Why did he look at me like that? Why? I swear Nick is the most infuriating man I have ever met!
"Jess? Are you ok?"
His voice brings me back. Oh yah we're still on the roof. Schmidt and Elizabeth have gone back down to the loft to have what Schmidt referred to as "a mind-blowing sextravaganza." Winston called Daisy over and they have retreated back to his room, as well. It's just me and Nick up here now.
"Yes", I say to him. "Thank you for the breakfast. That was really sweet."
"I was going to give it to you this morning but you're dad showed up", Nick says with a sad tone in his voice. I don't like it.
And then there's that look. That look his gives when he is trying to decide what to say. The feeling I get in my stomach when he looks at me like that scares me. It scares me because it pains my heart to think that I could possibly be doing that to him. Making him feel unsure, scared, or hurt.
"Nick, do you want to talk about last night?"
"I don't know Jess your dad's right, I'm not good enough for you."
"Why does everyone think they know what I need? This is so frustrating!"
We sit quietly. Trying not to look at each other but I catch him peeking at me from under his eyelashes. I know my dad is right in a sense. Nick is a lazy, cable stealing slob but he's my lazy cable stealing slob and ….I need him.
Wow I need him. Have I always known that?
"Nick", I say softly. I scoot over to him and grab his hand, surprised when he doesn't try to pull away. "I know this is scary but, I want to see where this goes. Where we go."
"This all happened so fast Jess. You're my best friend and I don't want to screw up what I have with you. You are too important to me."
"Nick, do you remember at your dad's funeral when I said that I had your back?" "Yes", he says looking down at his feet.
"Well I meant it, I will forever, even if this, us, doesn't work out."
The thought of us not working out makes my chest tighten. I feel like I might be sick.
"Jess, you're shaking, here."
He wraps his dark blue sweater around me and pulls me in close to his chest. I rest my head there taking in his scent. Why have I never really noticed how good he smells? I could stay right here forever and be perfectly happy. But would he? I want him to be happy with me.
**The Next Morning**
Wait I'm in my bed. What happened? No, I did not dose off while we were talking! Did Nick bring me here?
I walk out into the hallway and I can hear Schmidt, Elizabeth, Winston and Daisy laughing in the kitchen. Maybe this is my chance. I hope they didn't hear me leave me room. I stand at his door trying to decide if I should quietly knock or just walk in. Suddenly, I hear Schmidt walking my way and the next thing I know I'm in Nick's room. I turn around and there he is, sleeping in his bed, curled up with his pillow.
Was it really only 2 night ago that I was in here with him?
I wonder if he always looks so childlike when he's asleep. I stand there, staring at him, wondering how I got so lucky. I can feel our connection, the strange pull in my heart that I need to be next to him. I move slowly to not wake him, and as easy as I can I lay next to him. Studying his face, I can see every line, I can feel his warmth. I place my hand on his chest just to feel his heartbeat. He begins to stir when I remove my hand. I stay perfectly still, then his eyes are looking back at mine.
"JESS! What are you doing in here?!"
"Hi" is all I can get out.
"Hi" he says back a little groggy.
"Sorry for waking you but, I wanted to see you."
"Why? To scare me half to death?"
Nervously I say, "No, umm I don't know why. I woke up in my bed and didn't remember falling asleep last night."
"Yah you fell asleep on the roof and I put you in your bed before anyone else got up."
"Oh" is all I can think to say. He could have brought me to bed with him.
"So we didn't get a chance to finish talking" he says to me with a big yawn.
"I was wondering about that but, I don't think we should talk about it. The other night, when you grabbed me from the elevator you told me not to think. I don't want to think about this. Love should be simple."
OH NO! Did I really just say love?
"Love..Jess I…" I cut him off before he can continue "Oh crap today is Cece's wedding! I need to start getting ready and call her."
Before he can say anything I am quietly out in the hallway. I got down to the kitchen, made some breakfast for myself and go back to my room. I need to be alone right now.
As soon as I am dressed I head to Cece's house without saying goodbye to anyone.
While I'm driving all I can see is face. His sweet face before I woke him up and ruined everything. Why did I say love? Am I crazy there is no way Nick could ever love me?
Could there?