Remus Lupin is thirty five when she first walks, (or, rather, trips) into his life.
It's on the day of the first meeting of the newly re-formed Order of the Phoenix and, after another round of constant vigellance!-ing from Alastor Moody the man had quietly stepped into the hallway for a breather.
After teaching lovely yet blissfully ignorant (or at least blissfully ignorant until September '94) children for a year and then becoming somewhat of a recluse alongside Sirius for a year, Remus had almost forgotten what it felt like to be in the company of people that didn't either pity or detest him.
Almost.
He is wishing that just one person other than Sirius would look at him with something other than pity in their eyes when he hears a loud thud! followed by what he can only call a string of very inventive curses.
Turning, he sees a young woman – a quite pretty young woman, he must admit- with shockingly red hair and the hideous troll-leg umbrella stand sprawled on the floor.
Trying his hardest not to smile, Remus walks towards the woman and crouching slightly, offers her a hand. She rolls her eyes to look at him, eyebrows furrowing for a second as if to figure out whether or not he is a threat. After a second she seems to decide that ultimately he isn't going jump up and attack her, taking his hand and allowing him to pull herself to her feet.
"Are you okay?" he asks. "It looks like you managed to take quite a fall"
"Yeah, I-"
Before she can finish, however, the curtains to Walburga Black's painting fly open and the usual shrieking begins.
"FILTH! SCUM! HALF-BREEDS AND BLOOD TRAITORS IN THE HOUSE OF MY FAMILY THIS IS NO FAMILY OF MINE NO RELATION-"
"ENOUGH, MOTHER!"
The second voice is that of Sirius, rushing from the kitchen to yank the curtains closed over his Mother's portrait before turning on his heel to face the two.
"Aaah, Moony! I was wondering where you had gotten to. In fact I was considering getting the Order together and going on a manhunt for you; if you hadn't heard already, this house has a reputation for destroying everything it comes into contact with. Curse of the Blacks I'm afraid. My dearest Dora here knows all about that, though, don't you?"
"I do, unfortunately" Dora replies, grimacing slightly.
It takes a second for Remus to realise who this woman is; Nymphadora Tonks, Sirius' first cousin once removed and, along with her mother Andromeda, Harry and he himself one of the four living people that Sirius cared enough about to never stop talking about.
"Dora, you seem to have gone from the meeting too" Sirius continues, furrowing his brow in mock confusion. "Where you, perhaps, sneaking out the back for a cigarette? Because I feel if you were I should definitely make contact with your Mother-"
"You could" she replies "and I could also tell her that it was in fact watching you chain smoke at the age of five that led me to such a decision..."
"Touché, little cousin. Touché"
Sirius opens his mouth as if to say something else before sweeping his eyes over the two. A small grin tugged at the corners of his mouth as his eyes rest back upon Remus' face.
"I was going to drag the two of you back inside by your collars but I feel as if that would be... interrupting something. Please, carry on" he finishes, brushing past the two, sniggering as he walks into the kitchen.
Remus watches the kitchen door swing closed before realising that his hand feels a little warmer than before. Upon looking down he discovers what Sirius seemed to find hilarious; he is, in fact, still holding her hand.
He, Remus Lupin, is holding the hand of a pretty young woman.
He, Remus Lupin, is holding the hand of a pretty young woman whom just so happens to be related to Sirius.
He, Remus Lupin, the same Remus Lupin who is holding the hand of a pretty young woman who just so happens to be related to Sirius, is never going to hear the end of this.
He looks up to see that Nymphadora has followed his gaze with her own eyes. She looks up at him, the tiniest pink blush across her cheeks before pulling her hand away and laughing nervously.
"Sorry about that. I'm right clumsy, I am. Quite lucky you were there to come to my rescue. My hero" she jokes, a slightly teasing smile on her lips.
"Well, they do call me Remus Lupin, hero extraordinaire"
The joking response comes as naturally as if he were talking to a close friend, despite having only met this woman a few minutes before. As she smiles at him, his lips can't help but turn up in a mirror of hers.
"There" she says suddenly.
"Excuse me?"
"Your smile. It's real this time. In the meeting earlier, people were talking to you and you were smiling at them but it was a fake smile. I am an auror, after all, trained to notice such things."
