February 8- Criminal Minds, Derek Morgan/Penelope Garcia: near death experience - I could have lost you
Derek knew something was terribly wrong from the moment Hotch answered his cell phone. He came up from where he was lounging in the airplane seat, his whole body stiffening. Derek instantly thought it was Haley or his son, but then he hung up and looked straight at him.
"Garcia's been shot."
Three words sent off a flutter of action, Hotch telling them everything he knew. That Garcia had been on a date and that the man had shot her in the chest at point blank range. That the man had gotten away, they didn't know who he was. That no one had been around and by the time the ambulance got there, she'd lost a lot of blood.
That she was in surgery and that she had never woken up on the way to the hospital.
When he finished everyone got moving--J.J. called to find out what the media knew, Hotch called Strauss to see what she knew, Rossi, and Reid figured out the fastest way to get to the hospital when they landed and Prentiss called the hospital back to make sure there was nothing Hotch had missed.
And he...he sat there; he sat and stared and tried to remember how to get his body to move.
She'd gone on the date, probably without even checking the guy out. Why? Because he'd fucked it all up. She'd needed him, needed him to listen, to hear her, but all he'd heard was his own jealousy telling him to keep her all to himself. And that jealousy had gotten her shot...maybe killed her.
He had killed her.
"Derek," Hotch said, leaning beside him, "She's going to be okay. Garcia's tough."
Derek said nothing, only stared ahead, "When...when we get to the hospital...I'm not leaving until she wakes up."
Hotch nodded, "Whatever you need."
He needed to see Penelope, needed her to wake up and forgive him. Needed her to wake up so he could fix this.
He just needed her.
&&&&&&
He tells her this when she wakes up, well, he tells her in his mind, says it a thousand times a minute until its all he hears.
In reality, he doesn't tell her, he strokes her face, holds a mirror so she can fix her make up, pulls a brush through her hair, does whatever she needs, but he never tells her what she really needs to hear, what he really needs to say.
He doesn't tell her the day she gets out of the hospital, the day they catch the bastard who shot her, the day she comes back to work or the day she finishes her physical therapy.
Not telling her eats at him, driving him slowly crazy, making him wake at 2am in a cold sweat believing that she'd died on the table and he hadn't been with her. That he'd screwed up his one chance.
He found excuses for staying on her couch over night. He'd let her fall asleep against him as they watched a movie, or had too many beers so she wouldn't want him to drive, or anything he could think of at the moment so he could be close enough to hear her breathe all night.
He calls her constantly when they are out on a case, at least once an hour if not more. He gets a sick feeling in his stomach when he can't get in that call—his palms sweat and his neck itches and it doesn't stop until he hears her voice.
He doesn't know how much more he can take before he goes completely crazy.
&&&&&&
He breaks on a Friday, while they are snuggled on the couch watching i The Princess Bride. /i Penelope got up for more popcorn and the loss of her against him drives the words from his mouth, "Pen, I love you."
She stops suddenly and turns back to him. For a full minute she says nothing, just stares at him. Then she smiles, "It's about time you said it gorgeous, I've been waiting long enough." She starts walking again, stops again, "Oh yeah, I love you too."
He smiles and feels a huge weight lift off his chance. It took almost losing her to do it, but he'd finally found his Penelope.