A/N: I hadn't planned on writing this, but here it is. I know a lot of us are flailing at Lisbon seemingly returning Pike's feelings. But I think she isn't being very honest with herself, or with Pike. Here's why:
Episode Tag: Forest Green, 6x18
Liar.
Said the voice in her head that sounded suspiciously like Patrick Jane's.
The truth was, she didn't feel the same as Marcus. She liked Marcus. A lot. He made her smile, was good in bed. Treated her like a queen (except with the granola bar breakfast, but that sort of thing could be fixed). He didn't lie.
But she had.
Because he was who she was supposed to love.
He was who she deserved.
Even Jane had given his blessing—sort of. He'd said she deserved a good man, and that was undeniably who Marcus was. A good man. But he wasn't Patrick Jane.
Jane, however, had done nothing to stop her from going down this road with Marcus. He'd sat (or lain) on his couch and watched the world go by and had done nothing. And so she was left with suppressing her true feelings, of denying her true love because she couldn't pass up a guy like Marcus Pike. Men like him didn't come along every day.
She'd be a fool to let him go.
And so she'd lied.
Jane would have seen it the second before she'd even opened her mouth.
He would have called her on it.
But Marcus was so immersed in his own feelings, so emotionally torn about his new job offer, that he took what she'd said at face value. She supposed you'd have to be a good liar to know when someone else was lying.
Jane had rubbed off on her, and maybe not in the best of ways.
But as long as Jane sat on his couch, both literally and figuratively, she didn't know what else she should do. She'd waited over a decade for this man. Pined for him. Cried for him. Hurt for him. Been hurt by him. And she'd kept coming back like a kicked puppy, because her love for Patrick Jane was unconditional and unhealthy and probably not in her best interest at all.
But it was the truth.
She'd give him one more chance to say something. She'd tell him about Marcus's offer, and maybe that would wake Jane up to the fact that she was sorely tempted to grab onto happiness with both hands. He wouldn't have Teresa Lisbon to kick around anymore. God had sent her Marcus, and she wasn't going to turn her back on His blessings.
Hell, she could still have children if she wanted them. Marcus had told her he wanted a family.
If Jane didn't say anything, she would follow Marcus to Washington and leave Jane behind to wallow in his self-imposed, martyr-induced loneliness.
Damn.
Even the thought of that made her ache inside, made her want to curl up into a ball and weep.
The truth was, she couldn't imagine herself leaving Jane. Loving him was too ingrained in her being. But they were in a weird, symbiotic kind of limbo. She couldn't live like that anymore. She needed to think about her own happiness for a change. Jane was going to be all right. He'd accomplished his goal of killing Red John. He'd escaped a murder rap (again). He'd gotten everything on his list of terms. He seemed emotionally pretty stable these days. She didn't have to worry about him so much anymore.
But she still did. Old habits.
Whether he admitted it or not, she knew he had feelings for her. She had been at the top of his list in his demands of the FBI. If she left him, would he revert back to his bouts of deep depression? Worse yet, would he follow her to Washington?
That thought alone was enough to make her pause.
She shook her head to herself. No. She had to stop thinking of her life in terms of his.
Unless he stopped me, said that voice again.
If Jane put his foot down, said she couldn't leave with Marcus because Jane was in love with her, would she willingly stay with him? Or would she shoot herself in the foot and rebel, tell him it was too late?
What if he…kissed her?
Tried to seduce her into staying with him?
Could she resist?
Would she want to?
She flushed hotly just thinking about it (as she did every time she allowed herself to imagine it).
Would she let Jane coerce her into a relationship that wasn't in her best interest?
She wondered if love was more important than security and honesty. If being content was better than passion and exhilaration. If a good man was better than an unpredictable man.
That was the rub, wasn't it?
But the subject was moot if Jane remained mute.
She would just have to find out.
So until she did, she would lie a little bit, let Marcus believe she felt as much as he did. And if Jane said nothing, or rejected her, or pushed her closer to Marcus, well, that would be that.
She would let him go.
At least, that's what she told herself.
Liar.
A/N: This was a very entertaining and well-written episode. I hope they keep them coming! Can't wait until next week, when Jane coerces Lisbon into telling him what's bugging her. At least, that's what I hope will happen. Thanks for reading! I'm working on the conclusion to "The Three R's", and I updated mine and waterbaby's fic "Eyes Like the Sea." Hope you check them out!