Music swirled among the sounds of animated conversation as Harm and Mac stepped into the warmly lit restaurant. Quickly surveying the room, Mac spied an equal mixture of large groups, presumably families, and romantic pairings.
"The Rabb party." Harm said to the host.
"Ah! Yes. We are ready for you, Commander Rabb." nodded the host.
As she followed the host with Harm behind her, Mac thought it was strange that the host had not brought any menus with him. Although she and Harm had been here before, they had never come on a Saturday evening. She quickly glanced back at Harm whose smile was beaming from ear to ear. Something was definitely up.
The host had led them through the throngs of guests to the back. Mac wondered how it was that she'd never been in this part of the restaurant before. Maybe it was only open on the weekends. Another look at Harm revealed his expression to be ever more reminiscent of the proverbial cat that ate the canary. She was just about to ask him what was going on when the host stopped at a set of double doors and waited for them to come beside him.
"Enjoy your evening." he said, pushing both doors open.
"Surprise!" shouted a roomful of people as Mac and Harm stepped in and the doors closed behind them.
"Happy Birthday, Colonel." the Admiral said, stepping forward to show her to the head of the table.
Tiner, Coates, Meredith, Sturgis, and Bobbi Latham all added their best wishes as she and Harm took their seats. Mac was overwhelmed by the outpouring from her friends and now she knew the reason behind Harm's devilish grin. He was seated to her right, still obviously pleased with himself for successfully surprising her. She leaned over and whispered, "This is what you call a quiet birthday dinner?"
"I don't think they're being that noisy." Harm responded in mock seriousness.
At this point, Mac noticed that the seat to her left was empty and the Roberts weren't here.
"Are Harriet and Bud coming?" Mac asked, to no one in particular.
The Admiral responded, "The Roberts have been delayed picking up the Commander's birthday gift for you."
Mac turned her attention to Harm, "I thought I told you 'no gifts' this year."
"Technically, I don't think it is a gift." he said mysteriously. "Gifts are something you get to keep and you don't get to keep this."
Mac studied his expression momentarily, but was unable to glean a clue from it. She shook her head in bewilderment and turned her attention to the salad the waiter had just placed in front of her.
The next moment was a whirlwind. She heard voices behind her that she recognized as Bud and Harriet, Harm's face lit up with that self-satisfied smile again and Mac's eyes were covered by two small hands.
"Guess who?" squeaked a familiar voice in barely contained excitement.
Mac pulled the hands away from her eyes and whipped around.
"Chloe!" Mac exclaimed, embracing the young girl she had befriended in the little sister program years ago. They hadn't seen one another in over a year.
"What are you doing here?" Mac asked in wonderment.
"I'm here for your birthday."
Mac looked knowingly at Harm while the Roberts situated little A.J. in a booster seat at the other end of the table. "You did this?" she asked.
Harm raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders in a 'who me?' kind of way, but Mac knew. She hugged Chloe one more time before they both sat down.
While the Admiral was introducing Chloe to PFC Coates, Mac whispered to Harm, "I owe you for this."
Harm replied with a broad smile and a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "While I very much like the idea of you being indebted to me, and I can think of a number of very interesting ways to pay off that debt, it wouldn't be much of a gift if you paid me back, now would it?"
Mac smiled at his innuendo, but she was also overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness and generosity. "Harm. This is too much. The party. Chloe."
"Nonsense."
Before she could say anything else, Harm had engaged Chloe in a conversation about the flight. Mac settled back to enjoy the companionship of the friends that were her family.
"Mac, how about I make some popcorn for us to munch on while we gab?" Chloe asked as they entered her apartment. Mac and Harm just looked at one another in amazement.
"How could you eat anything after that big dinner?" Mac asked her.
"Popcorn isn't really eating."
Mac chuckled and said, "Okay, hun. Everything is still in the same place."
Chloe turned toward the kitchen, but Harm grabbed her arm. "Hey, there. Don't I get a goodbye?"
"You're not staying?" she asked in surprise.
"Uhh. Nooo. A night of girl talk doesn't interest me." Focusing his attention on Chloe, he added, "But it was good to see you again."
"It's good to be back. Thank you so much for bringing me here." Chloe said, stepping forward to hug Harm.
When they pulled apart, Harm dropped a kiss on her forehead and said, "You're very welcome." She beamed at him before heading to the kitchen.
Harm straightened up and watched her depart.
"You're sure you won't stay?" Mac asked quietly as she moved along side of him. "We can save our 'girl talk' for tomorrow."
