Jar of Dirt and Me
By: The Jar of Dirt Is Mine
Disclaimer: I do not own POTC or POTC
times up what's your answer
Heather says what is Cairo is right
She bid $6000!
so now her total is 13952
my bra has water in it
we go to next contestant
O.o
they say what is Jamaica
I'm sorry that's wrong
bid $2000
mm 10345
final contestant
what is Cairo
nun uh its not I really do have water in my bra
that's right $3000
12980
but heather is our WINNER
ITS SQUISHY
With a total of 13952!
shell come back tomorrow to face more contestants on Jeopardy
applause
grows silent
a humongous roar
WHATS THAT
sorry
my bra
CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
SWINGING ACROSS THE STAGE
Grabs Heather THEY GOT THE WIINER
Cannons fire
crowd runs
LOOK
IT THE BRITISH FROM PORT ROYAL\
FIRE
Boom
and now she's living a life of happiness with jack sparrow
now continuing
AND THE JAR OF DIRT
she steals the jar of dirt
GASP
he runs after her
She runs into her bedroom.
BOOM
Port royal fleet still firing!!
Look out!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Jack Sparrow orders everyone to fire!
jack sparrow follows her to her room
Port Royal ship go bye bye
XD
Everyone celebrates but where's Jack?
meanwhile in bedroom with jar of dirt
your cue --
huh oh
right
lol
so as he follows her into her bedroom she locks the door and holds him hostage
gasp
pirates banging door
open up missy
she then puts everything in her room in front of the door so its impossible for them to get in
Arggg she a good pirate but well get in missy one way or another!
she places the jar of dirt on a high high place
as she ties jack sparrow to a chair
she blocks all the windows so no pirates may get in
grrrrrrrr
gets out guns
BOOM
she says I will keep your jar of dirt and hold u hostage here forever unless you will marry me and then stops to block the windows again
then jack sparrow says yes ok I will marry you just give me my dirt back
she hands him the jar of dirt
Jack says :Alright laddy you know your quite the adventures one eye well I got tricks up my sleeves too (if u don't want to use your lines lol)
then she unblocks everything and walks out of her bedroom hand in hand with jack sparrow and goes back to the set of jeopardy to shake Alex's hand
XDDD
I'm Alex)
YOU DESTROYED MY SET
How DARE YOU
Ha-ha it's not my fault they shot cannons!
IT COSTED ME ALOT OF MONEY
U? no the company
Auuhhhhhhhggg nevermind just get off my set
company
fine but give me my money
chh no money here
u blew it up
on my set
lol
WELL THEN I SHALL SUE U
so u will have even less money and I will have more
NO NO PLZ NO
Fine here take the money
thank u
just never return again
lol
but I must return tomorrow
NVR
lol
runner up wins bwhahah
Wanna get sued for false advertising?
Fine!
come back tomorrow
but we be in a diff studio
I shall
since this one under construction
lol
Storyteller:
and so Heather and Jack rode off into the Sunset on the Black Pearl
Hoping to get married at the Sea Port Mantuia
But what adventures tails behold them?
the end
lol
hahahahahahahha
we only starting cough
JACK SPARROW IS MINE ALL MIIIIIIINE
ACT 2
ACT 2 Scene 1
Town Mantuia
Place wedding chapel
WE INTERRUPT THIS WEDDING FOR A NEWS BULLETIN
enters jack heather crew priest citizens
I must speak with Timmy away from jack
Timmy enters
may I help you
yes do u like Allie as much as Karly
oo u so sly cutting in the play like this lol
of course
now Timmy must leave have a great marriage
exits
(back to play)
thank u now back to the play
(u be jack ill be me)
(jack) Well what a beautiful Chapel not like the one back in Roland
WAIT I MUST INTERRUPT AGAIN
Too prettyful do we have to marry here?
do u like Allie or Karly more
Allie) this is an Aside
thank u
sigh i wish we went to a more
pirateful bounty down to earth home chapel
let us go on with our wedding jack
But oh well I guess we marry here wait!!! Where did you put my Jar of DIRT!
I gave it to you silly
no you didn't its not in my pouch
WAIT I SEE HIM THEIF
Come Back here!
