Title: If this time should come to pass
A/N: My first T70S fic, and the first fic for a while in any fandom. This piece is somewhat angsty, which goes against my usual style of writing, and I'd very much appreciate hearing what people think.
Some of the characters may be a little different (that is to say, OOC) than what we are used to, but I figure, they would all grow up and mature a little. Also, I'm not so great at writing comedy. I welcome all comments, including criticism (as long as it's constructive), though pointless flames will be ignored.
Oh, and I'd also like to add, I am aware that some of the song/band references and occasional details are slightly out of time – call it artistic lisence I guess.
Pairings: J/H, D/E
Summary: Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death.
After the bang, the collective whimper drew them slowly, inexorably back together. From the far reaches of their new existence they came, slaves to an unspoken calling. With their childhoods lying in tattered ruins at their feet, they each stood, and unable to reconnect the pieces one their own, they took a step forward towards the past, and headed, gravity drawn, towards each other.
December 8th, 1980
In a Madison college dorm in the pre-dawn dark, the shrill sound of the telephone awoke Donna from much-needed slumber before an early class. When she picked up and recognised Eric's voice she almost berated him, because he knew her schedule, and usually only forgot it when he had been drinking. Then she heard the hitch in his voice, and the blunt request for her to turn on the TV, and she moved to flick the switch at once. And watching the tickertape run along the bottom of the shaky images that streamed unendlessly past her eyes, her heart sunk to her toes and rebelled to her throat simultaneously. And then, silently, they sat, far too many miles apart.
In the warmth of a bedroom on the outskirts of Point Place, a cool hand slipped beneath the layered blanket covers, waking a sleeping brunette whose eyes fluttered open with confusion. Staring at the expression on Hyde's face, Jackie sat up, her heart quickening in her chest. At his words, she faltered, simply watching as he sat listlessly down on the mattress next to her. Winding her body around his, she pulled him gently down to the pillows, tears trickling down her cheeks as he lay stoically, only moving to press gentle kisses against her fluttering eyelashes as she murmured nonsense words of comfort that did nothing to stifle their pain.
A foreign born man sat, dialling and redialling the phone, meeting only busy signals and answering machines. Nervously alternating between popping M&Ms in his mouth and cursing in his native tongue, Fez paced as the radio blared behind him, the news running over and over again. It assaulted his ears and made his head ache with knowledge. Eventually he grabbed his coat, unable to stand it any longer, and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.
Lastly, in Chicago, a policeman had just finished a shift and entered the locker room to find his co-workers sitting crowded around the television. No one addressed Kelso when he entered, which was unusual to start with, as the night shift was usually rambunctious and friendly, but it was the stiff, stifling silence that lay over the room that made the hair on the back of his neck stand straight up. When he asked what was going on, he never expected the answer he received.
" Someone just killed John Lennon."
It seemed like forever ago since they had all been in Point Place together. In fact, it had been less than a year, but considering all the time they had spent together before that point, their separation had seemed like a lifetime.
Eric had been living at home since his return from teaching in the valleys of Kenya, and now spent his time shadowing some of his former teachers at the high school and waiting for the Fall, when his classes would begin in Madison. It had been driving him crazy being there with so many of his friends missing, and many of the others suddenly busy with their own ongoing lives. His mother fawned over him, becoming part of the reason that he drove up to Madison every other weekend to see Donna, and preserve some of his sanity.
Donna had been working hard at her classes, though she was so enjoying the variety of knowledge on offer that she had yet to decide her major. She had started DJing on the college radio station, and so far, "Hot Rocks with Hot Donna" had a steady and dedicated following and was known for playing the coolest and most up-and-coming tunes. She liked college (although her roommate Amber was a little too peppy for her to truly get on with – she had a music taste like Jackie at age 16 and maturity level to match), and she liked meeting new people at Madison, but somehow it wasn't quite the same as being around her old friends.
Eric was waiting in the driveway when he saw Donna's car pull in at her house. She barely turned off the ignition before forcing open the car door and stumbling over to him, sighing against his neck and thankful of his waiting embrace.
" I can't believe it," she whispered, echoing one of the few things they had managed to say whilst on the phone the night before. Pulling back from him slightly, she studied his face, which was pale, despite the lingering Sub-Saharan tan that brushed his skin. " How are you doing?"
