Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Rated T, to be safe.
A/N: 7th installment in a series of character pieces, out of a planned 12 (the original 12 members of New Directions). Sorry this took so long guys! :(
But it's here now :), written in second person like all the rest.
I really hope you enjoy my attempt at delving into the mind of Tina Cohen-Chang!
And Happy New Year! (Can't believe this is my last fic of 2010 ...)
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You wouldn't call yourself shy, exactly.
It's different; it's less than that, and it's more than that.
You wouldn't call yourself shy, because you're sick of labels; because you're not just one thing. You're a person, with layers and complexity. You refuse to define yourself, or others, because you hate when people who have never spoken to you or taken the time to get to know you do it; because you hate passing people in the hallway, feeling them look you up and down, and knowing that they're judging you. On what you look like, and your ethnicity, and that fact that, yes, you're quiet, and yes, you used to stutter. You don't pretend to know anything about a person based on the clothes they wear, and the marks they get, and the groups they're in, and how they act in school … because no one knows anything about you from the clothes you wear, or the marks you get, or the groups you're in, or how you act in school.
Because there's so much about you they can never know from all of that.
You've dealt with labels your whole life.
You know firsthand how much they suck beyond belief. They're just stupid words used to divide people into categories based on assumed similarities.
Just because you're Asian doesn't mean you like white rice and sushi and chicken feet in salad. It doesn't mean that you're good in math or science or that your parents only want you to be a lawyer or a doctor. (They're surprisingly cool about the fact that you want to break into showbiz, actually. It's nice to have the support; though sometimes they do crack down on you about glee club if they think it's affecting your studies, because you need a back-up plan, Tina Marie Cohen-Chang; talent doesn't mean a thing anymore if you're not precisely what they're looking for.)
Just because you're into singing and want to be on Broadway doesn't mean you get along with Rachel Berry; it doesn't mean you two will ever be bosom friends just because of some shared dream.
Just because you wear dark and/or eccentric clothing doesn't mean you're a vampire (which don't even really exist, Principal Figgins, thank you very much). It doesn't mean that you listen to 'emo' music (not that anyone has any idea what it really means to be emo, thanks to false stereotypes), or that you slit your wrists. You're a pretty happy person, as far as people go, and you don't want to kill yourself. And it doesn't mean you're 'Goth', either. It means you're artistic, and creative.
Just because you like having colored streaks in your hair doesn't mean that you're some rebellious teenager who does it to get back at controlling parents. Again: artistic, and creative. And sue you if you just think that the streaks are pretty cool (no matter what Kurt says about them having gone out far too long ago for them to still be acceptable).
You're not a pushover; not really.
You stick up for yourself when you feel like people close to you aren't treating you fairly. You have your own opinions, and you stick to them, no matter what anyone says. You aren't afraid to admit that you have some N'SYNC songs on your iPod that you still listen to, or that they're right alongside Eric Clapton and Styx. When Artie was being an asshole (the first time around, circa Madonna week), you went all righteous blade of equality on his ass because he deserved it and you refused to be objectified. And you got out of that relationship when he decided that Halo was more important than you.
It's different in the hallways, though.
Glee club is safe, relatively; or as safe as it can be with Puck and Santana around … but when you're walking through the hallways, there's more danger than just being judged by your meat-headed and ignorant peers. It's a slushie throwing free-for-all just because you're in some club; and (circa Gaga Week) when you were trying to find a new identity, Karofksy and Azimio made it pretty clear that they weren't going to hesitate with the hard knocks just because you're a girl. (It might be the first time your strong, proud, feminist self wished that your gender made a difference in the way you're treated.)
There's more at stake than your reputation or the way people see you.
So even if sometimes it feels like you're compromising yourself, you keep your head down in the hallways. For safety reasons; and also because part of you is still that (for lack of a better word) shy-ish girl who faked a stutter for years because of an oral presentation, and who still doesn't like to stand out too much in a crowd.
You don't call yourself shy, because it's not a good description. What you are is so much more than that, and so much less.
But that thing, whatever it is, is always there.
And it defines you to the people around you, as much as you despise the fact that it does; as much as you wish they wouldn't treat you like an open book, when you're way more closed up and hidden than anyone has ever given you credit for.
You wish they'd just see that you're you.
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Pretty please, with a cherry on top, review!