This is a one-shot I thought of while listening to listening to the Against Me song
"True Trans Soul Rebel" not quite the same subject matter...but it sparked an idea.
She was cold; she was always cold. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she counted the cracks in the sidewalk as she meandered down the lonely road. What time was it? Probably about 10; it had been dark for a while and her feet had only just started hurting which meant the night was still young. She still had 8 hours of this before she could call it a night.
She walked past the fountain, dragging her fingers through the freezing water. She took the steps two at a time and made her way down to the picnic area. She climbed up and over a picnic table gingerly stepping onto the cold grass and turned at the statue. This had become her routine, her therapy. She didn't sleep anymore; her body just didn't know what to do when it came time to wind down, she had given up trying long ago. Her brain needed to be on all of the time or she lost control and Jane Rizzoli does not lose control.
Little clouds of her breath formed as she started to quicken her pace; she hated this park during the day. She mostly hated the empty feeling she got when she saw couples and groups congregating; having fun. This park was not made for a loner, that's why she walked it at night, it seemed lonely like her. Sure, she had her brothers in blue, but they didn't talk after the day was over; they all had their own families to go home to. Jane had a family; she just wasn't social as the rest of them.
Pushing her wayward raven curls out of her face, Jane focused on the bridge she was approaching. This bridge had been abandoned years ago when the economy had tanked in this town and many a factory, like the one on the other side of the bridge, had closed. That left no use for the rickety, unsafe wooden structure that Jane seemed drawn to. She would sit here for a few minutes and just think; the danger of it all is why kept her coming back. Besides, it was peaceful. She needed some peace after what she faced day after day as a Detective at BPD.
Squatting near a beam leading onto the bridge, the Detective stopped to just enjoy the quiet anonymity of the dark, hidden area. She'd been plagued by insecurities when it was quiet, and she needed a moment to let them pass through her without anyone to witness this display of emotion from the usually stony Detective.
Who's gonna take you home tonight?
Who's gonna take you home?
You should've been a mother.
You should've been a wife.
Jane stuck her gloved hands in her mouth to muffle the sobs racking her thin body. She hadn't dressed for the rainy weather they'd been having. She was wearing dress slacks and a blouse in the 50 degree Boston spring, with heels to boot. She didn't know why she liked to dress up before her walks; she had no one to impress.
All dressed up with nowhere to go.
Even breaths finally won out, and the Detective rose to her feet. She continued on her walk, the breeze chilling the tear marks down her face. Her skin felt tight and chilled; she hadn't cried on one of her walks in quite some time. She hadn't slept in even longer. Sure, she eventually collapsed in her lonely apartment at 5 a.m. most mornings only to rise at 8 the same morning. She was plagued by nightmares and those burning questions. Even the gun beside her bed didn't quell the fears and stress that was snowballing as the days went on. She had no doubt that she was reaching the end of her rope.
The worst part was all of the noise, empty words, and empty conversations. Her family all made so much noise without saying anything of substance. Her job was all about listening to people talk about what they had been through or what they had done. Not a single soul actually talked to her, Jane, not Detective- just Jane. She was so lonely that it hurt her to go outside and see everyone so happy. Was she that bad of a person that no one wanted to form a bond with her?
Shaking her head at her weak mentality, Jane checked her phone. It was about 4 am, time to head back. She had spent too much time at the bridge to complete her rotation. Deciding to skip the park and its taunting layout, Jane turned back onto the road that leads to the Hospital. She lived only a mile from there, and sometimes it was refreshing to see people there that were hurting in far worse ways than she was; it made her feel like she would get better eventually.
She waited for the walking man to turn white so she could cross the intersection. Shivering against the cold wind that had started to blow angrily and whip at her stinging face, the raven-haired Detective decided to duck into the hospital vestibule and maybe grab a coffee from their cafe and head back out. She wasn't tired, but the balls of her feet were sore and she knew that she was going to be doing a lot of walking tomorrow at work.