At her words, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. " I'm just glad you're here," was all he said, winding their fingers together. Leaning in, he cupped her cheek and kissed her briefly, before leaning his forehead against hers. Noting how she shivered in the December breeze, he reached back and slid open the kitchen door before cocking his head to indicate she should follow him inside.
Kitty was standing at the stove, stirring something in the saucepan. She looked up when she heard the screen door open, and Donna was almost surprised to note the sympathy in her face. " How are you doing sweetie?" she asked, pulling Donna into a one-arm embrace as she came upon the stove.
" I'm okay Mrs. Forman, thanks," Donna managed with a nod, as Eric watched from across the room.
Kitty looked up at her, and although she obviously did not believe her, all she said was, " I made hot chocolate. And I have those little marshmallows you all like so much."
At this, a small smile broke out on Donna's face. She didn't have the heart to tell Mrs Forman that most of those marshmallows had been eaten after they had all spent an erstwhile afternoon in the circle, or by Kelso when he wanted to beat his own marshmallow eating record, so she just nodded. " That would be great Mrs Forman, thanks."
Kitty chattered as she bustled around the kitchen, standing on tiptoe to reach mugs out of the cupboards and stirring the cocoa whenever she walked past.
" Steven and Jackie should be here in a while; he called about an hour ago to say they were just running a little late…" Kitty trailed off for a moment before placing the mugs in front of them. Shaking her head, she rested her hand on Eric's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. " They should be here soon."
" Where's Dad?" Eric asked, looking up at his mother, whose eyes looked suspiciously and unexpectedly misty.
Eric knew he wasn't wrong about the tears when he saw her reach up and wipe surreptitiously at her eyes. " Oh, he's at the shop," she said with a big smile at the change in conversation. " You know he can't stand when all you kids are around," she added with a laugh, though they knew she wasn't particularly serious. Since returning from his time in Africa, Eric and his father had been getting along better then ever before, and Red seemed to actually enjoy hearing Eric's stories about his time away. Many evenings would find them sitting around, drinking beer, swapping their travelling memories, and experiences with foreign people and foreign lands.
After sitting a while in silence, simply drinking in the warmth of both the drink and the company, Donna pushed her empty mug away and stood up from the table, " I should get my stuff inside."
" I'll help," Eric said standing up and leaning across to kiss his mother on the cheek, " Thanks Mom."
With that, they walked outside, allowing the winter wind to whip through the kitchen, rattling the screen door in the silence of the kitchen.
Kelso and Fez arrived in late afternoon, just as the sun was setting. Hugs were traded in uncharacteristic quiet, and although beers were passed around (causing Red to grumble under his breath from where he sat in his chair, pretending to ignore them while he read the paper) they did not relocate to the basement. It didn't feel right for them to go there until they had all arrived. Instead, they sat around on the living room furniture, trading tales of their recent pasts and avoiding talking about the real reason that brought them all together. Kelso had just started telling them a story about Betsy, and passing around his most recent picture of the tiny brunette girl when there was a knock on the door.
At the sound of it, Kitty rushed down the stairs, and even Red folded his paper and looked over at the door. Kitty opened the door to Hyde and Jackie, who stood wrapped up in coats and scarves, Jackie leaning on Hyde's arm.
" Hey guys," Hyde managed to quirk a slight smile as he entered into the warm glow of the living room. Dropping their bags at the foot of the stairs, Hyde leaned in and first allowed himself to be hugged by Kitty, who wrapped her arms around him, making him stoop, but who squeezed him before pulling back and studying him with a mother's critical eye.
" Steven, you look like you could use a beer," she said after a pause, her hands on her hips.
Hyde smiled, pulling off his coat and stepping further into the room. " That would be great Mrs Forman, thanks." It took him a moment to realise that Jackie had not followed him in. She still stood at the foot of the stairs, her coat on, shuffling from foot to foot and not really making eye contact with anyone. Wordlessly he returned to her side, helping her off with her coat by sliding it off her shoulders, before taking her hand and leading her into the room and the reunion with their friends.
Once again, hugs were exchanged and drinks passed around; though they were somewhat stilted, as if they didn't quite know what to say to one another. Looking for something to break the ice, Donna held up the photo she was still holding in her hand. " Kelso brought new photos of Betsy," she said with a smile, holding them out to Hyde. He took the photo between his fingers, studying the chubby, grinning toddler with a small, crooked smile.
