1. Ford: You know, we still haven't named the planet yet.
Sheppard: I'm sure the Ancients have a name for it.
Ford: How about Atlantica; something like that?
Sheppard: I thought we agreed you weren't going to name anything anymore.

2. SF #1: Bacon.
SF #2: The one thing you wish you'd brought with you is bacon.
SF #1: It's the food that makes other food worth eating.
SF #2: You wish you'd brought bacon to another galaxy.
SF #1: Hey, you asked me what-

3. Weir: So the city would survive?
McKay: Mm, I'd give us a better than 90-
Zelenka: 70-
McKay: 80 chance.
Weir: Okay, so we should still evacuate.
McKay: Yes, but not just because of Zelempka's pessimism-
Zelenka: Zelenka.

4. McKay: Elizabeth, you take grounding station two. I'll take grounding station one. Major, you take stations three and four.
Sheppard: Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second. Where are stations three and four?
McKay: Here and here.
Sheppard: And we are-
McKay: Here. Yes. I need to get done quickly so I can start working on the subroutines, and Elizabeth was complaining about her knee the other day-
Sheppard: Whoa whoa whoa, wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?
McKay: Uh, yes, Elizabeth's is.
Sheppard: And mine?
McKay: Uh, it's a brisk walk away.
Sheppard: And by "brisk" you mean "far."
McKay: By "walk" I mean "run."

Sheppard: Okay.


5. Sheppard: I'm here.
McKay: I told you to contact me when you go to the first one, Major.
Sheppard: I am at the first one, Rodney.
McKay: Oh, sorry. I've already done mine.
Sheppard: Oh, great. Good for you.
Weir: Me, too.
Sheppard: Good for everyone.
McKay: Where are you now?
Sheppard: I'm at the damn grounding station.
McKay: No no no, not you.
Weir: I'm in the transporter.
McKay: There you are.
Weir: There I am.
Sheppard: Glad everybody's having such a good time.

6. Teyla: It would be better if I went alone.
Sheppard: You will be alone... with Lt. Ford.

7. McKay: It's a command subroutine I've never seen before.
Zelenka: What is its function?
McKay: I don't know because I've never seen it before.

8. Cowen: We give thanks to our new friends.
Everyone: We give thanks.
Cowen: Please, eat.
McKay: You don't think there's lemon in this, do you?
Ford: I'm sure it's delicious.
McKay: Have you seen someone in anaphylactic shock?
Ford: Eat.

9. Beckett: It's not that I mind lending people a hand.
Sheppard: No, of course not.
McKay: You're a generous man, Carson.
Beckett: But it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? You can't go and volunteering someone for something without consulting them first. That's not even volunteering, is it? It's being pressed into service.

10. McKay: No no no, he just doesn't like going through the Stargate.
Sheppard: He's worse than Dr. McCoy.
Teyla: Who?
Sheppard: The TV character that Dr. Beckett plays in real life.

11. Beckett: Converting a human body into energy and sending it millions of light years through a wormhole. Bloody insanity.
McKay: Come on, how often do you get to travel to an alien planet?
Beckett: I was already on an alien planet.

12. Weir: Major, have you made any progress with your prisoner?
Sheppard: Not yet, but he just blinked.
McKay: He blinked? What does that mean?
Sheppard: It means he's still holding on, but he's indicated to me that he may break soon.
McKay: And he indicated this to you by blinking?
Sheppard: Yes.

13. Weir: What are our options?
McKay: Well, let me see - we have slow death, quick death, painful death, cold lonely death...

14. Caldwell: Can we submerge the city again?
McKay: It's a city, not a yo-yo.

15. Beckett: How come I never make friends like that?
McKay: You need to get out more.
Beckett: We're in another galaxy. How much more out can you get?

16. [ McKay is wearing an Ancient personal force field generator
Weir: I'm still trying to understand how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony.
McKay: Oh, believe me, that's not the first thing we tried.
Sheppard[Smug I shot him.
[Dr. Weir gives him "the look"
Sheppard: In the leg!
Dr. Rodney McKay: I'm invulnerable!
Weir: Aren't you the one who's always spouting off about how proper and careful scientific procedure must be adhered to?
Dr. Rodney McKay[Smug In-vul-nerable!