Men GET HIM
Swords draw
crew exits
AAAAAAAAAH
give us the dirt
(goblin) NVR
ITS MINE
HAHA
heather ropes the thief goblin in and beats him up she then takes the jar of dirt and hands it to jack then pulls him back to the chapel
now on with the most important day of my life with NO INTERRUPTIONS
citizens enter
O what a beautiful marriage
wait (whispers) isn't that jack sparrow
(yes it is I hear he's good bounty)
HEATHER SCREAMS EVERYBODY SHUT THE HELL UP
(I say we should tie him up after he's married and sell him and the wife we get double bounty hehe) oo yes such a happy marriage!
Priest enters
Music plays
walks down the isle
aisle
Jack walks down the aisle
stumbles
oops sorry had to much rum'
-.-
before the wedding ha-ha
music plays
holds on to jack and arrives to where the priest is
music stops
Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today to join cougha pirate and a lovely countess in holy matrimony
if u have any objections please speak now
silence
I OBJECT! SCREAMS A VOICE!
OH NO U DO NOT
gasps through chapel
LOOK
(what's that guys name the snob that's at port royal
Norrington?
tee
Norrington enters
I SHALL MARRY HER NOT THIS PATHETIC PIRATE
heather punches Norrington and says anyone else object?
Jack: aww my love is a good fighter she's a wonderful pirate you are a sniveling twit
heather kicks him in the balls
might I suggest you leave draws sword or you will play dearly for entering this chapel uninvited
pay
Norrington runs out and everyone cheers
now can we please continue Priest
ahem
do you miss heather take jack to be your lawfully wedded husband
I do
coughywouldumarryhimcough (citizen)
and do u jack sparrow take miss heather to be your lawfully wedded wife
heather throws bock at him
I do
boo
book
Then I announce you
HUSBAND AND WIFE
(cheers)
Norrington (o I cant wait to tell the governor of this wont he be happy ha-ha) Exits Norrington and citizens
Crew enters Congratulations Jack
Jack: Righto now lets carry on I want to find more TREASURE
heather smiles and looks snobbish to all the girls there
Crew Jack
Norrington was here
He sailed due North
toward Port Royal
Jack: aww let him go
he cant do anything now
grabs heather (we married now see boys so theirs no fuss)
he cant do anything
well I'm afraid we have bad news
what
he um stole um your jar of dirt
from your cabin
NOO
HE DID HOW DARE HE
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
HE WILL PAY
FOLLOW HIM MEN
SET SAIL
runs after Norrington and jumps on top of him and pulls out sword. She says if u ruin my wedding day any more than you already have I swear I will kill you right on the spot is that clear?
(Everyone exits except Heather)
he mumbles c-c-clear
(no Norrington left lol
XD
This is your moment
nope I got there earlier
(heather alone) (speak your soliloquy
(make it long)
(make it go with pirates and the sea and ships)
(and foreshadow events too)
The love of my life now is mine. Norrington shall pay no matter what the risk is. I shall accompany jack along his journey and stop Norrington. He will not keep that jar of dirt no matter what it takes. He will not ruin my wedding day even if it means fatality.
Nice!
end of scene 1
scene 2
Port Royal
enters (what's Elizabeth's fathers name
the gray hair dude
lol
EHz I don't know
we say HF
heathers father
enters HF and Count
He: Sire my daughter is out there do something please
Count: Sir we are trying
Give us time
HF: NVR I want my DAUGHTER NOW
Count: Please calm we are doing everything we can
Norrington will be back soon
HF: That twisted Weasel
Hell bring bad news for sure
Count: I don't like him either but we must trust him
Enters Will
Will: What brings news of Heather
Count: Still at sea
Will: We must go find her
HF: Norrington is already out there
Will: We can't trust him I want to save my darling Heather for I know she's probably lost in the big wide cold world of pirates. I am going to save her!
Count: Don't be ridicules Norrington will find her
HF: I hope for if not the sea has swallowed her and if she is found I fear darkness is ahead
Everyone exits
Scene 2 ends
k now what
him scene 3 start in moment
INTERMISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to get pretty first ha-ha
barb
(5 mines!
intermission
vie returned
ok
Wanna start again?
U ready?
uh sure we'll start with Elizabeth on a boat to find the black pearl
ok Scene 3
Elizabeth alone enters
Scene Bedroom
oh wait stop now
NOO
Oyo
I mean heather vie lost it
oops
Heather
alone in bedroom
scene 3
yep
Heather is holding a pendulant in her hand
looking in front of her in silence
then she breaks silence (speaking out loud to yourself
(audience can only hear
I need to find the black pearl
jack left without me honestly I think will loves me as well
Norrington does too
What do I do?
