Disclaimer: Do I own Artemis Fowl? That is the question none of us must ask ourselves unless we are Mr. Eoin Colfer. (No I don't own it.)
Artemis groaned and rolled over. He hit his alarm clock that was playing a very annoying popular song by some American artist. The credit, of course, went to Juliet Butler. It was about to play the second verse when Artemis smashed the button.
"Contrary to Juliet's prediction, that song will never stop being annoying." The Irish teen muttered to himself. He looked at the clock to see what time it was. He didn't need to since he remembered what time he had set the alarm for, but sometimes little brothers and doting mothers meddled with one's alarm clock. "Ten thirty!" Artemis yelped. One of his family members had obviously altered his alarm settings.
The teenager jumped out of bed as fast as he could and dashed to his closet. He pulled on his clothes, which included a tie and blazer, and combed through his messy raven colored hair. He brushed his teeth with the speed of an Olympic Tooth Brusher (there is no such sport) and slipped on his loafers.
This young genius never forgot anything, having a near photographic memory, but today he knew there was something important happening that he could not remember. Perhaps it had something to do with the new body. He shuddered at the thought. It was like having amnesia that filled itself in very slowly. Foaly had done a great job on him, even if the body did have six toes on one foot.
When Artemis got to the foot of the stairs he smelled something sweet. He wondered what it could be and headed to the kitchen to get breakfast and figure out what the scent was. Artemis pushed the door open and saw Juliet taking something out of the oven. She spotted him and immediately stuffed it back in and smiled sweetly at Artemis.
"Good morning, Arty! What devious plans do you have for today?"
"Breakfast is the first." Artemis grunted, trying to see what was in the oven.
"Right! Mr. and Mrs. Fowl and the twins are already done but there are some left over bacon and eggs in the dining room. Feel free to help yourself!" Juliet smiled.
Artemis looked at the oven one more time and cocked an eyebrow, but went to the dining room.
When Artemis had finished breakfast he went to find the rest of his family. He crashed into Butler in the hall. The large man spilled a couple of brightly colored objects from the box he was carrying but caught them with one of his feet. Butler quickly put it back in the box before Artemis could get a good look at it.
"Morning, Artemis." He smiled.
"Butler, what is Juliet baking?" Artemis inquired.
"There is a charity event at the community center and Mrs. Fowl asked her to bake something for it." Butler said quickly.
Artemis had read too many psychology books to not know that his body guard was lying. Artemis knew Butler would never "spill the beans" so the young genius went along with it.
"Of course! What, if I may ask, is in the box?" Artemis smiled.
"Oh this? Some old clothing for the – err—for that one organization that takes old clothes." Butler scowled at his own lie but tried to keep up the charade.
"Do you mean Salvation Army? Or perhaps another charity?" Artemis smirked.
"Yes! Salvation Army! Your mother is a big fan of donating clothes to the, uh..." Butler paused, thinking, "Army?"
"It sells some of the clothing and then gives the rest to people in need. Most of their profits go to helping others as well." Artemis explained.
Butler nodded, hoisted the box even more out of Artemis view and shuffled down the hall as quickly as possible.
Artemis scratched his chin thoughtfully. He may not remember everything, but he knew Butler did not normally act like that. Intriguing.
Artemis wondered outside in search of his family and found himself in the garden. Most of the plants were still alive since it was only the beginning of autumn but some needed to be tended before they disappeared for winter. Angeline Fowl was doing just that, or so Artemis thought.
"Mother?" Artemis called so as not to startle his mother.
"Oh! Arty!" Angeline's hand quickly pushed something with brightly colored paper on it under a plant.
"I would have been down earlier but someone reset my alarm, could it have been you?" Artemis asked seriously.
"Alarm clock? Oh yes! I thought you would like to sleep in, considering what day…" She stopped herself and smiled, "Why don't you go play with the boys? Or better yet, go help your father with his – err – work."
"Of course Mother." Artemis smiled at his mother and went to find a calendar, knowing his mother had given him an important clue as to what was going on.
When he got inside he spotted Myles and Beckett running from his study, pieces of paper trailing behind them. Artemis groaned and started running after them. When he realized they had disappeared into one of their numerous hiding spots he gave up and went to his study to look at a calendar.
In the study Artemis found that his calendar and planner had mysteriously disappeared. He looked at the papers he had found in the hall. They were pages from his calendar. Artemis recognized the pictures of different species of insects that had decorated his calendar.
"Hmm…" Artemis thought for a moment about what all these clues could mean. Juliet was baking a cake. Butler was carrying some bright decorations. His mother was hiding things in the garden. Myles and Beckett had stolen his calendar so he couldn't figure out what day it was. "Let's see what Father has to say about all of this."
Artemis Jr. found Artemis Sr. in the conference room, hanging something from the light.
"Let me help with that, Father." Artemis called.
Artemis Sr. was startled and the ladder beneath his feet teetered and the light fixture swung. "Arty! What are you doing in here?"
"Mother told me to come and help you with your work." Artemis said catching a glimpse of streamers.
Artemis Sr. stuffed the streamers in his pocket and smiled. "Oh, I don't need any help, son. Why don't you, um, go and, uh…" He thought of places for his son to go that would seem logical, "Your room!"
"Excuse me?" Artemis asked, surprised at this order.
"Yes! Go to your room until, oh when was it? Three o'clock! You are not being punished, son, we, uh, I have a lot to do and I know that you have lots of projects to keep you busy up there. Work on that cure for the common cold or whatever you were doing last week." Artemis Sr. ordered.
"If you say so Father." And with one last look at the lighting fixture Artemis Jr. left to go to his room.