TITLE: "Frown"
AUTHOR: pyjamarama_girl
FEEDBACK: Yes please ;-)
SUMMARY: Post LMPTM chat between Spike and Xander.
RATING: PG-13.

Xander was deep in thought when Spike's heavy footsteps interrupted his contemplation, and the vampire found him on the porch steps.

"What's going on Harris?" asked Spike as he sat down next to him.

"Just trying to work something out is all. I hate you, by the way." Replied Xander, without even lifting his head to meets Spike's gaze.

"Never doubted that," replied Spike dryly. "Care to tell me what I've got to do with your mental constipation?"

"Angel, Angelus," stated Xander, frowning.

"Uh, wrong souled vampire, mate. Spike here, remember?"

"Yeah. I remember, and that's the problem," said Xander, his brow creasing even more.

Spike sighed and stretched his legs out before him.

"Get over it, whelp. I'm back with soul, and here to stay. At least until Buffy doesn't need the extra pair of hands any more. You've got to just deal with the fact I'm here."

"Yeah, I know. You're here, and you're Spike."

Spike watched Xander for a moment, seeing his brow knotted in concentration, and the confusion flit across his face. God knows what was going on in that head of his.

"All right, I give up. What the hell has got you so wrapped up?"

"Angel, Angelus," Xander repeated causing Spike to roll his eyes. "Yet you're just Spike. No change. Buffy's the only one who's forgiven your past sins, pre-soul, and you're still Spike. Just Spike."

"Christ, I get it. I'm Spike. And for the record, I think Red is just fine with me these days. Then again, considering the year she's had, it shouldn't be a surprise really."

"But you're Spike, and I can't get over that."

"Well what the bloody hell was you expecting? I've always been Spike, you nonce."

"Exactly my point!" cried Xander. "Shouldn't you morph into something else? We can hardly refer to your past vampire life as Spikelus, because it's too sad for words. So what are you now? You just seem like Spike. Crazy Spike, controlled Spike, but Spike all the same. There was no change, and I don't understand why."

"William," said Spike softly. "For a while there, I was William. I was completely off my bird, but William none the less."

They sat there in silence for a while. They were two men wearing matching frowns, sitting on the steps in the dark. An outsider would wonder just what had these two young men so concerned, but would never guess the conversation that was going on.
"The fact is, I think I was William before the sodding soul. Can't think of another explanation for me seeking the damn thing out."

"Well, there is your track record for not thinking things through. Your spur of the moment plans are kind of infamous," noted Xander, causing Spike to snort.

"Yeah, suppose you're right. I got the soul, and went barmy. Like, you have no idea. What you saw? Tip of the bloody iceberg. How much of it was thanks to Firsty, and how much of it was just souled up insanity, I've got no idea. But Buffy, she brought me back."

That last statement caused Xander to snort loudly, accompanied by an over-exaggerated eye roll. Spike just shook his head.

"Look, Slayer asked for old Spike back, so here he is. How much of it is real? That's up for debate. The fact is, I still don't sleep, and I count my victims whenever there's a lull in the activity."

"Including Buffy?"

"Of course including Buffy. Think she might have been the worst one. Her and Harmony."

Xander couldn't take it any more, and howled with laughter.

"The souled vampire, feeling the pain of poor Harmony Kendell? Oh, you really are William, aren't you?"

"That's what I've been saying, innit? Sodding pathetic. How the mighty have fallen."

"Spike. You were never mighty. You were always just…"

"Spike?" supplied the vampire.

"Yeah, pretty much," agreed Xander with a sigh.