Author: The Inamorata

Title: Simple Pleasures

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. This is purely fanmade, and was not made for profit of any kind. Do not copy whatsoever.

Summary: The doctor stood up, and as if she had read his thoughts, she patted him on the back with a warm smile. "The night is darkest before the dawn," she said. "I'm sure you'll find what you're missing."

Author's Note: Finally writing a chaptered Gravitation story. I've got big plans for this, so if you liked my other oneshots please read this as well. As always, all reviews (good or bad) are greatly appreciated and will be responded to.

Edit: Added preview at the end of the chapter. I will be doing this for all chapters from now on!

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Chapter One

It was a cold night. All the windows and doors in Yuki Eiri's apartment had been shut and locked, all the shades drawn to prevent anyone from looking in. Despite the chilliness, he decided not to run the heater. He had other ways of staying warm in mind.

Yuki Eiri lay on his stomach in bed, his head resting on his folded arms, turned slightly to his left to watch the sleeping figure beside him. The covers were pulled up halfway over his bare back, covering his long legs but revealing his feet sticking out at the bottom. He desperately craved a cigarette, but he feared that any slight movement, any flick of a lighter, any breath, would wake his resting partner.

"Hey... Yuki?"

Yuki was startled at the sound of Shuichi Shindo's voice. He had been sure that he was sleeping, and was surprised that he even had enough energy left to speak at all. He lay on his back, the covers pulled up to his chest, though he was still short enough that they covered the entirety of his lower body. His eyes had been closed, but they were open now, looking up at the ceiling.

"Hm?"

"We're going to be together forever... right?"

"... Mm hmm."

A small smile formed on Shuichi's lips as he rolled his body over, facing his partner. He snuggled in closer to Yuki, resting his head lightly on his shoulder and closed his eyes. Yuki smiled down on him and closed his eyes as well, enjoying the moment. A soft snore began to emerge from Shuichi's throat, and Yuki's smile turned into a frown. He definitely couldn't get a cigarette now.

--Ten Years Later--

"Shuichi Shindo? The doctor will see you now."

"Thanks."

Shuichi stood from the waiting room chair and began walking toward the office door. He followed the nurse down a hallway, then down another, until finally they reached a door adorned with a sign with his doctor's name. The nurse smiled and opened the door for him.

"Go ahead and take a seat, the doctor will be in here shortly."

"Thanks."

He didn't sit down. He never really enjoyed visits to the doctor, and didn't think a therapist would be much better. Even though it had been Hiro's suggestion, he didn't think he'd be able to get comfortable here. He walked to the window and peered out the blinds to the busy city street below. He wanted his one hour session to be over before it even started.

A door clicked behind him.

"Good morning, Shuichi, how are you doing today?"

Shuichi turned to see the doctor. She looked around his age, though a bit taller than him. Her light brown hair had been pulled back into a ponytail, her glasses pushed up to the bridge of her nose. Instead of a doctor's coat and a firm look she wore casual clothes and a soft smile. Shuichi guessed that she dressed that way to make her patients feel more comfortable. It was kind of working.

"Um... I'm fine."

"That's good, good. Go ahead and take a seat where ever you're comfortable."

Shuichi sat down on a burgundy couch next to the doctor's desk. He leaned forward slightly and folded his hands on his knees, in anticipation for the questions she might ask him. The doctor also took a seat at her desk, though she swiveled her chair to face him. She, too, folded her hands in her lap.

"So, Shuichi, has anything been bothering you recently?"

He thought for a moment. "Not really," he replied, shaking his head. "My career's been great and it's still going strong. I'm healthy. I'm on good terms with my parents and my band members. Everything's great, really."

"Are you happy?"

"I..." Shuichi opened his mouth, then closed it. He didn't know what happiness was anymore, but he didn't think he was feeling it. Happiness was writing lyrics. Happiness was performing live on stage in front of thousands of fans. Happiness was hanging out with the band members, making memories with people he loved, being with Yuki Eiri, feeling his warm body on his own cold skin...

He shook his head to get the thought out of his mind. "I feel like... I'm missing something."

"I see," the doctor said thoughtfully. "Do you know what it is?"

"Nn..." He stopped as Yuki came to his mind again. Had he really missed him this much, after so many years of not being together? He had never thought of him, never thought of the memories he had with him since then. It all hurt too much. It hurt to reopen those wounds. "Yeah... yeah, I do."

"Is it something you can try to get back?"