" She's cute Kelso. Good thing she looks like Brooke."
They all laughed, even Kelso, and it seemed almost back to normal when Fez grinned, " Burn!"
Donna, however, noticed that Jackie had not joined in their laughter. In fact, she had seemed very withdrawn since arriving, more reticent then the rest of them despite their general quiet. Now, she was holding the photo of Betsy, and Donna could swear that tears were welling in her eyes. Before she had quite realised what was happening, Jackie was on her feet, handing the photo back to Kelso.
" She's beautiful Michael," she told him with a pressed smile. Her eyelids were very red and her voice wavered, and anyone who had known Jackie as long as they all had knew that she was trying to hold back tears. " I'm just going to get some air," she announced to the room at large, not waiting for anyone to speak before pushing through the swinging door into the kitchen. Donna was sure she heard her sobbing as the door swung closed.
When Donna turned back to the room, she noticed that Kitty stood with her fingers pressed against her lips, tears shimmering in her eyes as she stared at the door. With a sigh, Hyde leaned forward and rested his forehead in his palms for a long moment, before pushing himself up. " Sorry guys. I'll…we'll be back." And with that, he followed Jackie out the door.
Eric and Donna looked at each other in confusion, and one look at Kelso and Fez said that they had no idea what had just happened either. Both sat with wide eyes and blank expressions, faces veilled with concern. Kitty took a few deep breaths, and looking over at her collected children sitting on the sofa, realised that she was going to have to be the one to explain the scene that had just occurred.
Taking a deep breath, Kitty perched on the arm of the sofa, and in a soft voice said, " Jackie lost a baby, two weeks ago." At their shocked expressions, she added, " They hadn't told you yet because it was still so early. They didn't want to tell you in case something…like this…happened…" She trailed off, watching as each of their faces turned from confused, to surprised, to heartbroken for their friends.
The silence was broken only by Red's uncharacteristically soft voice. " I'm going to take them their coats," he said, picking the items up and exiting through the door.
Kitty, realising it was going to take them all time to process this information, also stood up. " I'm going to go get things ready for you all upstairs," she announced, though she knew no one was really listening. Walking up the stairs, she left them to comfort each other.
Outside on the driveway, Hyde stood with his arms wrapped around Jackie as she wept into his chest. Her coat had been placed around her shoulders by Red, who had acknowledged Hyde silently with a nod, before retreating to the garage. Now Hyde rubbed Jackie's back in an attempt to keep her warm in the plummeting Wisconsin winter temperatures.
Her sobs subsided slowly into hiccups, leaving her leaning her whole insignificant weight against him. He littered kisses across her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes and her nose, his heart breaking when she looked up at him with exhausted, shadow-rimmed eyes. " I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice weak and hoarse from the cold weather and the torrents of tears.
" Nothing to be sorry for, doll," he told her, repeating the words he had spoken to her the first time she had tried to apologise to him, his tone sure but gentle. " None of this is your fault."
Reaching up and wiping her eyes with a flick of her finger, as though to check for smeared mascara, she took a deep breath and rolled her eyes, as if berating herself for her own silliness. " I shouldn't have run out like that."
He brushed away a lingering tear with the pad of his thumb. " Kitty will have explained it to them. They'll understand," he promised, rubbing light circles up and down her spine. Looking into her face, he watched as she mentally pulled herself together; she breathed deeply until the hitching in her chest stopped, and ran a hand through her hair so she would feel somewhat presentable. She quirked an eyebrow at him, causing him to laugh because he knew exactly what it meant. " Hot as always," he assured with a grin, leaning down and kissing her. " Ready to go back inside?"
Nodding, she took his hand and followed him back through the door and into the kitchen, knowing that they were about to face their own distorted version of hell - their friends' pity and their collective pain.
When Hyde and Jackie entered the basement, the scene before them looked so normal that they could almost imagine they had travelled four years back in time. Donna and Eric sat on the couch, his arm around her shoulders as she leaned into him, her legs tucked underneath her body; Kelso perched on the back of the couch, his legs to the side of them and his eyes focused on the muted re-run of 'Three's Company' playing on the screen in front of them. Fez too watched the pictures on the screen, though half his attention was diverted by the dripping Popsicle in his hand.
