Prologue:

January 13, 2003

I'm sick today and mom had to go back to Montesano to deal with something she said was, "only concerning adults." I wanted to go and see Ray but, she reminded me I'll see him for the holidays and I can't wait. Steve walks in from the kitchen holding soup with a smile on his face; something about him is different, his eyes are dark, mischievous even.

"Ana, turn around and let me rub this vapor rub on your back. It will help you breathe better."

Mom does this for me all the time so, I turn around as he lifts my shirt and I could instantly feel his cold hands against my skin. He rubs slower than mom, massaging the medicine deep into my back with slow circular motions.

"I need to rub it on your chest too."

"That's ok Steve, I can get-"

"Ana we're family now, I'll do it so you don't have to get up to wash the medicine off."

I'm hesitant but he moves closer, cornering me on the couch. He pulls the collar of my shirt down and rubs my chest, his eyes are on the spot he's massaging and with a grin, his hand slips and touches my breast; he looks nonchalant and apologies but, there's something about his eyes that don't connect to his words. I scoot away and pull my shirt up, closer to my neck. "That's enough," it's barely audible and I'm not sure if I said it aloud or in my head.

"Ana, do you think I keep your mom happy?"

"Yes, why?"

"I want to keep her happy but, I'm sick."

"Did you get my cold?"

"Not like that sweet baby." He points at his head, "in here Ana, my mind is sick. I need to make it feel better so I can continue to keep your mom happy. Will you help me?"

"What do I have to do?"

"Nothing, I just need you to lay down."

I shake my head 'no' quickly and get up from the couch. What is he asking from me? I need to get out of here, my intuition is screaming danger. If I can just call my mom and tell her what he's asking from me, what he's telling me. I stand and he grabs my arm, tight.

"Ana, you don't want your mom to go through another divorce do you?" I stop in my tracks. "I don't want to have sex with you Ana, I'm no monster. I just want to look at you."

He tied me up that day, dug his nails into me just hard enough to barely break the skin. I had red streaks all over my back, my legs, and my stomach. That wasn't even the worst part, it was his breathing, the smell of his cologne on my body when he was finished. It was the way he moaned when his nails dragged against my flesh; that moan is the sound of the devil. As time passed he'd find every opportunity to tie me up again; he grew in confidence and he would sometimes smack me, never on my face though. When he was feeling particularly 'sick' he'd whip me with various items and only found his release once my skin started to tear. Sometimes when he didn't have a lot of time he'd spank me, he lived for watching my body respond to his abuse.

I tried and failed to tell my mom a thousand times what Steve was doing to me, the secret was tearing us apart. I could no longer stomach her happiness, I blamed her smiles on Steve's actions and her laughter became my undoing. Would she still be happy if I told her? Steve said she would choose him and if I told her, she'd hate me. I believe him, as crazy as that may sound; my mom wants to be in love so badly she makes rash decisions, never thinking anything through.

"Bye Ana! I'll be back around six tonight, make sure you get ready for school tomorrow."

I've never been so happy about school in my life, I finally get to get away from Steve and his sick version of pleasure. I hear the front door close and footprints slowly closing in on my bedroom door. I always keep my door locked but that only makes him angry, last time he broke the door off the hinges and came the closest he ever was to stealing away the last bit of my innocence.

"I should shove myself inside of you!" He had me pinned to the ground as he took my pants off. "Is that what you want sweet Ana?!" He hissed in my ear as he pulled my panties down to my knees. I couldn't scream any louder, I begged and pleaded for him not to, I offered every and anything else. "Shut up Ana! Are you going to lock the door again!" The words came out as a demand rather than a question, his manhood pressing against my buttocks.

"No! Please, I won't lock the door again, I promise! Please Steve!"

"That's right sweet baby, scream my name again."

With slow, gentle thrust I could feel him slowly going in and out of my cheeks without fully inserting himself inside me; I counted the ticks of my alarm clock; 1, 2, 3... 10... 17 minutes later his body started convulsing, pushing harder against me until I felt his hot seaman between my cheeks. I cried so hard that night my body hurt.

When I heard him right outside of my room I shook the memory away and quickly unlocked the door just as the handle started turning.

"What are you doing Ana?"

"I was just writing, making a list of what I need for school tomorrow." He trained me not to look up at him, he never wanted to see my face.

