first of all you need to know that this is not meant to offend anyone who acctualy thinks titanic is sad or likes it alot. that being said I love titanic but I (unlike the rest of the world) think it's hillarious. and my freinds told me (between fits of laughter) that I should share this unique (albiet weird) outlook with others.

so before you read it just know that the Italicized words are my improvisations on what they actually said.

being as I have not memorized the entire movie I am just going though my favorite sceans (most of them are at the end of the movie)

Jack is chained to a pipe and he is having Rose take a practice swing at the desk

Jack: okay now try to hit the same mark again

(rose swings and misses the mark compleatly)

Jack: okay try to get it in one hit okay?

(Jack holds his hand out like a moron and closes his eyes here's what I think is funny Rose then swings the ax while closing her eyes too)

... she closed her eyes and swung...that realy helps the situation

ok this one is better

the ship is sinking it's tilting up and peple are sliding down the deck and hitting things like a living plinko board (LoL Plinko)...you don't get it?...watch reruns of price is right then.

anyway Jack and rose are at the top of the sinking ship 'safe' on the railing a woman is dagling on the other side of the railing well within Roses reach Looking up at her with pleading eyes. Rose just stares at the woman till she falls and dosn't even attemt to help her (evil b-tch)...and they say Rose is innocent.

These are steadily increasing till my favorite hmmm they are also in chronological order...I wonder how that happened...oh well

Rose and Jack are still on the railing (remember that rose is the one with the life jacket)

Jack: okay Rose when the ship goes down it's going to trie and suck us down too I want you to take a deep breath when I say so and whatever you do do not let go of my hand

(remember that as Rose is the one with the life jacket it is his life that depends on the hand holding thing not hers)

Rose nods

Jack:NOW!!!

Rose and Jack take a deep breath and the ship goes down and at the slightes pull Rose lets go of Jacks hand and swims to the surface leaving Jack to drownd.

(not on purpose of course it wouln't be on purpose I mean there's not a single reason she would want him dead you know no reason except the very large dimond in her pocket that she would have to share...gasp!!! did I just suggest that Rose would have murderous intentions toward Jack nooooooooo of course not muahahahahahaha)

okay so now Jack has meraculously sufaced and his first thought is (as all dumb Love struck teenage boys first thought after almost being drownd by the woman he loves is) "Where is Rose?"

ok skipping over his rescue of the helpless Rose they look for somthing to float on so that they don't freeze to death or drowned in the ocean. and they find

duh duh duh daaaaaa

a peice of wood.

they bolth try to climb on it from the same side (the fools) and of course it turnes over. as any sort of small floating vessle will and so they immediatly come to the conclusion (the wrong one I might add) that the wood won't hold them bolth. so Jack come's up with the brilliant Idea that they can take turns and Rose will go first. (heaven forbid that she suffer in the slightest)

no if Jack had Just listened to the winderful back round music he would have realized that this next part was comming and could have avoided it heeeeelllllloooooooooo "my heart will go on with out you" Kinda obvios don't you think?

anyway so now jack is frozen and Rose has missed her turn in the water and is now singing to the sky as she hears the boat comming she rolls over and is surprised to see that Jack is dead. now she attempts to wake him up (I think it was just so he could wave down the boat instead of her). and she can't because he's frozen solid. (here is my most favorite slightly improvised line in the whole movie and it totally makes sense)

Rose: I'll never let go Jack i'll pry your cold dead fingers from my arm and drop you in the ocean

and she proceads to do so with great streangth that she didn't posess before she pries Jack frozen finger off her arm and drops him in the ocean. then jumps in the water and swims to another dead man to rip the whistle off his neck and use it to call the rescue boat to her

go Rose...not!

ok so like sixty years Later she takes the pricless Dimond (which was the reason that Jack was chained to the pole to begin with and had miraculously stayed in the jacket.) and throws it in the ocean

then Dies and goes to heaven where Jack is happy to see her because after all that he still dosn't get that what she did could be consider many counts of attemted homicide.

ok before you comment just know these simple facts

yes I know I have a sick sense of humor

No I don't hate the movie

Yes I think Jack Loved Rose with all his heart (Rose i'm not so sure about)

if you don't think it's funny please feel free to tell me as I said at the begining this is my personal feelings about the movie I won't defend my opinions so don't explain to mr just how wrong I am but please!! please!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! reveiw