BLAME THE SQUIRREL
a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic
Summary
Set in present day. American-born Oxford student Astra Gorlois has a valid reason to hate squirrels. After a squirrel steals her arrow at the archery range, Astra follows the demonic rodent into the English forest. Little did she know, she ends up in a land called Narnia, ruled by King Caspian X. Chaos ensues in the Cair Paravel court, along with unfulfilled expectations, romance, and the broadening of Caspian's vocabulary.
Author's Note
I am trying as much as possible to stick to C.S. Lewis's books and not the movie. However, I have adopted a few details from the movie Prince Caspian. I am keeping the Susan-Caspian romance and I'm changing Caspian's age. In the book, he is 14 at his coronation and begins his voyage to search for the 7 great lords who were exiled by Miraz almost three years later. I am bumping up Caspian's age by three years, making him 17 at his coronation and almost 20 when he begins his voyage. Otherwise, I am trying to stick to the books as much as possible. Hate to break it to everyone, but Caspian is blonde. I know, I liked the tall, dark, and handsome guy in the movie, too, but it is time to hit the books. Below is my timeline, if you are confused.
Timeline
NOTE- my changes to C.S. Lewis's timeline are in italics
2303 Prince Caspian X (age 14) (age 17) is crowned King of Narnia and begins to rebuild Cair Paravel. He swears at his coronation that once peace is established in Narnia, he will sail east for a year and a day in attempt to find the 7 great lords exiled by Miraz (Lords Restimar, Bern, Rhoop, Octesian, Marramorn, Renlian, and Argoz).
2304 The Northern giants are defeated by Caspian (age 15) (age 18).
2305 Two years and eleven months (age 16) (age 19) after his coronation, Caspian sets off on the voyage to the end of the world.
2306 Caspian (age 17) (age 20) meets with Edmund, Lucy, and Eustace on his voyage
2307 Four years and one day after his coronation, Caspian (age 18) (age 21) reaches the Beginning of the End of the world, where he finds the 3 Sleeping Lords (Argoz, Revilian, and Marramorn) and meets the star's daughter (Ramandu's daughter).
2310 Caspian (age 21) (age 24) returns to Narnia and marries Ramandu's daughter.
THANKS A BUNCH TO BEAN AND SHELLANS AND WIKIPEDIA FOR HELPING ME GET THE TIMELINE STRAIGHT!!!
Thank you Princess Lucille and josephineb for suggesting to combine my author's note and the first chapter. Apparently fanfic gets mad at author's notes standing alone as chapters.
BLAME THE SQUIRREL
a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic
CHAPTER 1: For the Love of Shiny Objects
It was far too early to be awake and talking to squirrels.
"First, you take my bagel. And now, you have my arrow. This. Is. WAR!" Astra Gorlois leapt after the demonic squirrel, chasing it into the forest. It was funny to think that just a few minutes earlier she was leaning against the window of the Oxford campus bus, watching the trees whip past outside, the fog swirling behind them.
It was seven o'clock in the morning and Astra had to get in some practice at the archery range before heading to her job at the stables, before catching the bus five miles back into the Oxford campus and dashing to her comparative literature class. The bus stopped and Astra dragged herself off the bus, her bag slumped over her shoulders.
The archery range had an ominous feel to it, with the fog draped over the ground. Astra loved the foggy English mornings, reminiscent of her home in Monterey, California. She walked over to the lockers, using her key to get out her bow and arrows. She stretched her arm muscles, protesting to herself, yet remembered that her archery was half the reason why she landed herself in Oxford. Her mother was an alumnus and her grades were perfect, but her athletic ability and desire to get out of her sheltered home were the hooks to her acceptance. Astra ate her bagel on a nearby stump, happy that the archery range was completely empty. Dressed in her riding boots, breeches, and a loose long-sleeved shirt, Astra was still chilled, so she pulled on a beanie, stuffing her brown hair in the cap, and donned her father's old fedora. With the cap on, she felt instantly at ease, and strung her first arrow on the bow. With a zing, it nailed the bull's-eye on the target. Archery came to her easily, obscenely easily. Astra found it amusingly boring, if that was at all possible. Thus, with great monotony, she shot arrow after arrow into the targets, hitting with precision and accuracy.
Blocking out the tickle in her sore throat from a lingering cold, she fell in her zone, with nothing on her mind except the target, until she decided to take a break to finish the rest of her bagel. However, the bagel was gone.
"Damn," she muttered. "Where did I put it?" She heard the rustle of leaves and looked over to find a fat squirrel with the last chunk of her bagel between his little paws.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" The squirrel made a chirp and shoved the entire morsel in his mouth, his cheeks bulging.
"You would be so cute if that wasn't my bagel you just ate. You know what, my little squirrel friend? You suck!" she cried at the squirrel, kicking a clod of dirt at him. The squirrel darted away as Astra cussed under her breath. She was about to return to her archery when she saw the squirrel inching closer.
"What's your freaking problem?" she screeched, her voice cracking, sending her into a fit of hacking coughs. The squirrel lifted himself onto two legs sniffing the air. "You ate my breakfast! If I had any food left, I would be eating it right now, because I'm hungry." The squirrel dejectedly dropped down to all four paws and sat himself on the stump.
"Oh, now you're saaaad!" crooned Astra. "Too friggin' bad!" The squirrel cocked his head. "Wow. I am talking to a squirrel," muttered Astra under her breath, looking around to see if anyone had seen her moment of insanity. Fortunately the archery range was still empty. Protectively, Astra grabbed her book bag. "You may take my bagel, but you can't have my homework," she told the squirrel with a glare. She warily collected her arrows, which was easier said than done when she was carrying her book bag, arrow sachet, and bow. Fairly sure she had collected the last one, Astra turned around to see the squirrel glancing at his reflection in the arrow.
"Oh, for the love of shiny objects," she whimpered to herself. "Uh, hi, um Mr. Squirrel Friend Buddy Ol' Pal! Do you, um, mind if you just take a few steps away from that very, very expensive arrow." The squirrel cooed. "It doesn't even taste good. I tried it, actually, um, yesterday and it tasted bad. Very, very bad. So, um, ha ha, you don't really want it." With that, the squirrel grabbed the arrow between his teeth. "Well, um, let's not be too rash about this, my squirrely friend. I mean, how far are you even going to get with that thing? To be perfectly honest, you aren't the slimmest of squirrels." A low rumble came from the squirrel. "And I mean that in a non-personal way. It's nothing personal whatsoever. I, in fact, think that you are about as handsome and trim as squirrels come." The squirrel stopped his growling. "There, there, um, why can't we be friends? Just, um, hand over the arrow. Please?" The squirrel shrunk back. "Okay, I'm done being nice and playing your stupid games."
And that was how Astra found herself tearing through the forest after a very fat squirrel who moved far too quickly for his weight.
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