Lost II

By: Eressie

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Summary: Arthur sits by Merlin's side. He will not leave Merlin to fight this battle alone. (Arthur's POV) (This fanfic is a continuation of a sort to my other fanfic; Lost. Please read that one first.)

Disclaimer: Don't own Merlin, of course.

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Six days. For six days you have been away from me. Not in body, but in mind.

I sit by your bedside like I have for the last couple of days. Keeping close. I can see you, I can touch you… but still, you are not here.

You look so pale, almost the same colour as your bed sheets. And you look so…tiny, and fragile. I wish there was something I could do for you. But all I can do is wait. It is so frustrating!

I have to watch from a distance how you struggle alone. Fighting for your life every day and night, with every minute that goes by.

I have never felt so helpless before. I should be able to do something! I should be able to help my best friend and brother. But I can't…

I can only watch as you slowly slips away from me, falling ever so little for every minute that passes. And I am trying to hold on to you.

I am holding your hand in mine; trying to keep you with me. Such contrast between our hands. My skin is tanned and yours is near white… my rough hand of a knight looks huge compared to yours bony one.

God, why can you not just wake up?

Please?

Smile that goofy smile of yours and call me a prat! I won't mind, I promise.
I am not loving that nickname you have given me, but… still, I wish you did call me that right now. It would be normal. It would be you.

This… this, is not you. You look so ill… you look troubled and grey and small. My Merlin should laugh, be silly and colourful. You look like you are fading away…

And you look so… emaciated. I wish I could hold you and fight this sickness away from you.

God, I feel so useless.

I am trying to be strong for you now that you are so weak. I must somehow be strong for both of us. I only hope that I can.

Gaius comes in, I barely notice. He examines you carefully and I follow his movements.
His hand rests on your clammy forehead but you show no reaction from his touch. He takes your pulse and he sighs. Not a good sign.

I feel nauseous and I am expecting the old man to say that this is it. You will be no more.

But I try to think positive and I look at him in anticipation as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. He smile at me, not the nice and happy smile though. No, it is sad and he is only doing it to try to make me feel better. No change he says and his voice sounds just as tired as he looks.

I don't smile back.

But…at least it's not worse… oh God, it could get worse. So much worse.

Gaius leaves us.

I stay.

I always stay.

The kingdom of Camelot has to wait. I am not leaving my brother here to fight alone.

My attention is directed to you again as I hear you whimper and shake your head. What is it that you see that makes you so afraid and restless?
Gaius told me once that you are dreaming. It cannot be pleasant dreams.

"Please… don't." you mumble, you voice is frail.

And my heart breaks.

I lean in closer to you and I put my hand on your head; trying to calm you down. Can you feel me here with you? I am trying, my friend! Please, you are not alone.

"Merlin." I am attempting to make my voice as steady as possible. I keep my hand on your head, caressing your forehead with my thumb.

You are sweaty and your hair is dirty, but I could not care less.

"Arthur…"

You say my name and I feel my throat hurt and my eyes start to sting. "It's all right, Merlin."

You are shaking your head again. Breathing heavily and unevenly. "No… no…."

My vision is blurry and I try to blink my eyes clean. I feel the tears as they fall down my face, but I do not care.

I am not ashamed of my tears. Not if they fall for you.

"Wake up, please…" my voice is shaking and I try to clear my throat. "Merlin," I am struggling to sound strong, "wake up."

It sounds like I am ordering you. And maybe I am. I am king after all. And I need you to wake up! I do not want to see you like this anymore!

You moan. "…can't."

I close my eyes and lift both of our hands and I press them to my forehead. "Yes, you can, Merlin." I am crying now... "I know you can!"

You ignore me.

Maybe you never heard me in the first place.

Was it someone else you were talking to? Well… it does not matter. It is nice to hear your voice, my friend. Although I wish it did not sound so tormented…

Shaking my head, I try to find my voice again.

"Please, clotpole." I say and look at your pale face again. And I am half expecting you to wake up and defend yourself.

But you do not. You lay still as death yet again and you say no more.

Your breathing is irregular and it comes in short gasps. It scares me. Every breath you take could be your last. As you exhale, I am desperately waiting for you to inhale. It terrifies me that you might not be strong enough to manage another breath.

What should I do if your lungs give up? What should I do if your heart stills in your chest? No. Just no! Don't think about it!

I do not want to lose you. I cannot and will not lose you!

Without you, I am nothing.

You would laugh if you heard me say that… I miss your laughter.

I forget sometimes the man I was before you arrived in Camelot. But you do not let me forget though… calling me prat every now and again. Reminding me. You changed me to the better, my friend. You make me a better person.

You make me happier than anyone else could, well…you and Gwen. And you make me strong and brave. But I cannot help to feel afraid as well. I am scared to lose you. I wish I dared to tell you that sometime; how much you mean to me.

I never have. And… perhaps now, I never will get the chance.

I wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Can you hear my voice, Merlin?" silence answers. "I hope you can… focus on me, my friend. Follow my voice."

You sigh and I am looking at you in anticipation. But you do not wake up. You look more peaceful now though than you have done for the last couple of days.

Did you hear me then, Merlin? Do you know I am here; fighting by your side?

It is getting dark outside now. But I promise I will not leave. As long as you sleep and walk in troubled dreams, I shall walk beside you.

Life does not exist outside these walls right now. Nothing else matters but you.

I do not know where you are there in your fever dreams. Perhaps you do not know either? Maybe you are feeling lost, I do not know. I wish I could find you and take you back to us.

I hope you will wake soon. Because without you, I am lost too.

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End

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Please review! It means the world to me! :D

After Lost, someone asked if I could write a story from Arthur's point of view. And that made me happy because I had already written this then!

Thank you for reading!

/Eressie