"No way." he stated emphatically while moving toward the door.
Mac stopped him at the door. "Harm, I don't know how to thank you for tonight. No one has ever done anything like this..."
"Just have a good time." Harm interrupted in a soft but purposeful voice.
"Damn it, Harm. I know you don't like warm, mushy moments, but you're going to get thanked whether you like it or not."
Before he had time to blink, she slid her arms around his neck and kissed him. She had meant for it to be a light, friendly kiss, similar to others they had shared. Once her lips touched his, however, she could not hold back the passion his thoughtfulness had aroused. A moment later, she pulled back, unnerved by her own impulsiveness. "Thank you." she whispered breathlessly.
Gazing into Harm's eyes at that moment, Mac wanted time to stand still. But, she knew it wouldn't. She moved to step away from him, but Harm pulled her back and his lips found hers in a soft, full kiss. Lifting his head, he whispered, "Your welcome."
They stood motionless, eyes fixed on one another. Neither one wanting to move and neither one knowing what to do next.
"Mac! Do you want soda or water?" Chloe shouted from the kitchen.
The spell was broken along with their embrace.
"Good night, birthday girl." he said, opening the door.
"Good night, Harm." she responded softly.
He smiled at her, his eyes brimming with affection, and then he was gone.
"Are you all set?" Harm queried over the phone.
"Yes, when will you be here?" Mac answered.
"I'm parking right now."
Mac walked to her window and peered through the sheers to see Harm's SUV pulling toward the curb.
"Are you sure you can manage on your own?" he asked.
"Harm, I'm a Marine. I can handle my own equipment." she answered in mock exasperation.
"I know that. It just doesn't feel right not to help. But I don't want to leave little A.J. in the car, and getting him to settle down was a chore."
"Harm. It's alright. I'm on my way down." Mac hung up the phone, slung her duffel bag over her shoulder and headed for Harm's SUV. He popped out of the vehicle when he saw her and opened the back passenger door.
"The back's full." he said matter-of-factly, taking the bag from her. He placed it in the seat next to A.J., who was strapped into a booster chair behind the driver's seat.
Mac climbed into the seat beside Harm and peeked into the back.
"Hello, little fellow." she cooed.
A.J. smiled briefly at her but his attention was fully engrossed in the graham cracker he was holding.
"Be grateful he's quiet, now." Harm said as he swung inside and buckled his seat belt. "He was not at all happy about leaving..." Harm stopped abruptly. With a glance back to little A.J., he finished, "M-O-M."
"He'll be fine. It's only for one night." Mac assured him.
Harm pulled the vehicle into traffic. "Yeah, that's what I thought when I came up with this little godparents-godson camping trip, but I'm starting to wonder."
Mac smiled at him and settled into the seat content with the idea of spending time with Harm away from work. Something had changed last weekend. Harm had been tender and thoughtful in a different way. Work and getting ready for this trip had kept them apart all week, but Mac kept remembering the feel of his lips on hers and the look in his eyes.
She glanced at Harm without turning her head. He was in a deep discussion with little A.J. about the fate of his toy ships, and she couldn't help smiling at the interaction. Harm would make a good father. A.J. turned five in seven months, but Mac hoped their hearts would bring them together instead of the deadline on their deal.
"Penny for your thoughts." Harm interrupted her reverie.
She smiled at him, "I was just wondering what you were going to feed us on this trip. No meatless meatloaf, I hope."
"But I have a new recipe." he pouted in mock injury.
"Does it include meat?" she countered.
"If you mean, does it include the ground up fat YOU tend to pass off as meat, the answer is no."
She rewarded his ribbing with an appropriate glare, which he ignored. "However, I'm saving that recipe for a special occasion. On this trip, you'll get your fill of fish."
"What if we don't catch anything?"
"Not that I think that will be a problem - unless you plan to scare away the fish - but I do have that contingency covered."
"Good." she replied warmly.
"That was delicious, Harm." Mac said, after finishing the last bite of the grilled salmon he had made for dinner.
"Thank you, kind lady." he responded in mock deference.
"Are you done?" Mac asked little A.J. whose face was smeared with ketchup from his hot dog. She knew Harm had hated to feed the boy 'that crap' as he called it, but as Harriet had suspected, A.J. had spit out the salmon. Harriet had said that a toddler's idea of fish came breaded and fried.
Harm had disappeared into the tent while Mac wiped A.J.'s hands and face and cleaned up the dishes. He came back to the camp fire with his guitar.