"If that happens to be what they're teaching upcoming Aurors these days, then I am sincerely worried for our future"
"How to spot a fake smile on a stranger 101. I aced it." She laughs before continuing "I'm going to head back in before Sirius gets the wrong idea about the two of us."
She walks past him towards the kitchen door before turning towards him once again.
"Since you don't smile often, I guess I'm just going to have to try my hardest to get your real smile back again, aren't I?"
Remus stands for a second before coming upon something she said before; she had been looking at him during the meeting?
It is only after that she has gone that he realises that her hair had changed from bright red to pink during their encounter.
X
Its two months before he hears that phrase.
It is the night after the Advance Guard took Harry from the Dursley's and Sirius is as good as unconscious thanks to the amount of alcohol he has consumed.
He's sitting close to her, perhaps a little bit tipsy (which he'll say is the first time in a good ten years) and they're talking about everything and anything.
Recently, he has struck up quite a friendship with don't-call-me-Nymphadora Tonks. Between ensuring that Sirius doesn't drink himself to death and being paired up for watch together a little too often, the two have been spending a fairly large amount of time in each others company.
"Merlin, Sirius has developed a fair habit, hasn't he?" she says, sipping from her own glass.
"He has, although I will say that he never has had the best control over his consumption of alcohol"
He glances her in his peripheral vision; her nose is crinkled slightly and he can't help but smile.
"There it is again. Your real smile, not the I'm-a-nice-guy-so-I'm-going-to-smile-even-though-I-don't-find-you-charming-at-all smile"
After laughing at this, Remus turns to look at her fully.
"Whoever said that you were charming, Nymphadora?"
"It's natural, Remus" she drawls, leading him to believe that she herself might have had a little too much. "And dohn't caaall me Nymphadora"
She takes another generous sip before declaring "if you weren't really smiling then I'm going to have to try harder next time, aren't I?"
X
Sirius has been gone for exactly nine days when she kisses him.
It's been horrible and, if it weren't for her, he wonders if he would even be here anymore.
She was hurt in the fight, too; a broken arm, a rib and quite a few large cuts and bruises, keeping her in St. Mungo's for a couple of days. All to be expected from Bellatrix, of course, although that doesn't stop him from being angry, of course. Still, anger only eats away at Remus' insides and does not quell the rising grief from the death of his brother.
The two are standing in a room in Grimmauld Place, staring at the old tapestry of the Black family, after another Order of the Phoenix meeting. The house is all but empty and he knows that he should be leaving soon since this place just reminds him of what he has lost but something seems to be keeping him rooted to the spot. The overwhelming need to be alone had led him to this room; he had formerly thought that it would be deserted although upon finding out who was occupying the room, Remus suddenly didn't feel the need to be alone anymore.
Funnily enough, he also didn't feel quite so alone anymore, either.
"This is me" she says after an extended period of silence, tapping a spot near the bottom of the tapestry, under a burn mark, with her foot. The spot is completely empty, just like her voice had been.
"With all that's said and done, would you really want it to be you?" he asks.
"No. Yes. I don't-" she breaks off and looks at her and feet and he sees her for the broken girl she is, the one that always lacked three quarters of a family. The one that was scorned by the purebloods and taunted by the lower classes; not quite pure enough to be a pureblood, but far to Black to be anything else.
Maybe her scars are just a little more internal.
"No" she finally decides. "No, I don't want that to be me. No. In decades and decades, this tapestry will still exist and every person on this tree is going to be remembered. For what? Chopping heads off of elves and trying to kill their own relatives. At least if I die tomorrow, I'll know I died on the right side, even if no one will remember my stupid name"
You can't die he thinks and, although he manages to stop the words from coming out of his mouth, it doesn't stop him from realising that the young, pretty girl whose hand he held might just be all he has left.
He also might just be a little bit in love with her.
She sighs and he promises himself that she'll never find out what he has just admitted to himself.
"I miss Sirius" she says, her voice so tiny that it is swallowed by the massive room.
"I know" he replies and, without really thinking about it, he reaches for her hand.
A friendly gesture he assures himself.