I do not love anyone in this world besides jack sparrow
that's it
I'm getting a boat and I'm going to find the black pearl if its the last thing I do
suddenly a CRASH
heather exits bedroom
all the crew stunned
a ship swiped into the black pearl
enters crew of Port Royal and Will
Draws sword at Jack Sparrow
Where is Heather you monster
What have you done with her
Jack: I have not harmed her but maybe you have harmed yourself for being here mate
Jack: I suggest you leave before things get pretty ugly
Will: Never I wont leave without Heather
enters heather
Will: HEATHER
You're all right!
What is going on tell me now!
What have u done will?
Will: I have done nothing except to save you from this evil man. Come Heather we can be happily married
Norrington will spread lies
we must return to Port Royal
never
there is one person I love in this world and that man is jack sparrow
think what you want of him but my opinion has never changed
Will: Heather... You have... LIES! You have brainwashed her Jack
Draws sword
Stop this madness!
Now you must die for your treachery
Jack draws sword Ladies first
Will I have never loved you! you must go on
Will: Heather why have you
Well then.
puts sword back in
If you want to know Norrington is now addressing fake news about you
what is he saying
and since you and your "husband can decide" I must leave
Set sail men!
goodbye Hear Exits
Jack: Well isn't he a cat out of a bag.
indeed
Jack: What do u suggest Heather
Do we return and face your father
he doesn't know yet
I don't know what to do all I know is that I love you
father will understand
if not then well then that doesn't matter
Exits everyone except Jack
(aside) I feel that I don't know something
Maybe I should ask heather more but I fear too
Jack exits
Curtain draws
ACT 3
Scene 1
Port Royal
Enters Norrington Will HF and Count
(u can be any1 u want to be
this allot of talking)
uh ok
choose 1 or 2
Uh 2?
be Count
and HF
k
Norrington:
I have news from you count ready for you
Will: he lies do not listen
Norrington quiet turner
here sir hands info to Count
count: I do not believe a word of this
He: what is the meaning of this? Heather has married jack?
yes
(Arrington)
yes
its true
in Mantuia
they got married
Will is this true?
Will: He lies
there was no marriage
She may love him but she hasn't married
she's marrying me
enters Jack and Heather
FATHER!
Norrington: AH HAH PIRATE BACK OFF YOU ARE OFF LIMITS
DO NOT TOUCH HIM NORRINGTON
Jack: on the contrary you are a sniveling twit and I don't like swords panted in my face
Will See Heather tell your Father
You are not married
will I am married
Will : What
Norrington: See I tell the truth
I married jack
Jack: yes its true
He Shocked faints
Count Startled
father
everyone take your leave I need to speak to my father alone with jack
everyone exits Orrington's last words
My darling I have ridden of your marriage with this smelly old man we shall marry tomorrow we wed at 9 since this overgrown smelly armpit is gonna be thrown in jail until then my love exits
I SAID TAKE YOUR LEAVE NORRINGTON
Jack aye I may be unannounced Heather but I am still your wife
He awakens
father listen not to what anyone says I speak the truth
I married jack and I will not be wed to anyone besides jack ever
I love him and nothing will cure me of it. Will insists that I am to marry him as does Norrington but I shall not. jack and I shall run away to be together
(I take HF over
HF: I'm sorry daughter
but Jack entered an unauthorized territory
u must be wed with a citizen
of Port Royal
its the Law
then I hereby renounce my citizenship
consider me a pirate
HF: u cant
He: Your a countess
heather takes jacks hand and leaves
I'm sorry daughter
I am no longer
but it must be this way
ends scene 2
18
1
scene 2
stormy rainy
next day 9 o clock
knock on heathers door
she opens it
He: Daughter you must leave
its time for your wedding
I will not leave without jack
Jack is in jail
not if I can help it
runs out of room and sets off in search of where they are holding jack
suddenly the random dog that always has keys walks in and she takes the keys out of his mouth
DAUGHTER WAIT
father I will not be wed to him
release jack
guards halt heather
you may not pass miss
I'm sorry
take her away
heather drug away
draws sword
He: darling its too late
takes sword from her its gonna have to be this way
enters count
what has happened