"Are you ready for an old-fashioned, camp sing-a-long?" he asked A.J. The boy nodded his affirmation vigorously as Harm plopped down beside him.
"Do you know this one?" Harm asked, starting to play a tune that Mac recognized immediately as 'Row, Row, your boat'. A.J stared at Harm as they sang, obviously more enthralled with the guitar than the song.
After they had sung it through three times and Mac had sat back down at the campfire, Harm stopped playing and leaned over to A.J. In a conspiratorial whisper, he said, "You know, she's not singing. We need to do something about that."
A.J.'s eyes were wide in puzzlement. He shrugged his shoulders in uncertainty. "Maybe, if you went over and sat on her lap, you could convince her to sing." Without a second thought, little A.J. looked at Mac, ambled over to her and climbed in her lap. Mac and Harm both laughed. Mac squeezed her godson and Harm began playing 'Old MacDonald'. They laughed and sang children's songs together for the next hour as the sky slowly darkened.
Then it was time to put A.J. to bed.
Inside the tent, Mac bent over and kissed little A.J. on the forehead as she zipped up his sleeping bag. "There you go. All tucked in."
Harm bent down and also kissed his forehead.
"Now you." A.J. ordered innocently.
"What?" Harm exclaimed.
"Mommy and Daddy kiss. You're my godmom and dad. Kiss." the little boy stated plainly.
Harm was shocked when he looked at Mac smiling expectantly at him. He quickly looked back at A.J. and stammered, "We're, uh, not the same kind of parents as your Mommy and Daddy."
"You don't kiss?" the little boy persisted.
"Not like your Mommy and Daddy."
With every word Harm said Mac felt her gut tightening. Nothing was different after all. It had just been her imagination.
"Goodnight, slugger." Harm said, ruffling A.J.'s hair playfully.
"Goodnight, A.J." Mac said quietly.
"Night." he answered and rolled over.
Mac trudged back toward the camp fire while Harm dimmed the lantern in the tent. She was standing in front of the fire with arms crossed, trying to gain control of her emotions when Harm joined her. When she didn't sit down, he stuck his hands in his front pockets and said "He's a great kid."
"Yes, he is." she responded flatly, shifting her weight.
Harm waited for her to continue, but she didn't. "Okay, Mac. What gives?"
"What are you talking about?" she retorted, turning to face him.
"A few minutes ago, you were fine. We were laughing, singing. Now you're cross."
Mac knelt down and stoked the fire, "Don't be ridiculous."
"Ridiculous? Are you kidding?"
Mac paused before answering less defiantly, "Maybe, I didn't like being reminded that I'm not a mother."
Sitting down next to her, he said softly, "You'll have your chance."
"Not at the rate I'm going."
"Keep that rate for another seven months and you're problem is solved." Harm joked.
"Really? You think so?" Mac asked sarcastically.
"Mac, what's going on?"
"Forget it. I'm just tired."
Harm didn't know what to say. They both stared at the fire, listening to the crackling wood and the chirping crickets. Quietly, without looking at her, Harm asked, "Mac, are you trying to tell me you want out of that deal?"
Mac bit her lower lip and whispered, "No."
"What, then?"
"Nothing."
"Mac, what's going on?"
She didn't answer him.
Staring at her in the firelight, it hit him. "You think I'm gonna back out?"
"Not exactly."
"What does that mean?"
Looking at him sideways, she continued, "It means that it doesn't have to come to that, does it?"
"Excuse me?"
"Our deal. It has an out. If either one of us is in a relationship on A.J.'s fifth birthday, there is no deal."
Harm stared at her incredulously. "Oh! I see. I haven't been in a relationship in three years, and you think one is just gonna materialize out of nowhere for the sole purpose of nullifying our deal?"
"It would be par for the course for us." Mac said quietly before standing up.
Harm shot up as well. "Mac..." he started but didn't know how to continue. There was something in her eyes that deflated his irritation and wounded pride.
"I don't want to do this, Harm. I don't want to fight."
"Then why are we?"
"I don't know. But this is what we do. This is our dance – one step forward, two steps back."
He didn't know what to say. A week ago he had held her in his arms and he knew there was something between them. Tonight he had balked at an innocent goodnight kiss. He knew she stirred something deep inside him – something that overwhelmed him. How could he explain something to her something he didn't understand himself?
Finally, with resignation in her voice, Mac said "Good night, Harm." and headed back to the tent.
Harm watched her go, wondering what had happened. Was she right? Would he get involved with someone else just to avoid the depths of his feelings for her?
