has well." I feel my eyes widen in shock…completely taken back.
Some else take care of me?
What he says makes me feel sick…how could I impossible trust someone to care of me again? I learned my lesson with that lie a long time ago… when my so called father…beat me every day like I was his personally punching Bag.
I narrow my eyes at him has flashy of that man pop back into my mind… "I will never trust anyone, every again, to take care of me!" my voice deadly series and he looks at me like this isn't something he didn't expect me to say.
"Is that so?" he asks with a more series tone then mine, I just nod turning my head back to my brother now lying down asleep in the soft grass under the sunlight, holding all the flowers his pick for me against his chest.
"May I ask why?" he says, turning now sitting right next me…looking like he already knows my answer to this.. I wait a moment not knowing if I should answer his question. In the end decide I have no reason not to.
"Because my father…" I pause.
Not my father…
"The person who is meant to take care of me" I stop again putting my head down in the sadness.
"Beat me…like a was nothing more than a burned to him…like I was nothing more than a punching bag!" I snap the last part looking at him and I can feel the rage building inside of me and I know it can be seen in my eyes. But it doesn't last long. Because when my eyes meet his…I see the burning rage in his own dark eyes. I feel confused not knowing why all of a sudden he has gotten angry...
"That man was not your father!" His angry tone of voice takes me by surprise…why is he anger?
hang on that is not the problem here…
How… how did he know my father wasn't actually, my father?
I back away from him a little and stand up, looking down at him now has he stays sitting against the tree. "How… how did you know that?" I ask confused but more worried than anything. His eyes soften a little and just waits for me to talk again.
"Who are you anyway?" I question him again getting more anger with his silence "I know everyone in this little village!" I snap "you are not from here!"
"So why are you here?" I keep questioning him my voice getting lounder, making my brother look over to me.
He finally answers me with a sad smile "I'm here for my daughter." He says this gently but I can hear something less in it. That I can't put my finger on…and what's that look in his eyes!
"Who is your daughter?" "What's her name!" I ask getting more snapping and impatient with him and his attitude.
I wait a moment, my eyes not leaving his, has I watch him decide if he should tell me more not and finally he stands up in front of me patting down his coat has he does, then turning to me…slowly putting a hand on my shoulder "Its (name) Lucilfer…" I feel my eyes widen in shock and my breathing gets a little heavier all of a sudden…my heart starts beating fast…has panic takes over.
His eyes just become sad and have sorrow in them has he watches my reaction to his answers…
Why?...
Does he think…this some sort of joke? Saying my name!
I smack his hand off my shoulder and stumble back away from him, no longer feeling comfortable in his presence. He doesn't try to reach for me just watches has I become more consumed and irritated with this.
"Th…that's my name!" I hiss angrily at him "If…if you think saying that is a joke..." He interrupts me, before I can finish talking.
"I would never joke about that …. (name)." He says gently with an amused smile on his lips…Does he think; this is funny or something! "whatever!" I yell waving a hand in the air, truing around I rush towards to my brother, picking him up into my arms again.
I turn to the strange man…claiming he is here for his daughter…who just happens to have the same name has me. "you…" I hesitate at first pulling my brother up more into my grip. He watches me has I try to keep my composure, with an amused smirk.
"you stay away from me!" I shout turning around I run down the hill with my brother. "stupid creep!" I shout loudly not turning back to look at him…
He isn't…
I run telling myself…
He isn't….my father!