Blood and Tears

Manhattan

May 2005

Addison Shepard sat on her bed with phone in hand. On the other side of the bed where her husband should have been, the one good thing out of their marriage was sleeping soundly. Quinn was wrapped in one of her father's shirts, at peace if only for a short while.

The decision had been made; she could not take it back and yet Addison Shepard had not yet gained the strength to tell her daughter that she too would be leaving just like her father.

The next day at JFK was quite possibly the hardest day of her life.

"No Mommy you can't go!" Quinn said sobbing clinging to her mother for dear life as the black town car drove onto the ramp toward JFK.

"Sweetheart I have to go," Addison said stroking her hair. "I'm going to go get Daddy. Don't you want to see Daddy?"

"Take me with you!" the little girl insisted.

"Quinn, you can't go with your mother. You have school tomorrow remember?" said her aunt.

"I don't care!" Quinn exploded, holding onto Addison for dear life.

The car pulled up to the departures terminal. Addison had wanted to say goodbye in the car, but it was clear that Quinn wasn't going to let that happen. Everyone got out and Addison walked inside with Quinn in her arms.

"Pumpkin, I have to go now," Addison whispered in her ear.

"No!" Quinn said, her voice strangled by sobs.

"I'm sorry baby," she said prying Quinn off of her and then handing the little girl to her sister.

"I hate you!" Quinn said dissolving into complete sobs as her mother walked away, fighting back her own sobs.

Addison stood in the NICU almost one week later staring down at her consult, a tiny premature little girl. As she examined the child, Addison tried hard not to think of her own child back at home in Manhattan. Being away from Quinn was almost physically painful. But she would be home soon and all of this would be a bad memory.

However what would be awaiting her upon her return? Quinn, like her parents was angry and rightfully so. But Addison didn't know whether she could handle Quinn's anger. It was not her words that Addison could not handle. Rather it was the anger itself.

Quinn was a happy, well-adjusted seven year-old. She was a gift to her parents, a joy to her family, a kind friend, and a well behaved model student. But it was her capacity to love that made Addison miss her so very much. It was Quinn's extra tight hugs and frequent kisses that had gotten Addison through those first weeks without Derek as the reality of what she had done set in.

And now she was truly alone.

When he left Manhattan, Derek didn't think about his daughter. The rage he felt towards Addison had consumed him. He had to get away, had to put distance between her and his anger.

He had been selfish then. By putting distance between himself and Addison by proxy he had put distance between himself and Quinn.

"Daddy?" Quinn whispered her voice filled with sleep.

"I'm sorry Quinnabear, I didn't mean to wake you," he said brushing stray strands of dark red hair out of her eyes.

"What time is it?"

"Late. Go back to sleep," he kissed her forehead and tucked her in.

"Daddy?"

"Yes princess?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," he kissed her again before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

He took one final look at the door and picked up his bag. And then Derek Shepard left, just like that.

On Manhattan's Upper East Side in a fancy high rise apartment building, a little girl sat on a sofa staring out. From her viewpoint, she could see the Hudson River in the distance. Quinn had done this every night since her mother's departure the previous week and again after her father left.

She was waiting. Somehow Quinn thought that if she sat there long enough her parents would return.

"Quinn," said Carrie Montgomery poking her head out from the den, "Phone for you. It's your mother. Quinn shook her head and Carrie let a small sigh escape from her lips before pressing the phone to her ear, "No Addie, she won't talk to you."

A few minutes later, Carrie came back, "Quinn your dad wants to talk to you." And again Quinn shook her head no. Carrie took one last look at her niece before going back into the den with the phone.

Quinn sat on the sofa looking out for awhile longer before getting up. They weren't coming home tonight. She walked around the sofa and to the right, intending to head through a small archway to her room. That's when she saw it. Against the wall near the archway was a bookshelf. On top of the bookshelf was a family photo taken the last Christmas. In it, Quinn, Addison, and Derek were on the floor of this very same living room opening presents. The floor was littered with wrapping paper, but despite the mess they all were smiling. They were happy then.

But all of it had been a great, big, fat lie.

Quinn felt a serge of anger rush through her as she banged the picture frame against the bookshelf shattering the glass. Several shards flew into the air and one hit Quinn, slicing a small cut into her left index finger. Then she ran to her room and slammed the door.

Quinn Isabella Shepard watched as a small drop of blood rolled off her finger and hit the floor. Her parents were gone and she was alone. Now instead of anger rushing out of her, Quinn felt the tears come hot and fast mingling with the small drops of blood on the carpet.

That's all there was now Blood and tears.