This is an evil compilation of certain series of events in Assasin's Creed II, parodied like no one's business. I forgot some of the names so...forgive me.

Ezio had an older bro whom he was really close with. He had some girlfriend called Cristina (whom he sleeps with on a regular basis...) and a younger brother who's sickly and collects feathers. Why? I dunno. He died before we could find out.
He has a sister, Claudia, and his mother.
His family are against this other family called the...Viali? Or something. So one day Ezio comes home only to discover that his brothers and father have been thrown into prison under the charge of treason. No doubt a conspiracy by the Vrali or whatever.
So, being the little monkey that Ezio is, he climbs up the jailtower to his father's cell, and the dad tells him to use his 'special talent' to find a secret door in his office, and find a chest. Within the chest holds a bunch of documents to pass to this family friend.

So lalala, Ezio goes and uses his Eagle Vision (which every assasin seems to have) and finds the door. The chest contains a White Assasin's Cloak, a Common Sword, and a bunch of documents. Ezio, being the vain guy, puts on the cloak (not understanding that it's, after all, an ASSASIN'S cloak.) and delivers the papers to the offical/family friend.
Offical: DOn't worry, Ezio. I'll get your father out of there in no time.

Next day.

Official: Today we find the Auditores guilty of treason. They get hanged. Bye bye Giovanni Auditore. Been nice knowing you. Have you any defence?

Gio (Ezio's dad): WTF? It's a conspiracy! And my DEFENCE is the EVIDENCE that i gave to you YESTERDAY YOu TOOT.

Official: Really? I know no evidence of which thou speaketh.

Gio: Oh EFF YOU. Vengence be upon you! You will DIE--gack.
(hangman's trapdoor opens, down with the Father and his Two Sons. Yes. Even the sickly young one who likes feathers. )

Ezio: NOOOOOO!!! FATHERR!!!!

Official; GYAHAHAHAHA. I mean, uh, GUARDS! GET HIM!

Ezio: No worries! (three hulking guards in big armour show up) Oh shite. Uh, GIMME THE BEST YA GOT, BASTARDO!

(Big guard #1 swings huge sword. Ezio's sword breaks in half)

Ezio: ...damn that father of mine. Couldn't he even get a decent sword...

Father's friend, who is a good guy: You better run, Ezio.

Ezio: Good idea. Why didn't I think of that. (runs like heck back home)

So Ezio discovers his mother and sister are still alive, at his servant's house. The servant lives in a brothel. Huh.
So the mother is scarred for life, although there's implication that she was beaten up/raped. Not sure. THe mother wouldn't say a word anymore, cuz she can't deal with the fact that her darling youngest son is dead.
...of course, she doesn't care that GIovanni's dead, funnily enough, even though they had quite a romance story.

Anyway, Ezio and his two lady relatives run to their uncle in Montessori or something. So the uncle says, "So Ezio my dear nipote. What are you gonna do now that my brother is dead, your mother's a walkin' vegetable and our enemies are going to kill you?"
Ezio: I"m gonna run to ...some far away country in Europe with my mom and sis.
Uncle: But but but your dad would want you to follow in his footsteps?
Ezio: YOu mean my dad wants me dead? Oh wait, not that bit huh. You mean, he would want me to be a banker?
Uncle: no you idiota. I mean...wait, he didn't TELL YOU?
Ezio: He told me about the birds and the bees like DUH. Otherwise how did I establish myself as Florence's most sexy womanizer?

So, as Uncle Mario and Ezio are sparring, Mario explains about how his dad is ...was, an assasin, and about the whole Assasins hate Templars and how the Templars try to kill the Assasins and stuff.
So Ezio goes like, "No way. My daddy was a...a...an...ASS..ASSA...ASSASIN?!"
Mario: "Asses don't become Assasins. But yeah, he was an assasin."
Ezio: (after a day or so) I MUST AVENGE MY DADDY AND BECOME AN ASSASIN!
Mario: Good boy, nipote.