A SINISTER FAIRYTALE
Full Summary: Arthur Kirkland is an evil sorcerer living in a dark gloomy castle, and runs his infamous magic club. Together with his equally devious brother Alfred, they keep nations who can best serve them as slaves while mercilessly praying on others. Is there any way out of this situation? Find out! (A quite terrible story, some pairings included, all spiced up with some dark humor, Romanian style. A bit crack. Okay, a bit more) Magic!England, Evil!America, Vampire!Romania, Sweet!Hungary - that's new :)).
Chapter 1
The very few blue flamed candles enveloped the Laboratory Tower in an eerie light, shadows dancing ominously over the countless shelves filled with books, jars of dubious contents and whatnot.
"Let's see now – eye of newt, dried snake skin powder, three drops of wild bore blood… "Arthur enumerated, stooping over a large boiling cauldron and mixing in it with a large silver spoon. "Almost there, almost there…" he mumbled to himself before realizing there was something missing.
"Damn it Lukas! You forgot giant moth wings! Get up there and get them!" he suddenly shouted annoyed.
The trembling Norwegian scrambled up a tiny wooden ladder, doing his best to keep his balance while trying to reach an upper shelf. The fact that he could see nothing in the obscurity Arthur always insisted upon when working also didn't help.
"Hey, better let me get them, before you fall and break your neck" A husky voice came from below, and he glanced down to meet the vampire's red glowing orbs staring at him.
"Thanks, b-but he asked me and you know how h-he is when I don't do-"Lukas stuttered, reaching for the jar. Just as his fingers closed around it, the blonde lost his footing and collapsed, only to land into a pair of lithe but surprisingly strong arms.
"Er… thanks mate" he said still shaking.
"With pleasure" the Romanian replied with a brief grin.
"When you two are finished with your romantic moment, I need those damned giant moth wings, you useless, bloody gits!" Arthur yelled.
When the last ingredient was finally added, he solemnly smoothed the folds of his Harry-Potter-like black robes and began reading a complicated incantation in a language no one else understood. He then placed the book down on the table beside him and used the long spoon to fill a goblet which he then held up proudly.
"Now, this is a very powerful potion called Fortifice Major. It grants unexpected powers to the one who drinks it, so that he becomes invincible! Back in the Middle Ages it was a specialty of the Borgias…" he explained.
Lukas thought that the Borgias used to make poisons, but he kept his mouth shut, since the Englishman could not stand being contradicted. Instead he just watched at Arthur proceeded to down the drink and something like a small poof occurred.
"See? I already feel so much more powerful!" the wizard said stretching his arms. "Well, Lukas?"
"M-master, your face… is so much more… s-scary. And you look like a giant… giant… um…"
"Well? What do you think, Dragos?" he then turned to the Romanian servant.
"Like a giant… cucumber. You know, all green and bulbous and stuff…" the vampire explained and then burst into laughter before he could refrain himself. Lukas nodded weakly, trying to shrink as much as possible.
"WHAT? How dare you laugh at me, you fangy wanker?!" Arthur yelled, his thick eyebrows twitching, grabbing his wand from the table and pointing it at the culprit. "I curse you!"
But the vampire quickly transformed into a bat and flew away, out of his reach, with a laughter-like squeak.
"DRAGOS! GET BACK HERE! Don't you dare run away from me, you bloody bastard!" the Englishman continued to scream, while Lukas also made himself scarce at top speed.
Okay so this was one of those moments when Arthur's spells would go wrong, down straight fucked up as some may say, but unfortunately most of the times they did work. This was how he'd managed to force Norway and Romania into becoming assistants for his sinister magic club, Hungary to work as his cook – although much to her horror poor Elizabeta had to cook his favorite dishes - and many others to attend around his huge gloomy castle. He and Alfred drew their evil magic powers mostly from preying on countless defenseless people, well actually eating them… while the other nations kept away, terrified.
Meanwhile, Arthur raced down the stairs of the Laboratory Tower, and then on several intricate corridors, scaring the shit out of anyone that had the misfortune of being in his way.
"Dude, you look weird! It's not like, permanent is it?" his brother laughed as he passed through a large living room.
"Oh shut the hell up!"
Eventually, the Englishman reached his target – the kitchen, and stormed in furiously, slamming the two large wooden doors open.
"Alright, where's that damned bastard? Hiding in here?" he shouted impatiently.
The sudden commotion startled Elizabeta, who turned around in surprise. Upon observing her master's new appearance, her pretty face twisted into an amused grimace as she slapped a hand over her mouth and unsuccessfully tried to make the laughter fit sound like a sudden violent cough.
"Arrrrgh! Where's Dragos?" Arthur yelled in extreme frustration. "I swear I'll tear him to pieces when I get my hands on him!"
Elizabeta flinched, frightened, and her smile disappeared instantly. "Oh… um… did he do that to you Master?"
"Oh I bet he'd like that! He laughed at me! How dares he laugh at ME? Anyone who laughs at me will feel my wrath!"
He suddenly eyed her intently and the poor girl shuddered in horror. "And you! You laughed at me too, think I didn't see that? I will punish you"
"Master, no p-please! Have mercy on me, please!" she cried dropping to her knees.
The wizard's features softened to some extent and he waved his hand, bored. "Alright, alright, I suppose I can be merciful this time… Therefore you'll go clean the dungeons, before the new lot of prisoners arrives!" he then chuckled maliciously.
Elizabeta sighed in resignation.
Okay so I was bored and in the mood for some crack… so there it is. Maybe let me know what you think? Hugs, kisses and a pillow full of fleas for everyone :)))