Still

Sometimes, I wish we could just pause time, stop it and admire all what we have, because in the space of a second, everything could change. That's what happened to me. I lost him. In a split second, he changed. He changed everything, his attitude, his appearance, and his mind.

We were so happy together, we would tell each other stories, our dreams, our secrets, everything there was to tell, now, we don't even speak. I cannot tell you how many times I have wished I could go back and change everything, how long I have waited for him to go back to his normal self, and sometimes he shows signs of that, but then other times, it looks likes its impossible for him to go back to the way he was. And that kills me inside to know that the man I loved is not there anymore. Being without him was hard as he was the one I went to with everything, every little problem, when I was scared, when I needed a shoulder to cry and especially when I needed to feel loved.

We were young when we met, it was summer 04 and I was having the best time any 14 year old could have.

I was out on my front lawn with my little brother playing in the sprinklers, I may have been 14 but I was a child at heart. I laughed and I skipped and I jumped everywhere. I didn't walk as I thought walking was to slow and boring, life was much more exciting with a bounce to it. Then, a boy a little older than me, maybe 16 stopped in front of our house on his bike and smiled over to me. I recognised him from school. I smiled back and continued to play with my brother, but I didn't jump around as much as I was a little afraid I was fall and embarrass myself. And of course, I did exactly that. I groaned and sat up only to see that he was kneeling over me. "Are you ok?" he questioned worriedly as he took my hand and pulled me up gently from the wet ground. I nodded and brushed the wet mug off my bare leg. "Im fine, thank you" I didn't meet his eye because then he would be able to see how red my cheeks were at that moment of time. "Well, ok, it was nice seeing you, I'll catch you around" I nodded and smiled as he climbed back onto his bike and rode off.

And he kept his word. I saw him numerous times that summer, each time I managed not to make a fool of myself, only on the odd occasion did I trip over things, but luckily he always caught me. Soon enough we were great friends. We would hang out together after school, at school and on the weekends, we could never get bored of each other. And not to long later we began dating, I was 15 when it happened at he was 17, my parents didn't approve at first but once they saw how much I liked him and what a gentlemen he was, the had to agree.

But thinking back now, I wished I had listened to them when they first told me "We just don't want you to get hurt sweetheart".

So now, here I was just sitting in my apartment staring at the ceiling reminiscing about the past. I sighed and ran my fingers through my messy hair as I felt a few odd tears fall down my face. I hated the fact that he had changed so suddenly, I hated that he had gotten in with the wrong crowd and left me in the shadows. My heart ached as I thought back to the time when he had completely shut me out of his life.

"Hey Shane, we still on for movie night?" I asked I smiled at him.

I saw him look at his smirking friends then back to me. He scratched the back of his head nervously and shook his head. "Err, I can't tonight, maybe some other time"

I shrugged. "Ok, Sure, that's fine" I then walked away leaving him and his friends to gossip about whatever they gossiped about. The thing is, it wasn't fine, and it was never going to be fine, not until he was himself again. .

I sighed and I sat up. Thinking about this wasn't helping anything; it was making things a whole lot worse. I could feel the aching pain in my chest grow as I sat there a little longer. Deciding I had felt enough pain for one night I decided to try and go to sleep even though it was still to early.

As I was lying there, trying to get to sleep I started thinking to myself. It had been 3 years since I had seen him in person, 3 years since I had spoke to him properly, and three years of just wishing the old Shane would find his way back to me. I honestly thought I could get over him, not straight away, but seeing as I was now 20, I thought I could move on with my life, find someone new, be happy, but everything just seemed easier said than done. Life threw these situations at you and it was all like a, learn as you go process. There were no instruction guides to help you through the tough times in life; no one was there to guide you through every issue that popped up. No, things were never that easy, not for anyone, especially me. I wished I could say I haven't cried over him, I wished I could say im not crumbling on the inside, and I wished I could say that I didn't care if Shane went back to the way he was before because I did care, all to much, and that's where it all stopped, I cared about him, so much but to him, I meant nothing. He made that clear because of the many times he lied to me and pushed me away.

I knew I shouldn't be hanging onto the past, but there was something about it that made it worth hanging onto maybe just a little bit longer. I remembered how the old Shane would but me flowers, kiss me when I cried, sung to me when I couldn't sleep and the memory I held closest to me was the memory of him loving me back. I sometimes wish im living in a world of make believe, a place where you can just dance around without a care in the world and do whatever the hell you want. I wish prince charming were real too, that would be nice. But they were all distant dreams of mine, dreams that could never be fulfilled. It hurt to know that I didn't speak to Shane anymore.

I cant tell you the amount of times I have wished I had the balls to call him up and demand an explanation to his dickish behaviour. But every time I got to dial his number, I freeze up and just put the phone back in my pocket.

I suddenly felt very claustrophobic in my room. I decided to take a walk.

I pulled on my coat and left the house, walking down the road with my head down and hands in my pockets. I ignored the people that surrounded me, I tried to drown out their loud conversations, I hated the sound of sirens and car horns at night, it made it so busy and crowded. I preferred peaceful nights, ones where you can just look up at the stars. I then remembered a place I hadn't been to since I was with Shane. I began to sprint of down the sidewalk and into the trees at the very end. Luckily the sun was just setting and I could still see where I was walking. After 10 minutes of hurried walking, I reached my destination.

I looked around and the large open field. I smiled and looked around. I then squinted my eyes slightly as I saw a car and someone sitting on the hood of it. Walking closer I began to make out the car. It was a banged up old red Chevy. I instantly knew who it was and my breath caught in my throat as the name processed though my mind. It was Shane. I smiled. He remembered this place, I had took him here four years ago. I slowly began to walk towards him and his truck. When I got to him, I hopped up onto the hood of his car and turned my head to look at him. He looked at me and smiled. "I was hoping one day you'd come" I smiled a small smile and turned my gaze forward. He had been waiting for me, hoping I would come to this very place so he could see me.

I looked back over to him after 5 minutes of silence. "How have you been?" I asked softly. He nodded. "I've been ok, I've missed you". The way he looked at me felt like it had set off a thousand butterflies within me. I blushed slightly and nodded. "I've missed you to". I felt him place his hand over mine as we continued to look ahead of us. I snatched a quick glance at our hands and turned mine over so he could entwine out fingers. And he did exactly that. I felt my cheeks flush with colour as he brought my hand to his lips and feathered it with his kisses. "Im sorry" I heard him whisper as he closed his eyes. I nodded. "It's ok" and I meant that. I know I was giving in easy but I loved him and I wasn't just going to let him go, not again because if I did, I didn't know if I could survive that. We spent the rest of the night sitting on the hood of his car staring at the stars, talking and thinking back to the past. But this time, it was all good memories.

That night I wished at that moment, I could make the world stop still, just for a moment so I could reassure myself that it wasn't a dream. But Shane managed to show me that when he placed a small kiss on my cold lips. And for once I felt like things were going to have a happy turn out.

For once I believed that people could have happy ending and prince charms. I knew then and there what my future would be, my own little world, and he would be involved in it. He would be my future. Im glad now that I didn't get over him, like I wanted to. Im glad I didn't hate him no matter how much I tried. Im just glad I have finally gotten the old Shane back. And all I had to do was wait. I knew he was still there, somewhere. And finally, he was back again. Hopefully, this time, for good.

Hope you enjoyed that little one shot (: reviews please xx thank you

Chels x