17. Beckett: He fainted.
McKay: Oh there's gotta be a better word.
Beckett: Faint is a proper medical term.
McKay: I passed out from... manly hunger!

18. McKay: Using power... using power... using power.

19. Sheppard: Without inertial dampening, we'd be hit by so many g's, our eyes would pop, our skin would pull away from our faces, our brains would squish up to the back our skulls, and our internal organs would be crushed into these chairs. What about that sandwich?

20. McKay: I built an atomic bomb for my grade six science fair exhibit.
Ford: They let you do that up in Canada?

21. McKay: What is it you said they grow here anyway?
Teyla: Many things, but they are best known for a bean known as Tava.
McKay: Java?
Sheppard: Tava!

22. McKay[the team is trying to come up with a solution to a problem while being very short on time You're right. If only we had a magical tool that could slow down time. I foolishly left mine on Earth - did you bring yours?
Zelenka: You know, you're not pleasant when you're like this, McKay.
McKay: I'm always like this.
Zelenka: My point exactly.

23. Weir: The city can handle that?
McKay: Yes. Theoretically.
Sheppard: Like "dinosaurs turned into birds" theoretically or "theory of relativity" theoretically?
McKay[looks confused What? Um, somewhere between.

24. McKay: I'm picking up a strange reading from right over there.
Sheppard: Define strange.
McKay[pause You don't know what strange means?

25. Ronon[after Sheppard, Teyla, Rodney, and Ronon are held captive, Ronon is trying to get out of his hand restraints I think they're loosening.
Sheppard: Watch it, Chewie. You're gonna cut your damn hands off!

26. McKay: There's no sign of any settlements - at least, nothing recent.
Ronon[pointing Other than the smoke from that campfire.
McKay: Ah. Yes, well, other than that.

27. Teyla: What do you want from us?
Torrell: Well, we've already got your weapons. Now I do believe we'll take your ship. You see, we have been planning a little trip to the mainland, but after seeing you fly that thing through the Ancestral Ring...
McKay: If you're referring to the ship you just shot down, the one that doesn't stand a hope in hell of ever flying again...
Torrell: The ship that you're gonna fix, yes.
McKay: What am I, MacGyver? Fix it with what?

28. Ronon: Well, eventually I will get free and when I do, he's gonna pay for this.
Sheppard: Now listen to me. When you get free, you get us free and we all get out of here. Let 'em find out we're gone after we're gone.
Ronon: You're expecting me to let them get away with this?
Sheppard: The operative words are "get away".
Ronon: After I kill them.
Sheppard: That type of thinking will get us killed.

29. Ronon: Well, if you had returned fire...
Sheppard: The weapons systems were damaged.
Ronon: If you say so.
Sheppard: I do say so, and right now I'm saying knock it off.
Ronon: Is that an order, Sheppard?
Sheppard: I am beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza right now if I wanted to. But if you need it to be, yeah - it's an order.
Ronon: Okay.

30. McKay[seeing a security escort of only two marines Whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. What is this? This is my security escort?
Weir: Well, we are spread a little bit thin right now.
McKay: OK.
[to the marines
McKay: You need to know that if we come under fire, you're gonna have to put your lives on the line to protect me.
Weir: Rodney!
McKay: OK, I mean the Zed-PM. You need to protect the Zed-PM at all costs... and me.

31. McKay[facing a wraith guard So! This is how it's gonna be, huh? Just me?
McKay[seeing another Wraith guard come up OK! That's just fine!
McKay[he draws his pistol and points it at them, grinning in bravado
McKay: You want some of this, huh? Huh?
McKay[as he goes to fire his pistol, he presses the wrong part of the gun and the magazine ejects and drops to the floor

32. Weir: How much time do you need?
McKay: Oh, well...
Zelenka: ...a week...
McKay: ...a couple of hours.
Weir: I'll take the second estimate. Go.

