Title: Existence
Summary: "It was ten years ago, but sometimes it feels like yesterday." 1/1
Category: Angst
Spoilers: Vague mid-S2 spoilers.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The Office does not belong to me.
Existence
He's not as stupid as they think he is.
He knows he's been an ass at times, that he's opened his mouth and said things he shouldn't.
But this she is different. And most of the people he works with weren't here the first time around.
He doesn't even have to close his eyes to remember, although sometimes he gives himself the luxury, when his office door is closed and no one is watching.
It was ten years ago, but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Their desks were close enough that they could roll their eyes behind the boss's back when necessary, but far enough away that they got actual work done. On occasion.
He made his sales calls and instigated most of the office pranks. She sat at her desk and quietly did her work, sometimes smiling or shaking her head at some of his more nefarious deeds.
He loved it when he could make her smile.
He knew it wasn't his job. There was her boyfriend . . . then fiancee. The guy that sometimes gave him a suspicious look or two, but ultimately knew that he had won.
And he did win. He got the girl. And the fancy wedding that he didn't couldn't attend, and the reception where everyone was all smiles but never his smile, the one he could elicit, and the new job in New York with the matching promotion for her that took her away for good.
And he stayed behind, good ol' salesman at Dunder-Mifflin, earning a promotion here and there that he never asked for, wasn't sure he even wanted. But what could he do? He'd moved out of the apartment he shared with a friend, and the money from this new job could help him pay the new, more expensive rent each month. And maybe . . . maybe this promotion was a stepping-stone of sorts. Maybe his New York job was just around the corner. but would he want--would he be able--to work with her again, to see her every day, after all these years?
They still see each other periodically their jobs demand it, but times have changed. He's cracking the same quips, but she's not laughing anymore. It's all business--what Corporate wants, what Corporate thinks should happen, what Corporate is planning for the next quarter.
Even if her name has changed back to its older, more familiar name . . . it's too late. Not that this stops him from trying to recapture the past. Part of him still wishes he could be with her. And that's what hurts the most. If he had opened his mouth back then, if he had said the scary words . . . would he have been the lucky guy? and he would not have divorced her. ever.
He alternates between telling his mom about her and reminding himself that nothing ever happened between them. He scowls one day when she rebuffs him, then has a grin on his face a few weeks later when she spontaneously kisses him. Up and down, back and forth. He loves her, he's been over her for years, he can't stop thinking about her, he wishes they had never met.
The buzzing of the intercom interrupts his thoughts. He opens his eyes. "Pamster!"
"Jan is on line three," she says in a weary voice.
"Excellent, just excellent, Pamaroni." The intercom cuts off before she can respond--she must have accidentally disconnected it, he thinks--and he shrugs his shoulders.
"Jan! Michael Scott here. To what do I owe the pleasure...?" he begins, leaning back in his chair, propping his feet on the desk, closing his eyes.
He loves her, he's been over her for years, he can't stop thinking about her, he wishes they had never met.
---fin---