She studies him for moment before closing the distance between them. It's then that she stands on her tiptoes presses her lips against his.
Something in his mind tells him to push away, but all he seems to be able to do is pull her closer. Not that he wants to admit it, but he's been imagining this in his mind for almost a year now.
She pulls back and rests her forehead against his own. Remus' eyes are still closed when he apologises.
"I'm sorry" he murmurs, before gently pushing himself away from her and walking out the door.
"I guess I'll just have to try harder to get you to smile next time, won't I?" he hears her ask and, although she tries to keep her voice light, it cracks at the end.
X
The next few months drag on and on. That, however, is to be expected when sleeping in a wolf's den.
Literally.
Then, of course, there's the returning bit. Molly doesn't like him at the moment, not one little bit and, to be honest, he doesn't really like himself much at the moment either. Still, he reassures himself that heartbreak will lead to a future without him, therefore a future which will be better for her.
He's pretty much used all the excuses he can, over and over until they seem ingrained upon his being.
"Too poor. Too old. Too dangerous. I'll only hurt you. I can't provide for you. You deserve better. So much better. Someone young and whole."
Somehow, he's even able to hold himself together when she asks for the words he cannot say: "tell me you don't love me"
If he says that, she claims, then she will stop chasing him.
He just can't seem to choke the words out.
Even if seeing her drained of all colour is tearing him to pieces inside.
X
Remus finally admits he loves her in a damp field a few months after she kisses him.
He doesn't quite know what it is that makes him allow himself to love her; maybe it's the death of a wise leader; perhaps her confession in front of the masses; the advice of the people he respects the most; one thing he does know, however is that he is done.
Done fighting his feelings because, you know what? Why shouldn't he let himself be happy? It's not like he has anything else left.
When he finds her she's leaning against one of the walls to the castle and she won't look him in the eye.
"I'm sorry" he says.
"You already said" she replies.
"I-"
"I'm done, Remus. I give up. Dumbledore's dead and Sirius is dead and... and Bellatrix is alive and there must be something wrong with me and I just give up. I'll see you around, I guess."
She turns and walks away.
"Wait"
She carries on walking.
"Please"
She stops.
"I'm sorry, Nymphadora. I'm sorry for everything I have caused you this year. I'm sorry that I can't be the person you need but apparently I'm the person that you want and I... well, usually, I'm better with words, for one thing. You were right. I can't change what I am but I also can't change that fact that I love you and, if you still want me..."
Nymphadora Tonks turns, walks back towards him and, once more, kisses him.
"Apparently another side effect of lycanthropyis stupidity"
It's late, it's raining, it's cold, the greatest wizard of all time has just died and yet, against all odds Remus finds himself laughing.
The next day, of course, he'll feel the brunt of her anger; he'll be shouted at, sworn at and raged at, just about managing to bite his own tongue.
For now, however, he finds himself smiling against everything.
"At least I got you to smile. I mean, I did try my hardest" she says, leading him into the nearby village.
That night, in a rented room he'll probably never see again, he loves her.
X
Remus Lupin feels somewhat like a child; shaking and scared and excited all at the same time.
Mere weeks ago, he asked for her hand. Perhaps it was too soon but, on the night that he gave into her, war was promised and he'd never forgive himself if he didn't marry her whilst he still had the chance.
(and, call him old fashioned, but he'd sort of wanted to marry her since the day he met her, if that was possible)
Finally, he gets the chance on a warm summer day, with the birds singing and, he might add, no Charlie Weasley in sight.
(After an obviously restless night, she'd told him all about Charlie's proposition. She also told him that she ended up leaving Charlie alone and, she might add, fully clothed. That was done. Over.)
Finally, he steps up to her and promises her everything he should have from day one.
Finally, he takes her hand and says "I do"
And, it might even be necessary to note that he does it all with a smile on his face; a real smile, all thanks to her.
A/N:
Oh look, I'm alive.
This might be like, super out of character because Remus is a penis to write as and, secondly, it's late again.
This hints at and is in the same style as a previous piece of mine called "for you, there'll be no more crying" which is where the Charlie reference at the end comes in.
Also I didn't beta this because fuckin' YOLO. I use that phrase in jest, might I add.