33. Ford[looking at Wraith called Steve You know, he looks kinda peaceful...
Beckett[outraged about having to take its blood Peaceful? You're out of your bloody mind!

34. McKay[after injecting himself with Wraith enzyme and beating up two guards And that's what happens when you back a brilliant scientist into a corner

35. Sheppard: Two heads think better than one.
McKay: That's a common misconception.
Sheppard: Just give me a gun so I can shoot him

36. Neera: The Wraith will not allow us to escape.
Sheppard: Yeah, well, I try not to let them tell me what I can and can't do.
Neera[surprised You do not fear them?
Sheppard: The Wraith? Naah. Now clowns - that's another story. Scare the crap out of me.

37. Neera: You have fought the Wraith before?
Sheppard: Lots of times. Won some battles, lost some. War's not over by a long shot, but we're managing to hold our own.
38. Neera: And the clowns?
Sheppard: The clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns... we fight them too. Entire armies, spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off, but they keep sending 'em in.

39. Sheppard: Did Ronan shoot me?
Weir: You had it coming

40. [McKay buttons up his collar while entering the cave with the Iratus bugs
Beckett: You don't seriously think that's gonna help?
McKay: When they see your neck before they see mine, you won't think it's stupid.
[several minutes later, Beckett lifts up his collar before trying to harvest the eggs
McKay: See! Not so stupid!
Carson Beckett M. D.: Ah, shut up.

41. [about an adolescent Wraith
Sheppard: So it's a teenage things. Pimples, rebellion, life sucking.
Beckett: Something like that.

42. [explaining an energy weapon to Sheppard
McKay: The sticking point is that, ah, there is no tie between the power generator and the primary capacitor.
Zelenka: Meaning that they would have to channel the power directly into the weapon.
Rodney McKay: Which I'm sure that means nothing to you.
Sheppard: It means they could fire multiple bursts without having to store more power for the next firing sequence.
McKay: Yes... very good.
Sheppard: Which leads me back to 'cool'!

43. McKay: I'm not crazy. I just have another consciousness in my brain.
Sheppard: So he just looks crazy.
McKay: I'm sure I do, but only because Dr. Fumbles McStupid over here was in way over his head!

44. Weir: You think once the initial shock is over, we'll have the old Rodney back?
Beckett: I'm afraid so.

45. McKay[about radiation exposure As it is, I may have to forgo reproducing.
Lorne: Yeah, that's funny, I was just thinking that might be wise.

46. McKay[whispering I don't think they've detected us.
Weir[whispering too Why are you whispering?
McKay[still whispering I dunno. It just seems like the right thing to do.

47. Sheppard: This is what I do when I have problems with my laptop, I turn it off and then I... turn it on again.
Weir: I think this is a little bit more complicated than that.
48. Sheppard: I'm just saying that if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard book of computer repair, we're really desperate.

Beckett: You have a date, Rodney? With a woman?
McKay: It is simply two adults sharing some friendly... Yes, with a woman!

49. Weir: How are you?
Sheppard: Oh, I'm mutating into a bug. How are you?

50. Caldwell[over radio Dr. McKay, What's your status?
Teyla: Dr. McKay is... not here.
Caldwell: What?
Teyla: He had to ...
Ronon: He had to check something on the Wraith pod.
Teyla: Yes, the Wraith pod. He had to check the... biometrics receiver, needed to reconfirm the frequencies of the normal feedback loop.
Caldwell: Why isn't he on his radio?
Teyla: Well, actually we have been having trouble reaching him ourselves. I think it may have something to do with... interference from the um... magnetic shielding of the pods.
Ronon[sardonically Yeah, shielding.
Teyla: Ronon was just about to check on him, see what is taking him so long.
Caldwell: All right go get him, light a fire under him.
Teyla: Right away.
Caldwell: And I want a status report as soon as his radio is working. Caldwell out.
Ronon[to Teyla Nice stalling.