"I feel like your lying to me sweet baby." His voice to anybody else would have sounded gentle, nice almost. I knew better, I knew him better than anybody and before I could assure him that I wasn't lying, I felt the sting of his belt buckle against my back. I screamed in surprise and pain as my knees hit the floor.

"You know how I feel about you lying Ana!"

The sting of the belt went lower as the buckle smacked against my spine; I bit my lip to suppress the cries, if he hears me he'll hit me harder.

"I'm so sorry Ana, you know how sick my mind is. Clean up and go to sleep, ok?"

With those simple words, Steve was out of my room and back to watching the game and sipping his alcohol. I could feel the blood running down my back as I got up, the shower was brutal and it took me longer to get ready for school the next day but still I smiled; tomorrow school starts and everything will change... I just never imagined how long it would take or how much that change would effect the rest of my life.

CHAPTER ONE: The Course of Change

The last bell of the school year rang and kids were practically stampeding each other to get to their bus, cars, or start walking home first. I took every chance I could to walk as slowly as possible. I'll miss the bus on purpose and mom, although complaining and yelling, will pick me up on her way home from work; anything to not spend time with Steve. My whole school year was homework, books, and finding new ways to avoid my mothers husband. The holidays were always the best, Ray came to see me on my birthday and we spent an afternoon at a restaurant talking, he bought me a few books I've already read but didn't mind reading again. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the best, I didn't have to worry about Steve or trying to hide the scars and bruising from the sick torture Steve put me through every chance he got. My back held new scars every week; rope burns, bruises from the whips and canes, my backside a constant shade of red from his slaps, and his scent, stained on my skin to constantly remind me of the shame and abuse. New Years Eve was the worst day of the year, mom had to work all day so, Steve was able to do as he pleased with me, slowly, painfully. I shake my head to dismiss the memories and slowly start to clean my locker.

"Anastasia!"

I freeze and can sense my mothers annoyance behind me.

"Ana, dear!"

Maybe not as annoyed as I thought? I turned around and she's holding a piece of paper with a big smile on her face. After our argument this morning, I expected her to start yelling at me as soon as she saw me. I had planned to spend the summer with Ray however, mom informed me that I'd only be seeing Ray for a couple weekends throughout the summer, 'you seem so comfortable with Steve, we just don't have the money to keep sending you to Ray. You and Steve will be able to have fun together this summer.' Steve laughed aloud and agreed, 'I have so many plans for you sweet Ana.' I was furious and with a sudden and out of character outburst, my mother and I started in the biggest fight we've had since my 13 years on this earth.

"Mom? Is everything alright?"

"Ana, I thought about this morning. I'm sorry I yelled at you like I did, I should have been more understanding of how upset you would be."

"No, it was my fault mom. I was just so excited to see Ray."

"Well, I've come with a peace treaty." I looked at her with confusion as she showed me the paper she was holding. "They built a new youth center near downtown. They have a bunch of different summer camps and programs-" I couldn't help the smile etched across my face, I don't even care what type of club it was, as long as it got me away from Steve. "... I'll drop you off on my way to work and pick you up on my way home. I just got a promotion so I finally get weekends off. We can spend the weekends as a family and Steve just got a job so, he'll be busy most of the time. Maybe, we can finally spend some much needed girl time." I grabbed her in a hug and start weeping.

"Oh, mom that sounds perfect!"

On the way home I looked at the paper again trying to find out what club she said she signed me up for. 'Young Book Lovers' and 'Imagine It: The World of Young Writers.' I was in such a good mood, seeing Steve didn't even bother me. The next day I woke up to mom burning bacon and running around the kitchen like a mad woman; I couldn't help but laugh at the scene unfolding in front of me. When Steve doesn't cook, I cook, or we order take out, anything but let mom in the kitchen.

"Do you need help?"

"Oh, good morning Ana! Are you ready to start you first summer camp? You have 'Imagine It' for the first part of the summer and then the other one for the next summer."

I nod my head and look around for Steve, he's missing and I couldn't care less where he went. I helped mom finish up breakfast and then we were off to the Youth Center.

"Good morning! Carla? Please, call me Grace."

"Yes, Grace it's lovely to meet you and this is my daughter Anastasia."

The woman shook my hand and I couldn't help but smile at her, she was beautiful and spoke in the most gentle, sincere voice I've ever heard.

"Mia, come please."

A girl around my age walked up with a big infectious smile on her face, she shook my hand and introduced herself.