She pushed the button to open the doors and gave the night nurse a curt nod. She had been here many a time and had never had troubles with the staff here; they knew she'd cause no trouble and that she would probably be back in this hospital in the morning following a lead or whatnot.
She walked the lonely hallways and peered into the windows of some of the open rooms. She knew that some of these people wouldn't be on this planet tomorrow and some would give up. She hated feeling sorry for herself so when she did she walked around these corridors to check herself.
Jane pushed open the doors and made her way to the coffee stand. Throwing a quick wave at the 3rd shift cafe worker, Jane sat down and proceeded to remove her shoes and rub her sore feet; maybe she'd invest in some walking shoes, or at least some cushions.
She heard a noise that sounded like a sob mixed with a squeak and turned around to investigate. She saw a doctor with her head resting in her hands and body shaking. Jane knew that this woman was crying and her heart couldn't handle seeing someone that beautiful in pain. Jane put her shoes back on with a groan and made her way over to the coffee stand, pouring a fresh cup for the woman hiding in the corner. Deciding to take the plunge, Jane walked over to the woman and sat down across from her, setting the coffee down in front of the sobbing woman.
"Well Doc, it's official, I'm dying of a broken heart seeing a pretty girl like yourself crying." Jane said, cursing herself for her cheesy, slightly insensitive line. She had no idea why this woman was crying, only that she wanted to make her better.
"Excuse me" The Doctor said straightening up and wiping her eyes on her white coat. "I don't believe I know you. Have we met?"
"Um no, I'm sorry. My name is Jane, Jane Rizzoli. I heard you crying and I just wanted to make sure that you're okay. I don't like seeing people upset, especially at this time of night" Jane said looking into the Doctor's red-rimmed hazel eyes gazing towards hers questioningly.
"Well, Jane, my name is Doctor Maura Isles. I apologize for the public display, I'm just having a hard time adjusting to working overnight; it's very lonely. I mean..I'm already used to being lonely, but here it's like a whole other level. It's too quiet, and every person I interact with doesn't really want to talk to me. I'm sorry, I'm rambling, it's a bad habit I have when I am nervous. Not that you make me nervous, but I haven't spoken to anyone in a few hou-"
"It's okay, I understand Doctor. I'm a Detective and the only time people talk to me, it's either inquiring about if I use the handcuffs outside of work, or if I'll write someone a parking ticket" Jane said with a sad smile. Something about this woman in front of her made her heart flutter. Someone was talking to her, actually talking. She had found someone who wanted to know about Jane Rizzoli.
"Oh, Detective. I'm sorry for misaddressing you earlier; I hope you don't find it rude of me. I'm just having an off night- I'm sorry to have bothered you. Thank you so much for the coffee, I really appreciate it" Maura said smiling at the beauty in front of her. It was nice to have someone ask how she was doing. She wasn't used to being cared about; she was just the bearer of bad news to most folks.
"It's nothing Doctor. Call me Jane. Listen, I have you go; I work in the morning, but maybe we could meet here for coffee this time tomorrow? I come by here every night, and I would appreciate someone to chat with; especially at this lonely hour"
"I would love nothing more Detec-Jane" Maura said smiling at Jane; making the Detective's heart start to defrost after being cold for so long. "I really would appreciate the company. If I may ask, why do you come here at night? Are you working right now?" Maura asked with a tilt of her honey colored waves.
"I think that's more second date material there Doc." Jane said with a wink. Getting up she stuck her hand out towards the Doctor "It was lovely to meet you, I'll see you here tomorrow"
With a tiny wave, Maura led Jane out of the door and they went their separate ways. Jane smiled at the ground. The cold feeling of loneliness was fleeting from her heart, leaving a trail of warmth in it's wake.
At approximately 5:30 a.m. Jane walked through her front door and threw her shoes in a corner. She filled Jo's dish and went to lay down. Instead of those terrible feeling she was used to, all Jane had was warm thoughts about the Doctor she had just befriended. She slipped into a peaceful slumber with a smile on her face. Hopefully, this smile would never go away.