It was the early morning hours before Harm doused the fire and slid into his sleeping bag. The sight of Mac curled up next to little A.J. did nothing to calm the restless questions dancing in his head. He dozed lightly and woke early.
The next day they both focused on A.J. and keeping the atmosphere light-hearted and fun for the benefit of their godson.
The next two weeks sailed by, outwardly appearing as though nothing was different. Mac and Harm taunted one another good-naturedly, as usual, but Mac carefully avoided being alone with him. Figuring they'd had enough time to let things normalize, Harm had arranged a working lunch with Mac. Stepping off the elevator and heading to his office, Harm saw Mac talking to the Admiral and Meredith.
"Good afternoon, Commander." Meredith said brightly.
"Good afternoon, Meredith, Sir." he responded.
The Admiral acknowledged Rabb with a nod and said, "The Colonel tells me that the witness in Stafford seems to be able to alibi Sergeant Calvin in his wife's death."
Harm looked at her in amazement. That was the testimony they were supposed to go over together at lunch today. "Uh. Yes, Sir. We still need to write it up, though."
"Well, that can wait until after lunch, can't it? The Colonel has already agreed to join us and you're welcome to come with us."
Harm stared at Mac, smiling innocently at him. He decided he was not up to maintaining this awkward pretense in front of the Admiral. "I'm sorry, Sir. I really need to get a few things taken care of before the weekend."
"Suit yourself. Ladies." The Admiral motioned them to precede him.
"Sir, could I have a moment with the Colonel before you go?"
"Sure."
Harm pulled Mac aside.
Embarrassed, she whispered, "What are you doing?"
"I though we were working over lunch."
"I finished that report. You just need to review it and tell me what you think."
"Okay." Harm said through tight lips.
Sensing his irritation, Mac cajoled him, "Harm, you have to eat. Why don't you just come with us?"
"Mac, why are you avoiding me?"
"Don't be silly."
"Right." Harm responded sarcastically.
Noting the Admiral's questioning glances and tapping foot, Mac whispered, "I don't know about you, but as far as I'm concerned there's nothing going on between us. I'm going to lunch. You can do whatever you want." With that, she turned and joined the Admiral and Meredith.
"Good morning, Commander."
Harm froze, his head still buried in the engine of his plane. It couldn't be. He turned his head to see who had spoken. It was her.
"Meredith." Harm smiled widely, trying to figure out what she was doing here and how to avoid another flying lesson. "I wasn't expecting you. Should I have been?" he asked weakly.
Meredith approached the plan and thoughtfully ran her fingers along its exterior. "No, Commander. I just heard that you would be here today, so I thought I'd drop by."
Tiner! Harm made a mental note to keep his mouth shut around Tiner.
"I'm actually doing some maintenance, so I, uh, really can't take you up today."
"That's all right, Commander. I don't expect you to drop everything at a moment's notice and take me flying." she responded as she continued to look over the plane. Meredith paused before moving to stand in front of him. Then she looked directly at him and said, "It's just that you never told me how I did on our first flight."
"Uhh. Umm." As Harm fumbled for words wondering which was more dangerous, answering her question or taking her flying, Meredith continued to hold his gaze, patiently waiting for an answer.
"Youu, uh, uh. You were..." Harm understood why the Admiral had never said anything to Meredith about her propensity for high risk activities and her lack of talent for them. What do you say? Then it came to him. "Fearless. You were fearless." He said silently congratulating himself for steering around that mine.
"Hmm." Meredith mused as she peered over the side to take a closer look at the engine. "Why doesn't that sound like a good thing?"
I guess I didn't quite clear it, after all, Harm thought to himself as he once again faced Meredith's questioning stare. Now what?
"Uh. Hmmm."
"Commander, you can stop stammering. I'm quite capable of accepting constructive criticism."
Yeah, right, Harm thought. You're still the Admiral's girlfriend and this is not where I want to be.
"It's just that... Well, a little healthy fear helps a pilot keeps his perspective. Maintain his control." Meredith nodded as though she might be buying this, so Harm continued, "Wild abandon and flying don't really go together."
"I see." Meredith said thoughtfully, absently tapping the lid of his open toolbox. "Are you a good pilot, Commander?" she continued.
"I can hold my own." Harm responded cautiously.
"So, you maintain your control?"
Harm nodded slowly, still unsure about what she was doing, "Yes."
"Really. I thought you had a reputation for being a gutsy pilot."