"He won't come back," he said, looking at his feet. He grabbed the cloth of his sweatshirt over his heart with his right had and squeezed it as hard as he could. He shouldn't have come here. "It hurts."

"Go ahead and lay down if it makes you feel more comfortable," she offered. Shuichi didn't move.

"You know, don't you, doctor? Yuki and me... it was in the papers..." He wasn't looking at her.

"Shuichi, you should know better than anyone that the tabloids can't be trusted," she said. "Anything I might have heard or not doesn't matter here. You're side of the story is the only one I can trust."

Shuichi looked up. Her face was serious, but as he looked up she gave him a warm smile. He couldn't tell if this one was real, or if it was a 'comfort smile' like the others. But it definitely made him feel a little better.

"Yuki... was the only person I ever loved," he said, making himself horizontal on the couch. "I still love him. We were together for seven years."

"What happened?"

Shuichi was quiet for a moment, staring up at the ceiling with his hands folded over his stomach. "Bad Luck finally got a world tour," he said. "We were all thrilled, and I wanted Yuki to come with me. Hiro was bringing his girlfriend, so I wanted Yuki to come too. But he wanted to work on his writing, so he insisted on staying home. He told me to go and have fun with the band, that it was finally our big break outside of Japan and I couldn't waste my time with him. So I left him in Japan.

"The tour was a huge success. Every venue we played at sold out, it was great. To finish off the tour, we had one last concert at the Tokyo Dome with a couple other bands. That place was huge, it was so much fun. After that I could go home, and even though the tour was so awesome I had been waiting for the day that I could go home since the day I left."

"You have a very strong love for him."

"Yes, I do," Shuichi said, then sighed before continuing. "But he wasn't there. He was gone."

"Gone?"

"Yeah. The apartment was empty, other than my stuff. All his things were gone, too. He didn't leave a note... and his cell phone number had been disconnected."

"Did he leave anything behind? Anything that might symbolize something?"

"The only thing he left was his lighter," Shuichi replied. "It didn't work anymore, so I'm thinking he just left it because it was trash. But it had a picture of him and I on it. It's really worn out, just one of those stickers you get from the photo booth machines. But it was still there."

"Did you keep it?"

Shuichi paused. "Yes. I still have it."

It was quiet in the room for a few moments. Shuichi had never spoken this much about Yuki since he had left, so it felt strange for him. He had never told anyone about the lighter, either. He had kept it to himself.

"You haven't seen him since?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Not once. I think... I think I know someone who knows where he is. But they won't tell me."

"Why won't they tell you?"

"They think he and I both are better off without each other. Maybe they're right."

"That's not true," the doctor said. "You love him because he makes you happy, right?"

Shuichi turned to look at her.

"There is nothing wrong with being with someone you love, being with someone who makes you happy, no matter who they are, no matter what their gender is, no matter what their age is. No matter what, if you are happy, no one else can tell you that you can't be with them."

Shuichi rolled this over in his mind. This woman sounded a lot like Hiro, and the things he would say to him. For some reason, it sounded so official when the doctor said it. She was a professional when it came to these kinds of things, after all.

"For seven years you lived together," she continued. "That must mean that for seven years, you made him happy, too."

She hit the nail on the head. Seven years... It had felt so much shorter than that, but seven years wasn't very long at all. Only seven years... he had only made him happy for seven years.

Involuntarliy, a tear ran down Shuichi's cheek. He sat up, and began to cry even more. Tears ran down his cheeks thick and fast. His nose started to run. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Three years of sadness and loneliness were finally coming out.

"I don't want to feel this way," he said between sobs.

The doctor handed him a box of tissues. "It's okay to cry every once in a while," she said. "It's proof that you're human, that you're alive."

"Then I don't want to be human!" He didn't mean to shout, he didn't mean to yell at her. She was trying to help. But the feelings he was having hurt him so much.

"The only reason you can feel so sad, the only reason it hurts, is because it means that there was something that made you really happy before. It's proof that you had happiness, it's proof that it was all real. It's proof that you'll be able to find it again."

He wiped his face with a tissue as the tears began to slow, though the droplets had already wet his neck and the collar of his shirt.

"Seven years is not such a little amount of time that it can be forgotten easily," she said. "I'm sure that where ever he is right now, he thinks of you constantly. You're not someone he can easily forget."

Shuichi stopped crying and laid down again, his nose still slightly running. Both he and the doctor were quiet for several minutes, letting him calm down and mull things over in his brain.

