Loss and Moving On

by Woemcat

This takes place the school year after the movie. Lizzie is a freshman at Hillridge High School. Rating M a strong M for graphic detail of character death! This is a POV piece.

1. Chapter 1

JO'S LOSS

A/N --- I am in the process of redoing Jo's Loss and Moving on After Loss and putting them into one story. The changes will be relatively minor, but there were some things I wasn't happy with. In addition, I plan on adding a POV piece from Matt's point of view and also Miranda's. Enjoy and please review! Thanks!

A/N 2--Jo's Loss. This is taken from Jo McGuire's point of view. This takes place the school year after the movie. Lizzie is a freshman at Hillridge High School. Rating M (a strong M for graphic detail of character death!)

CHAPTER ONE (WEDNESDAY)

Today, I found my daughter, dead from suicide. My precious daughter is gone! I'll never see her pretty smile anymore nor hear her beautiful singing voice. I didn't even know she could sing until I saw her on stage at the Colosseum in Rome last spring! She looked so confident and grown up, so different from the little girl I put on the plane two weeks prior. I keep asking myself why. Why did she do it? She left no note, and her best friends, Miranda and Gordo, were just as clueless...

I was fixing breakfast for the kids when Matt ran downstairs. He, as always, was a bundle of energy, bouncing off the walls. Sometimes I swear that kid has ADHD! Usually, Lizzie is not far behind, complaining about Matt coming into her room unannounced, but not today. I asked Matt to go get his sister, which he gladly obliged. Suddenly, I hear a scream, "MOM! LIZZIE'S STILL IN BED!" Exasperated, I abandon my cooking and go upstairs. "Lizzie, get a move on! You're gonna be late for school," I yell. I expect to hear some sort of response, but she didn't respond. I thought she must be sick, so I knock on her door. "Lizzie, are you okay? Lizzie? Lizzie, get up!" I walk over to her bed and shake her. "Lizzie, I said get up!" She didn't wake up. I stopped in my tracks and looked at her. She looked so pale and felt cold, so I pulled her covers back. There was my daughter, cold and still, covered in blood. "NOOOO! LIZZIE!" I scream. I collapse on to the bed and cry hysterically. "SAM! GET IN HERE!" I hear Sam mutter something, but I can't make it out, so I yell for him again. Sam rushes into the room and stops at the threshold of the door. "Our daughter, she's dead!" I yell to him. I am covered in her blood. I can't let go of her. She's my baby girl. Sam walks into the room and starts looking through the blankets and sheets. He pulls out two blood soaked razor blades. "Oh, my God," he whispers. I think he's in as much shock and disbelief and I am. "Sam, what do we do?" I ask.

We didn't even see Matt standing near the door in the room for the longest time. He saw everything! He saw his sister all bloody and cold. He saw his mother drenched as well, rocking her dead daughter. I think he will be scarred for life. We didn't see him until he screamed. We were in such shock that we couldn't help him! We couldn't help our baby boy! He was standing there with tears in his eyes, and we couldn't help him!

Sam rushed by Matt and called 9-1-1. Soon, the paramedics came and whisked my baby to the hospital, where she was pronounced DOA--Dead on Arrival. I'll never forget the moment the doctor told me my baby was dead. We were waiting in the family room. Sam and Matt were on either side of me. The doctor came in and said, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do for her. She's gone." I felt my knees go weak underneath me, and I fell to the floor. Sam and Matt had to catch me before I hit the ground. "MY BABY! MY BABY! NO!" I kept crying over and over again. Sam and Matt didn't say a thing. I guess they were in as much shock as I was. I felt like I was being ripped from the inside out.

It felt like an eternity before the medical examiner cleaned Lizzie up enough for us to view her body. He lifted the sheet from her face. She was white as that sheet. I stared in shock and disbelief; this COULDN'T be my Lizzie. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream, but it wasn't. I buried my face into Sam's chest and cried until I couldn't cry any more. All too quickly, it was time for us to leave. I didn't want to leave. Leaving meant my baby would never be going home with us. We would be going home as a family of three, not a family of four. I kissed the top of her head and Sam led me out of the room. We drove home in silence. What was there to say?

When we got home, the answering machine was blinking. Damn that machine! Our lives have come to a screeching halt and the machine still blinks! Most of the messages were the normal, annoying fare, telemarketers mostly, but two messages cut me deeply. The first was from Dr. James, my OBGYN. She called to tell me that the tests were positive; I'm pregnant. What sick and cruel joke is this? The same day I find my daughter dead, I find out I'm pregnant. What cruel irony. This should be an exciting message. I should be thrilled. Sam and I wanted another baby, but all I feel is heartache. Lizzie will never know this baby. She'll never know her baby brother or sister! How am I going to tell Sam? How am I going to tell Matt? The second message will haunt me for the rest of my life. It was Miranda and Gordo calling for Lizzie. I listen to it over and over again. "Hey Lizzie, we missed you in school! Are you sick? What's up? Call us at Miranda's. Maybe if you're feeling up to it, we can meet at the Digital Bean? Well, bye!" I sit on the barstool and stare at the machine, cursing it. Miranda and Gordo will never call for Lizzie again. I'm going to miss those kids. They'll go on with their lives, and Lizzie will be dead. DEAD!

Sam sees me crying at the machine and he puts his arm around my shoulders. I stare at the machine and then play the second one again. We realize that we need to call Miranda and Gordo's parents. Sam puts the phone on speaker phone and dials Miranda's number first. Miranda answers. I can hear Gordo saying something in the background. It took all the strength in the world not to cry at the sound of their voices. Sam asked to speak to Miranda's mother. Miranda asked if she could talk to Lizzie afterwards. Sam was such a rock; he didn't waver. He repeated his request, and Miranda put her mother on the phone. This is going to crush her best friends. I want to know if they know anything as to why Lizzie did this, but that will have to wait. Matt wanted to call his friends, so we let him use Lizzie's line. We let him talk as long as he felt he needed. Sam and I called the family and Lizzie's and Matt's schools. Tomorrow, we'll call the funeral home to make arrangements.