When they heard footsteps on the stairs, four pairs of eyes swivelled around, and the almost guilty looks on their faces let Hyde and Jackie know they had at least been the topic of their friends' trains of thought, if not their conversation. Heading straight to his chair – he loved how still no one else would dare sit in it – Hyde pulled Jackie onto his lap, wrapping his arm around her hip, watching the other four people in the room. They remained silent. Unable to stand the tension, Hyde looked over at the moving images on the TV.
" Wow, Chrissy and Janet have a misunderstanding. I think I've seen this one."
His comment broke the ice slightly, causing his friends to share small smiles, looking at one another askance, as though still unsure of their footing. Jackie spoke next, as though attempting to allay their unease. " It'll be easier if we just talk about it," she assured.
" We did not want to make you cry again." Fez's voice was soft, even in the quiet of the room, and Jackie couldn't help but smile at their friend's sweetness. He looked unerringly young with the purple stained mouth and hands, his eyes turned up at her, filled with concern.
The others nodded and murmured in general agreement and Jackie couldn't help but reach across and take hold of the nearest hand – which happened to be Donna's – and squeezed lightly in a wordless gesture of thanks. " I'm okay," she promised them, but then, knowing these were her friends, and remembering all they had been through together, she elaborated. " I'm…sorry…about before. I'm just…we're just," she corrected, sharing a quick glance with Hyde as she spoke. " We're still…adjusting."
Jackie's countenance was sad, but resolute, and Hyde rested his hand on her knee, squeezing it when he thought no one was looking.
" You don't have to apologise," Donna parried, leaning forward in her seat. " I'm sorry. I can't even imagine…" she trailed off, shaking her head so that long strands of copper hair fell in front of her eyes. The she shrugged, leaving silence once again.
It lasted for a long drawn-out moment, and this time, it was Eric that broke it. " God, everything is so fucked up right now!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air, his tone halfway between a laugh and utter despair.
At his words, Hyde prodded Jackie to stand up, and then headed to the back of the basement. For a few moments, they all looked at each other, confused, as Hyde routed around in old board game boxes and behind other long-abandoned articles. After a few moments, he came back, holding an old film canister in both hands, a large grin on his face.
" You know what might make it better?"
The Circle was nothing if not familiar, it was a practice they had perfected by almost daily repetition, and so the conversation flowed as easily as the smoke swirled around them.
" Forty years old man, I'm just saying, it's like – what? – that was it? – that was all he got?" Eric's eyes were open wide and already reddening as he smoked and passed, shaking his head in disbelief. The topic of conversation had finally switched to their real reason for all getting together, and for the first time they seemed to be able to find words about what had happened.
Hyde re-sparked the joint, breathing in deeply and enjoying the feeling of his head spinning and Jackie leaning against him. After taking a couple tokes he passed it to her, watching as she inhaled and held the smoke down in her lungs.
" Instant Karma, man," Hyde chipped in with a shake of his head, tearing his eyes away from Jackie as so to address the Circle as a whole. " 'Gonna knock you right on the head, You better get yourself together, pretty soon you're gonna be dead'. It's like he knew, man."
Strains of the 'Imagine' album drifted through the basement, the needle of the record player scratchy and well-used.
Kelso took the joint from Jackie's pink painted fingers, toking with a serious look on his face. " Do you think when you die you can look down on the people you left behind?" The uncharacteristically serious question took them all by surprise, and for a moment they were silent, thinking deeply about the possibilities. Then, after another toke, he added with a grin, " 'Cause if I died and that was true, I'd totally watch chicks with massive jahoobs get naked."
Everyone couldn't help but find it funny in the current situation – gallows humour or something like it – and so threw pretzels, pillows and even a few punches Kelso's way. " Man!" he exclaimed, waving the joint above his head with a laugh, " They wouldn't know I was looking!"
Snagging the still burning joint from Kelso's grip, Donna shook her head as she smoked, drumming her fingers on the table in time with the music. " You know it's the end of an era. I mean, there just aren't bands like the Beatles around anymore. Who do we have – U2? – talk about flash in the pan." She passed the joint to Eric, who removed a red Popsicle from his mouth in order to take a hit.
" It's gotta get better though right?" Eric couldn't help but try to be positive. It had been his frustrated exclamation that had drawn them into this particular circle, and so he also felt it was somewhat his duty to bring them back out the other side. Usually the circle went a long way to cheering them all up, but these were new and unaspected times, and he wasn't sure if it would be enough. He sucked the cherry Popsicle, looking around at the group. " I mean, the 80s can't totally suck right?"