"Mia Grey, are you here for 'Imagine It?' I begged mom for a cooking course the first half of the summer but, she insisted I did something to expand my mind. I only took this course to get out of karate-"

"Mia please, walk with Ana to your classroom, make sure she feels comfortable. I don't want to hear any more of karate."

Mia grabbed my hand and started walking toward a hallway on the opposite side of us. I turned and waved bye to my mom as Mia carried on about karate and how her brother will be in this course because, he wants to meet a smart girl to help him with his homework. I couldn't help but laugh at he facial expression when she said it. She talked about a million words per minute and had this self confidence that was extremely rare in young girls our age. We finally got to the classroom that was already filled with about 11 other girls and 4 guys. Nobody seemed to notice us as we sat at a conjoined table that had two seats right next to each other; she was still talking when an older man walked in and placed some books on the table, he looked at Mia and cleared his throat but she didn't seem to notice. I tried to tell her but was conflicted with interrupting her.

"Mia, please!" His voice was loud but he was far from yelling. Even with a stern voice he sounded very gentle. He laughed as she apologized and I turned a bright crimson as the room turned to look at us and giggled. "Either write something worth reading or-"

"do something worth writing." The words came out before I could stop them and the class looked at me. Mia had a big grin and nudged me to go on, "Benjamin Franklin."

"Good guess or an avid reader?"

"Avid reader." I could feel the heat on my face and a guy with a big grin was staring right at me, he nodded then turned to look at Mr. Carrick.

"Guess you found your favorite, huh dad?"

Oh no, Mia's brother? I looked at him just long enough to notice how handsome he was, then I quickly turned my attention at my fidgeting hands. I could rewind time to stop myself from speaking so blatantly. I can hear Mia giggle and sense a rush of relief as her dad gives us a little assignment and Mia starts talking about the cooking course she takes the next half of the summer.

"Did you sign up for another course?"

"Young Book Lovers."

"Really? Wow, you really do love to read! My other brother Christian is going to be doing that course, that is if he doesn't plan on spending all his time at Mrs. Lincoln's house."

Mia said the name with such disgust I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I can't really put my finger on it but, there's something I don't like or trust about her. Christian, my brother acts so different around her, it's like he's a robot."

"Maybe he likes her?"

"Eww, she's so old! She doesn't look it though, I'm sure she has a plastic surgeon on speed dial!"

"Mia!"

We burst into a fit of laughter, she told me more about her brother in our course, Elliott and how he jumps from women to woman like their an Olympic sport. She also told me about how her and her brothers are all adopted. I told her a little about me too, how my mother is such a hopeless romantic that she can neglect me sometimes. I'm not sure why I feel so comfortable with Mia, maybe it's because she's the only friend I've made since the year I've been here or maybe, it's her energy. She's so enthusiastic about everything, it's hard not to share the same reaction to things. She told me about her life, the places her family has traveled to, the international chefs she's been able to meet, concerts she's been to; it wasn't hard to figure out she's unimaginably privileged.

The day seemed to be rushing past us, before I knew, we were at lunch, laughing and gossiping. Mia likes to read too so, we talked about books and thought of different actors who would play the lead in our favorite books. By the time we were in our seats again, Mia was already on a whole new subject.

"I like talking to you Ana. Your not like my friends at school, they never talk about books and sometimes, I'm pretty sure they only want to be my friends because I come from a family with money. They judge so quickly and harsh, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them, it's nice to feel like I can be myself."

"I feel the same way to. Not many kids at my school are trying to get to know me." I force out a nervous laugh and when I look up at her she has a huge grin on her face, her eyes are bright and her mouth open to say something but she stops herself. "What's wrong?"

"I was wondering, if it's not weird I mean, would you like to come to my house? If our parents say yes, I mean. We can have a sleepover and I can show you some of my book collection. We even cleared out the fire pit the other day so we can make some s'mores!"

I probably said yes a little too quickly but, I don't care. My mom was more than happy to let me go with Mia and her parents seemed please that Mia and I got along really well. It's funny how quickly your life changes; I could have never guessed that I was about to be swept up in a storm of love and confusion, heartache and lust or that meeting one person was about to question everything I knew in my heart to be right and wrong. One single person would soon be my undoing, be the person who would teach me that everything isn't black and white and that sometimes, the only way to survive is to walk that Grey line.