Brooke,
How are you? I hope the answer to that question is your doing
good...Okay, I know this opening sucks and I'm sorry. It's just that
I've never done this before. I've never sat and actually wanted to
write down my feelings. I guess what I am trying to say is that I'm
going crazy over here Brooke. I never thought I could miss someone
as much as I miss you. When you left I knew it was going to be hard
not seeing you everyday, not hearing you laugh, not being able to
just be around you, but I never thought it was going to be like
this. I thought the three months you would be gone would fly by and
you'd be back in no time, but these two months have been hell. Maybe
they wouldn't have been so bad if we had at least talked on the
phone. I went from talking to you everyday to not talking to you for
months. It's hard. Now I'm not trying to make you feel bad for not
calling me. I know you need this time to think. I dropped a pretty
huge bombshell on you before you left. I wouldn't expect anything
other than this, but knowing all that doesn't make it any easier. It
doesn't make me stop running to the phone every time it rings hoping
it's you. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have said anything to you
at all. I wasn't planning to that last day, but when I had you in my
arms I couldn't stop myself. I knew I wasn't going to see you for a
while and all the feelings I had for you rushed to the surface and I
went for it. I needed you to know how I felt before you left so I
kissed you. For those few seconds our lips touched I felt something
strong and at the time I wasn't sure what it was because I had never
felt it before, but I know what it was now. What I felt was
complete. I know it may sound corney, but that's what I felt. The
only thing I regret about what I did was that I didn't do it sooner.
I should have told you how I felt the day before when we were
talking in my room. To be honest I was going to. I needed to talk to
you about the stuff of Peyton's that you found. I couldn't leave it
with you thinking I wanted to be with her. I was going to explain
everything to you, but then you said you were relieved and I got
discouraged. You said you only wanted to be friends and I chickened
out. I wish now that I hadn't because then maybe we would have been
able to talk about everything. I know your scared Brooke, but I'm
scared too. I have never felt this way about anyone before. I'll be
honest and say that I thought I loved Peyton, but I know now that I
didn't. What I felt for her back then is nothing compared to what I
feel for you right now. I just wish it wouldn't have taken me this
long to realize what had always been staring me in the face. I
thought I had chosen the wrong person when I chose you, but in
actuality my subconscious had chosen right. I was just too stupid to
see that. I can never apologize to you enough for what I did to you.
I know I hurt you beyond belief and I will hate myself for it
forever. I made a mistake that I can never take back and that
mistake might now cost me everything, my future, my happiness, our
happiness. Because of what I did to you, you may never be able to
trust me again and that is also something I am going to have to live
with. Even after saying all that it doesn't change the fact that I
want to be with you. It doesn't change the fact that I do want you
to be able to trust me again. I know that there isn't any one thing
I can say or do to make that happen. It's something you have to do
in your own time. I can say that I would take everything back if I
could, but I'm not sure I would. I know that I wouldn't want you to
be as hurt as you were before, but everything that happened with us
then led me to where I am now. It made me realize that I was so
stupid for what I did. It also made me realize that even if I didn't
know or see it then, I was really only happy when I was with you. I
don't remember ever smiling and laughing the way I did when I was
with you after we broke up. If us going through all that pain back
then led us to where we were sure we're it for each other, doesn't
it make it worth it? It was for me. Even if you can never find it in
your heart to trust me again I am still going to be grateful to you
for helping me realize what love is. I am not going to put you on
the spot again and ask you to be with me, even if that's what I want
more than anything. I am willing to be friends if that is what you
want. I can't not have you in my life Brooke. I don't think I could
take that, not again. You mean too much to me. I am willing to take
what I can get if it insures you in my life. I should let you go
now. I wasn't planning on this letter being this long. I guess I
just had a lot to say to you. I don't want you to get this letter
and think that you have to contact me. I want you to take this time
for yourself. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about
you. I love you Brooke. If you never believe a thing I say, please
just believe that. I do love you Brooke and I'll never stop. I just
wish I had realized it sooner, then maybe we could both be happy. I
can't wait to see you again. One more month. Tree Hill isn't Tree
Hill without Brooke Davis.
Love,
Lucas
P.S. You once told me that people that are meant to be together
always find their way in the end. Please tell me you still believe
that.
Well there you go. There is my Brucas submission. This is the first challenge I've done and I'm pretty happy with it. I'm sorry if its hard to read I wanted to separate it into paragraphs, but I couldn't find the right places to cut in. I wanted to thank Jess and Mal for their help in making sure the end quote was accurate. Please let me know what you think. Thanks.