Title: Sex Ed

Author: Gunsmoke N Cigarettes

AN: We're baaack! Did you miss us, dear readers and/or reviewers? Yes, after a long time of not writing and stuff, we are back with a one-shot starring Ed and Faye! Yay! And a PG rating, too! It's a new record! This is a spin off of Competing With Ms. Perfect, that was taken from a chapter we wrote, but in the end got deleted. Basically, Ed walked in on Spike and Faye doing naughty, naughty things! Spike quickly walks out and this is where this takes place.

Summary: Faye and Ed (awkwardly) talk sex. A deleted scene from Competing With Ms. Perfect!

Disclaimer: We do not own Cowboy Bebop. We do however, own this plot! Whoopee!

We now proudly present our feature fil-erm, story: Sex Ed!

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Emerald eyes twitched; sweat trickled down one feminine temple. Faye Valentine was cornered (literally) and she felt her heart beat escalate. Standing in front of her was a monster with bright orange hair and a devious grin. Ferocious golden eyes eyed their prey hungrily.

It was Ed.

But not only did the gun toting seductress have to deal with the prepubescent teenager, she had to deal with her request.

"Pleeeeease, Faye-Faye? Tell Edward what you were doing with Spi-Spi!" The young redhead pleaded, grasping desperately at the vixen by the wrist. "Ed wants to know...Ed needs to know!"

She tried to regain her composure- really, she tried. But the damned girl made it hard to do so. "Edward, please." Faye said tiredly, grasping her forehead with a sigh.

"Please what, Faye-Faye? Ed wants to know why you were eating that thing on Spi-Spi!" The once patient girl pleaded, her amber eyes now filling up with forced tears. When she wanted something, she darn well got it!

Oh dear God! Faye blushed furiously, her eyes closing in embarrassment. "Ok, ok. Just shut the hell up!"

"Faye-Faaaaye!" Edward whined, appearing to be terribly hurt. "Why are you being mean to Edward?"

"Because!" Faye hissed with malice, "When one person- I.E. you- hears moaning, you don't walk in where the two people- AKA Spike and I- are moaning!" She snapped, her mouth tightening into a scowl. "And I know you're acting, Ed. I've pulled that crying part off many times before."

Edward's bottom lip trembled and she began to cry loudly, hoping that somehow within the commotion somebody would come to her aid.

Faye gripped Edward's shirt to her body closely and rolled her eyes. "Ed, if you quiet down I'll tell you what me and Spi-Spi were doing."

Beaming like an insane fool, Edward immediately stopped crying. "Okie-dokes!"

Brushing a few strands of violet hair from her face, Faye began in a serious tone. "We were doing the horizontal bop."

"Oooh, is that a game? Teach it to Edward!" The girl pleaded, latching onto Faye with a vise-like grip.

She let out a chuckle and shook the girl off. "No Ed, it's not a game- well, to me it is- but not to you. It's an act that you perform when you want something or love somebody very much. And no, I will not teach it to you. I'm not a lesbian."

Edward blinked. "So...Ed should do the horizontal bop with somebody like Spi-Spi or Captain Jet-Jet since she loves them like a brother and father-person?"

"No."

"You see Ed, that's called being a pedophile." Faye said, patting the confused girl's head. "And that's considered incest."

"Those don't sound very nice" Edward decided, pausing in order to smile. "But wait! Does that mean that Faye-Faye and Spi-Spi loooove each other? Ooh...there is looooooove onboard the Bebop-Bebop!"

Faye let out an exasperated sigh. "Not love, Ed. That's lust."

"What's that? When you like to eat the thingy on Spike?"

'Jet is going to kill me for this...' She thought inwardly, wincing when Ed opened her mouth wide and made sucking noises.

"Lust is when you get this feeling in the pit of your stomach- like when you see somebody you're attracted to and really want them to kiss you, touch you, etc, etc." Faye explained, growing uncomfortable with the situation.

Edward beamed. "Do you get hungry, too, Faye-Faye? Is that why you were eating Spi-Spi's thingy? Can Ed have a taste? Ed wants to go ask Spi-Spi!"

Faye let out a groan and shut her eyes angrily. They were going nowhere with this little 'chat'. "No. We were having sex, Ed. That's what we were doing!"

"Oooh!" Edward nodded, only to shock the vixen when she began rubbing her hands together. "This is called friction, Faye-Faye...I hear there's lotsa fric-fric-friiiictiooon, and it feels goood! Does it hurt when Spi-Spi jabs you down there?"

She smirked and let out a booming laugh. "We didn't get that far, Ed. You kinda interrupted us."

Edward grinned. "But Faye-Faye and Spi-Spi were happy...happy people make weird noises, right? Or were you in pain? Ed wants to do this, too!"

"If I may interject," Faye hissed, "Spike was the one getting the pleasure. Sometimes you moan while you are 'doing the job' for a guy to get him more excited."

"Oh...does Faye-Faye think Edward can practice on Spi-Spi? Ed wants to make guys happy, too!" the redhead pleaded, grasping onto Faye with excitement. "If Ed gets good, she can please all boys like Faye-Faye!"

Once again, sweat trickled down Faye's forehead and she looked up nervously. Now, she wasn't one for praying- hell, she didn't even believe in God- but Faye desperately wanted some divine intervention, right now!

Noticing her look of panic Edward couldn't help but grow inquisitive. "What's wrong, Faye-Faye? Did Ed do something wrong?"

"Umm…" She let out a strangled gasp and twisted her hands together. "Edward, I don't think Spike would like that very much."

Edward appeared to be hurt. "Why not, Faye-Faye?"

"What did I say about pedophilia?"

"Oh! Ok!" Edward grinned, then spun about before recalling, "Oh...one more thing, Faye-Faye. Are you a virgin like Ed?"

A breathless sigh was scarcely heard before Faye shook her head. "Just be careful, Ed. Your virginity is a terrible thing to lose."

"Why, where did it go?"

She smiled ruefully, "I have no idea but I'd like to find it."

"Well Ed will help you find it, Faye-Faye!" Edward declared, wrapping her spindly arms fondly about her friend. "That is, if Faye-Faye would like Ed to?"

Patting the girl on her head once more, Faye let out a small but sad smile rest on her face and returned the hug. "I'd like that very much."

Taking the vixen's hand in hers, Edward pulled Faye along toward the docking bay, her innocent little mind conjuring up all the places in where her friend's virginity could possibly have gone. Alas, Faye knew it would never be found, and it pained her to realize that Spike could never be her first.

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Well, after being gone for a while, we are back! Yay for us! The next chapter for CWMP or Competing With Ms. Perfect will be up soon, so be on the look out for that!

Signing off,

The-Infamous-Bounty-Hunter and Kendra Luehr!