"Professionally, I'm not supposed to ask this," the doctor said finally. "But I think it might help you out."

Shuichi turned his head towards her. "Hm?"

"Have you read any of Yuki Eiri's books?"

Shuichi hadn't been expecting that question. "No," he replied, a little bit embarrassed. Seven years and he hadn't even read a single one.

"I probably shouldn't say this, but I've read every one," the doctor said. "And to be honest, the ones he produced over the span of ten years ago to three years ago were by far his best novels. Of course, this is my opinion. But there are also the bestseller lists and tons of reviews to back it up."

Shuichi said nothing. He turned his head back to the ceiling. By far the best... was that really true?

The doctor stood up. She walked towards a bookshelf that stood next to the window, a shelf that Shuichi hadn't noticed before. She pulled a rather large hardcover book off the shelf and dusted it off, then walked over to the couch.

"This is the one that I think is the best," she said as she handed it to him, and he sat up as he took it. The cover was olive green, and the title was printed in gold lettering. Simple Pleasures. Shuichi remembered when this novel of Yuki's had been released. It had been on the top of the bestseller list for weeks, and even won some kind of award. Even he knew that.

"You don't have to read it if you don't want to," she said. "But I think if you do, you might find out some things about him through his writing style. You might even get some hints as to where he is."

He traced the name of the book with his fingers. He had written this. Yuki had written this. It was something that he had created, from hours and hours of effort, Yuki had created this. Like the crying that Shuichi had done, it was proof that he was alive. Proof that he left a mark on this world. Proof of his existence.

"Thank you, doctor," Shuichi said, a small smile forming on his face. "I'm going to read it."

The doctor smiled, and he knew that this one was definitely real. Maybe it had not been a mistake to come here after all. He made a mental note to himself to thank Hiro later. The doctor checked her watch.

"Our hour is almost up," she said, sitting back down in her chair. "Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"

Shuichi shook his head and stood. "No, I'm good. I actually feel a lot better," he said, and it was true. Despite the fact that he had opened old wounds, that he was thinking and talking openly and crying about the one man that hurt the most, he actually felt happy. Or rather, perhaps it wasn't happiness. Maybe that hadn't come yet. But it was definitely a feeling that was better than the one he had before.

The doctor stood up, and as if she had read his thoughts, she patted him on the back with a warm smile. "The night is darkest before the dawn," she said. "I'm sure you'll find what you're missing."

"Thank you," he said again. "Really... thanks."

"I'm glad I could help you out," she said. Together they walked out of her office and began the long venture down the hallways. "Let me know how you like the book. Do you want to make an appointment for next week?"

They reached the waiting room. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"Next Wednesday, same time?"

"Sure. I'll see you then."

"Good luck, Shuichi."

He walked across the waiting room towards the exit door and pulled it open. Read one of his books, huh? As embarrassing as it was, he had never thought of doing that. He probably should have. It was something he should have done ten years ago.

Shuichi reached the elevator and pushed L for Lobby. The euphoric feeling he had had in the office was wearing down, but it wasn't completely gone. He stepped out of the elevator, and soon he was out on the city sidewalk. He wasn't paying any attention to his surroundings, just thinking, remembering...

"You should watch where you're going."

Shuichi had bumped into something, but that voice... could it be? He spun around, but all he saw was a crowd of people. Impossible. It couldn't be him, he couldn't be here. It would be too much of a coincidence. He had just imagined his voice, after spending an hour thinking about him.

He was gone, after all.

--

"Doctor? Your next patient is here."

The doctor was typing away at her computer, setting the time and date for Shuichi Shindo's next appointment. With a click the window she had open was closed.

"Send him in," she told the nurse, who nodded. The nurse handed her a clipboard, and a tall, blond man who smelled of cigarette smoke entered the room from behind her, and sat down on the couch.

The doctor took the clipboard as the nurse left the room, flipping through the pages until she came across the name. She looked down at the clipboard, then up at the man, then down again in disbelief. As much as she wanted to say something, as much as she wanted to ask, she couldn't. She was a professional, after all.

"Good morning, Yuki, how are you doing today?"

--To Be Continued--

Next Chapter Preview: This was no small matter. This was unbelievable, unthinkable, inexplainable... and it dawned on him that this was the reason the doctor had given him this particular book. Not because it was her favorite, or because it had the highest reviews. Because of this. This. This. This. This. This.