Taking the joint and wrinkling his nose at the now slightly pink-stained end, Fez asked, with a grin. " If we were the Beatles who would I be?"
" Ringo!" Everyone answered in unison, following the exclamation with laughter at the look on their friends' face.
" Burn!" Kelso said with a grin. " That's like a super-drummer burn."
" No fair," Fez pouted, allowing a plume of smoke to escape from between his lips. " Why do I have to be Ringo?"
Hyde snagged the joint from his grasp, taking a hit and chuckling, " Because Forman's Paul."
" And Hyde is John," Eric agreed with a punctuating jab of his lolly as he watched his friend blow smoke rings into the open air. Hyde grinned and gave a nod of thanks, blowing the last ring through one already floating through the air.
Jackie started chuckling, snuggling into Hyde's side. Everyone turned their eyes to her – up to this point she had still be uncharacteristically subdued, and now she was giggling so hard that her eyes were shining with tears of mirth. " Jackie?" Her name was spoken as a question – not that pointless laughter was that unusual in the Circle – and after a minute she unfolded herself, and lifted a finger to point at Kelso.
" That means you're George!" she giggled by way of explanation, her hand shaking as she continued to point. " Let's make him sit in lotus!"
Everyone laughed at the idea, and Eric and Donna immediately jumped up and began attempting to manipulate Kelso into the pretzel-like position, tackling him off of his chair and wrestling with him on the floor as the others smoked and laughed, enjoying the irreverence of the moment, as they realised that even in the darkest of moments, sometimes being together was all that they needed.
By the time they had worked their way through a good half of the film-canister stash, it was pitch black outside and the TV had begun running only infomercials. They had all collapsed on various pieces of furniture; Kelso sat atop the freezer, his feet dangling beneath him, chewing gum and blowing bubbles big enough that they covered his whole face. Fez had been waved into Hyde's chair when it had become clear that Hyde was not going to be sitting there. He was currently stuck on the sofa – Jackie had been rather affected by the Circle, and was currently laying, her head resting on his thighs – and so he sat still, only moving to run his fingers absentmindedly through her hair. Eric sat in the recliner chair, Donna playing solitaire on the floor at his feet with the deep concentration of the contentedly stoned. Though their conversation had calmed, odd snippets still came in fits and starts.
" The Beatles were totally on drugs, man. Yellow Submarine? Blue Meanies? They were high!" Hyde repeated his statement, propping his chin on his fist as he twisted his fingers through Jackie's curls.
Donna happily moved a black queen onto a red king and then looked up at the sofa. " Coo coo ca-choo," she said by way of agreement, but then added in an almost whisper, " I think we lost Jackie."
Leaning over, Hyde peered at Jackie's face, and her eyes were indeed closed, her breathing deep and even. Sighing, his face seemed to lose a little of the mellow they had spent the last few hours attaining. " She's still, you know, pretty tired. From everything." His explanation was soft but brusque (a combination that only he could manage), and he manoeuvred Jackie until he could slip his arms beneath her, picking her up and cradling her against his chest. She did not wake, but stirred against him, resting her head against on his shoulder. " I'm going to…" he trailed off, nodding in the direction of his old bedroom, and they all murmured their understanding.
They watched their friends disappear, and suddenly the high they had experienced seemed to come crashing down.
" John Lennon has – had - two kids, you know that?" Kelso continued to stare at the closed door to Hyde's room. Then he shook his head – it swam with images of Betsy that made his chest ache.
" And a wife," Eric added, unable to stop himself reaching out and placing his hand on the back of Donna's neck. She seemed to understand, and looked up at him with a sad smile.
The four of them sat in silence, complete silence as the records they had been listening to had stopped some hours ago and no one had remember to put on a new one. Thoughts of heroes gone and friends forever altered bounced around the room, settling with each of them and causing a collective sigh.
" The Circle did not make it better, did it?" Fez's words were not a question, but an admittance of the way they were all feeling. Without further words, they all stood up and began separating, Kelso and Fez heading out the basement door with promises that they would see each other in the morning, and Eric and Donna heading up the stairs into the main body of the house.
Later, when they lay facing each other in bed, Eric finally answered the question. " I don't know if anything will."