That familiar feeling overwhelmed her before she took that first step back on to the bus. She couldn't nail it down exactly but anxiousness was definitely prevalent. Simmons had to remind herself to breathe to keep from going into a full-fledged panic attack.

So many times she imagined herself coming back to the bus. All different scenarios with every variable put into play. Jemma knew that one of them had to be right.

There were the best scenarios that she could hope for and then there were the worst. Familiarizing herself with every possible outcome was the best way she could think of to mentally prepare herself for life back on the bus…or to separate herself from life on the bus if it turns out she was not welcome at all.

At best, she would return a hero to the welcoming arms of her team and director. Things would pick up where they left off like almost no time had passed. Jemma would get to know the new team members and the lab facilities in due time but first she would come back to Fitz's waiting embrace. She would tell him how much she missed him. She would tell him that even though she would like to tell him that it was not her choice to leave, that would've been a lie. Jemma had felt completely too helpful beside Fitz. A crutch for him. And yet brewing underneath the surface for her, this unsettled rage remained. She wanted to strike a blow against those who hurt them. So she agreed to go. Be a mole for Hydra. Cripple them. Make them pay…and then come home.

And Fitz would forgive her. He would acknowledge that he was getting better. Fitz would tell her that he missed her.

Then he would kiss her because no matter how she left things between them before, he never stopped loving her. Jemma would let him because his absence in her life these past few months made her realize that he was more than a friend to her. And they could never go back…nor would they choose to.

That would be the best scenario.

But Jemma was a scientist. Too many factors could alter this experience into one with less desirable results. She had imagined them all but focused on only the two extremes.

At worst, she would be completely alienated from everyone on the bus. Completely misunderstood about why she left to fraternize with the enemy. She would feel every stare on her. Jemma would know they would all be talking about her before she walked into the room and suddenly hear their chattering silenced. She would be able to endure it if Fitz would be more welcoming. But he isn't.

Fitz doesn't forgive her for leaving. He shuts her out, seeing it as complete and utter rejection for his earlier confession. Jemma begs him to understand, that she did it all for him. All the sacrifices she made, were all for him. But he tells her that it's all over now and he's different. He leaves her to cry in their place, their old lab, alone.

Jemma would stay only for a few more days before addressing Coulson with a request to be transferred to one of Stark's labs. Any one of them would be fine. The further away, the better in fact.

So there Jemma stood. Just outside the bus. One more step will get you home, she thought. Let them understand. Please, let him understand why I left, she prayed one last prayer to an absent deity.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. After all, it couldn't be any worse than she imagined it.

Could it?