father if you do not release me I will have you dead if I must do it myself
my daughter has been drug away
she is marrying Norrington under her will
count I'm sorry
but that's the way it has to be
He: agreed I must go get ready
see u there count
Count" good day
Aside for Count (this is going to end terribly I know)
exits
scene 2 ends
scene 3
Wedding Chapel
citizens count Norrington He Crew of Black pearl hiding in nearby area
citizens I hear that this could be a horrible wedding
I know I feel dreadful
music plays
Heather enters
Norrington walks down aisle
heather sits down on the floor refusing to move
guards drag her down the aisle
makes sure she doesn't go anyway here
Priest enters
We are hear today to unholy matrimony open Heather an jack
we hereby eligibly dismiss the marriage of jack and heather
rips paper
tear streams down face
Do u Norrington
take miss heather
as your lovely wedded wife
I do
Do u heather
take Norrington
as your husband
never
I'm sorry miss but u must accept
the hell I must
u must say yes
do not speak words in chapel
just did
Suddenly DOORS BUST OPEN
Will enters
HOW DARE YOU NORRINGTON
sighs oh god here we go
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARRY HER
Since I am the allegeable one
I signed the papers
months
before u ever did
I AM HER HUSBAND
gaps
gasps
not unless I except
Priest looks
its true
Norrington u cant marry
your not old enough
Oyo
gasps
Will please come up here
you must marry her
Will smiles
heather sulks
DORRS BUST OPEN AGAIN
Citizens O COME ON!!
Jack enters: ya miss me sweets
JACK
Heather runs down aisle hugs jack
Will in awe
Norrington pulls out sword You die here today JACK
draws out jacks sword and holds it to Norrington
I swear the next time you threaten him ill kill you
HOLD!
screams HF
Norrington STOP
PUT THAT AWAY DAUGHTER
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE
WILL
DONW HERE
DO U ALL WANT TO MARRY HER
THEN HAVE A DUEL
father you will NOT stop me from marrying the man I love
WHOEVER WINS MARRIES MY DAUGHER
END OF DICUSSION
EVERYONE OUT TO THE COLLISSEUM NOW
fine with me jack can beat all of you
everyone runs outsides exits
He grabs daughter We will see who wins you but for the hell it is it better be a good man if they all love u
everyone exits
Scene 4
Coliseum
Raining
thunder
citizens and everyone in the play is there
sits waiting for jack to rightfully win he
her
cough waiting
Duel ringer enters
this is it
the match
oh there u r ha-ha
for heather
Everyone play fair
and remember
the one who stands wins
LET BLOOD SPILL FOR SINS YOU ALL HAVE MADE Hell will kill you if u die
LET IT BEGIN DEATH DUELING
exits
no applause
This is barbaric!
Audience screams Burn in Hell for few sacs then quiet
READY
BEGIN!
audience screaming over and over Burn in Hell
Swords clinging
Heather nervous
sits waiting for something to happen
Norrington gets stabbed
Blood gushing
NORRINGTON IS OUT
TAKE HIM AWAY
TO THE MEDIC
Norrington screams I'm going to hell and no love is with it
medic Norrington exits
Will Fights Jack fights
heather eases up a bit
Will stabs Jack
NO
Jack falls
NO
it is OFFICAL
Will Turner
is our winner
Take this man to the medic
heather runs down to the fighting place thingy to comfort jack
Heather has now a husband
Mr. Will turner and Heather Turner
no she does not
Jack springs up and stabs Will
JACK!
it was a joke mate got to watch pal
will falls
then its official
Jack Sparrow and Heather Sparrow!!!
kisses him
everyone cheers
exits
Scene 5 Happy memories
Beautiful day
Nearby Black Pearl
Flowers falling landing on the water
will and Norrington enter with wounds
everyone applauds while jack and heather kiss
flower girls throw flowers on them
heather whispers to her HF
(ill be back)
They sail off together
into the bright sun
above their heads
He says
Threes never been a love like The Dearest Heather and her husband Sir Sparrow
Curtain falls
APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Applause
APPLAUSE
Heather sent the wink "Bow"
actors actresses bow
flowers thrown to jack and heather
The End
woot
D
WE DID IT
lol
Made an entire Play
yaaaaaaaaay
Who's tired?
lol
heather is
that was fun D
lol
yes it was we need to put that on so long though
copy and paste Xd
hahahaha yea
but make sure no errors in spelling
yep
I'm gonna go to bed ill ttyl babester
Night Hheather
night
Sweet dreams of u
and your jack
hahha
sailing away
bye
bye