"The only other thing I'll say is that it was no accident to put them in the elevator together in the end. So, we'll have to see where that picks up with them in the season opener." ~Gary Glasberg
Disclaimer: If I owned NCIS Tiva would have happened seven years ago.
Holding Each Other
They had run to the elevator in haste, out of habit, thinking that they had several minutes before the bomb would go off, thinking they had plenty of time to spare, thinking that it couldn't possibly go off as quickly as it did.
They were almost to the bottom floor when they felt the ground jerk violently as a sound like thunder shook the building, throwing them both sideways against the wall. Ziva fell into him and he found his arm wrapping around her waist as he felt the ground come up quickly beside him. She, too, had wrapped her arm around him as they fell, protecting him. An old, familiar gesture, one born out of years of practice.
He reached his arm up to cover her head and his other hand found its way into hers. They clung to each other like lifelines, waiting for the elevator to stop its violent shaking. Had it really been a year ago that he had held her in this same elevator after Mike's death?
I don't think I can take anymore.
Had they really been standing in that same elevator, that day when they brought her back from Somalia? He remembered her broken expression, remembered the pain in his heart as he looked at her empty eyes while Abby hugged her.
You have always had my back.
How many times had they argued in this elevator? Over pointless things now, things that didn't matter anymore.
I'm tired of pretending
How many times had they laughed in here? How many times had they bickered like old married couples in here?
Cherish each other, everyday.
And now they might die here.
He wasn't sure how long they held each other as debris fell from the elevator ceiling around them, minutes, or hours, or maybe days even, all he knew was not to let go of her.
When he felt the shaking stop he lifted his head, and looked over at her, checking for any signs of injury. She sat up slowly, not letting go of Tony's hand.
"Are you okay?" she whispered, her eyes screaming things at him.
"I'm fine, are you?" he whispered back, gently dislodging a piece of metal from her hair.
"I've been in worse explosions, Tony," She smiled weakly but he could see something reflected in her eyes. Something he knew from years of experience not to question at the moment. He needed to make sure she was safe. She had a deep cut above her right eye and her shoulder was going to be deeply bruised in a few hours as far as he could tell but she seemed in no immediate danger.
"All we can do now is wait, I guess. It'll be a while before they can get us out, there are other—other things—to deal with." Other things, dead bodies for one.
She tightened the grip on his hand, but her face had that Mossad ninja look on it that meant she was building walls around herself again.
They sat against the door of the elevator, left with nothing but their thoughts. Tony wished he could simply block out his feelings with a stupid joke, but not a single movie reference could even come to mind. He felt numb, how could this have happened? How many could be dead? He wasn't sure who had left the building. Gibbs being Gibbs had probably gotten as close to the bomb as he could get. Damn you Gibbs. How many times would the boss get blown up before he realized the correct direction to run was away from the bomb? McGee, Abby. Please, please let them be safe. Let them be safe.
He realized he hadn't heard a sound from Ziva in the last few minutes and fear hit him hard in the stomach. He turned to look at her, and he saw that her eyes were closed shut.
"Ziva, hey Ziva!" He let go of her hand and shook her shoulders gently.
"I'm fine," she whispered, not opening her eyes.
He'd seen her like this before. That night in Paris, after she woke up screaming. He had held her that night. Whispered comforting things to her, protected her from her demons. He couldn't protect her now.
She hugged her knees close to her body, trying to hold herself together, trying to drown out whatever thoughts were running through her head.
"Ziva, it's going to be okay," He said giving her hand a small squeeze.
And that was enough to shatter her carefully built walls.
She looked up at him and the carefully constructed mask she had put on slowly disappeared. "I'm scared, Tony," She said quietly. It was amazing how fast he could break through her defenses, how he could get her to admit things she would not dare say to anyone else.
. "They'll get us out, Ziva."
She looked up at him, her empty face not quite hiding pain in her eyes. "I'm not scared for myself, Tony." She took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm scared for everyone else."
Tony understood what she meant the moment the words left her lips. Other things, dead bodies for one. They had both lost so much already.
"Abby will have left her lab, Gibbs wouldn't have left her in the building. She's safe, I'm sure." He said, trying to convince himself as much as Ziva. "And McGeek is fine, he probably left with everyone else." McGee if you're dead because you tried to take your entire computer with you, I will kill you. "And Gibbs he's—he's fine." Ziva didn't have to say anything. They both knew. They were thinking the same thing. That Gibbs being Gibbs, would never have waited for the bomb squad to come.
"At least Jimmy and Ducky are safe." She murmured, almost to herself.
"They're probably dancing together at Jimmy's wedding right now. I'd almost wish I'd gone, I'd kill to see a drunk Ducky." Ziva smiled, though her lip trembled.
She looked at the wall across from them, her eyes in a distant place. "Before I came to NCIS, lives meant nothing to me. People died everyday—I killed almost everyday." She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "If a fellow Mossad agent died, no tears were shed, people would simply replace them and everyone would move on by the next day. I could not comprehend why you were all upset over Kate's death when I first came. It confused me."
Tony felt a hard knot in the pit of his stomach. Kate. Please don't let anyone be another Kate. Let them be alive. How many more would die? Kate, Jenny, Paula, Mike.
Ziva looked up at Tony, and saw the pain reflected in his eyes. She scooted closer to him and rubbed her thumb over his palm reassuringly.
"But then I came to NCIS," she continued, "And I began to see what a family was. When I was held hostage," her voice became quieter, "I did not expect anyone to come for me. My Mossad life was still drilled into my mind, nobody cared when somebody died. Why should anyone care if I was dead?" She closed her eyes and tried to keep her mind from going back to that dark place. "But you came Tony. My family came for me. And though I had known it long before, I think I had finally realized that day what you all meant to me. Before I had seen it as weakness to cry over somebody who I'd lost. But you guys taught me that I was wrong." She looked up at Tony, "And I don't want to lose anyone now" Her voice broke on the last word.
He had felt his heart shatter again and again for her as she spoke. He didn't know what he would do without her.
"I didn't think we were ever going to recover when we lost Kate," He said quietly. "But then you came along and made the team whole again." He put his hand gently on her cheek, as he did a year ago, "We made it through when Jenny died. And when Mike died. And we're going to make it through this." He dropped his hand and wrapped his arm around her gently. She leaned her head against his chest and took in his familiar, comforting scent, feeling safe for the first time that day.
They couldn't know that they wouldn't lose someone today. And they couldn't know that it was going to be okay. All they could do was hold each other in that elevator, and wait for the storm to pass.