Harm distinctly felt like he was being led, but he had no idea where. It seemed the only thing to do was play along. "Control means knowing when to let go and when to hold back. Too much of either one gets you into trouble."
"Let me see if I understand this," Meredith said looking thoughtfully at the ground for a moment. Then she lifted her head and stared directly at Harm. "Holding back too long is just as much a mistake as wild abandon?"
Harm nodded slightly.
Meredith broke their eye contact by giving the hangar a once over before nodding to Harm's tool box. "That's a lovely picture of you and Colonel MacKenzie in front of your plane."
"Thank you."
"Do you think she would agree that holding back too long is a mistake?"
"You'd have to ask her." Harm replied through tight lips. Meredith's questions were unsettling and he wasn't sure why.
Meredith studied his veiled expression. After a few moments, she stuck out her hand, smiled warmly and said. "Thank you, Commander. I appreciate your time and your insight."
Harm hesitantly accepted her handshake.
"I think, flying may not suit my personality." she continued, "I've always found the costs of holding back to be too high."
Harm nodded again.
"Good-bye, Commander."
"Good-bye."
Harm watched Meredith return to her car, but his mind replayed a scene from his past. It was Mac's engagement party and their conversation on the Admiral's porch. "You just can't let go, can you?" she had asked. Then, he remembered the look on her face in front of the camp fire and the distance between them since then. As he watched Meredith's car leave the airfield, her last words echoed in his mind, "I've always found the costs of holding back to be too high." He shook his head to clear away the complex thoughts and when he turned his attention back to his tools, he realized he was fingering the picture of him and Mac.
Monday morning, Harm arrived at the staff meeting. Late. Again.
"Nice of you to join us, Commander." The Admiral said as Harm slid into a chair near the end of the table. Harm shrugged his soldiers apologetically and hoped the Admiral would let it go. Mac, who was seated next to the Admiral on the opposite side of the table, shook her head, but she smiled at him.
While, the Admiral handed out assignments and listened to case updates, Harm found his focus continually shifting to Mac. She was in a good mood today. Her eyes were bright with a smile that filled her face. Mac glanced at him, but didn't hold his gaze. He wondered if they'd ever be back to normal. He lowered his eyes to the papers in front of him.
"Commander, have you lost something?"
"I'm sorry, sir?"
"Have you lost something? Such as your concentration."
Noting that every eye in the room was on him, Harm shrugged his solders again, "I'm sorry, sir. I have a lot to get done today. I guess my mind's on that."
"Yes, Commander, you do have a lot to get done today. I want the Washington brief on my desk first thing in the morning."
"Yes, sir."
The Admiral noticed that Rabb was not actually looking at him, but instead was focused on the Colonel. Maybe, Meredith had been successful in her little plan, after all.
"Dismissed."
The sounds of chairs shuffling was silenced with "Commander, I'd like a moment." Mac and everyone else gave Harm a 'wish I could help' look as they filed out. Harm remained standing near the door as the Admiral jotted notes.
When everyone had left the room, Harm decided to take the initiative. "Sir, about this morning. I really am sorry."
"Commander, I didn't keep you here to talk to you about being late. I trust you can remedy that without any help from me."
"Yes, Sir."
"I understand you had a conversation with Meredith on Saturday."
"Yes, Sir."
The Admiral looked up when Harm said nothing more. It wasn't like the Commander to keep his mouth shut.
"And?"
"Well," Harm swallowed nervously. "I believe we've come to an agreement about her flying lessons."
The Admiral's eyebrows raised.
"She's going to pursue other activities, Sir."
"That's quite a feat, Commander. How did you manage that?"
"Actually, she came to that decision pretty much on her own, Sir."
"I see. Did you talk about anything else?"
"Just flying in general, Sir."
The Admiral eyed the Commander for a moment. "Good." Gathering his own notes from the meeting, the Admiral headed toward the door. As he passed Harm, he added, "I'm glad that's taken care of. I was beginning to think I was going to have to fly with her."
"Yes, Sir."
Harm let out a deep sigh after the Admiral left. What else could happen today?
Harm paused in his writing and noticed that it was nearly lunch. He'd have to work through lunch to finish this brief by tomorrow, especially since he and Mac still needed to go over the Calvin report. He hadn't talked to her all morning. Perhaps that was best. He didn't need any more misunderstandings. The moment he started that thought, Meredith's words came back to him again. Damn it! What was going on?
He decided to get some tea. As he opened the door and stepped out, he crashed into Mac running out of her office.
"Hey. Where's the fire?" he teased as he grasped her arms to counteract the collision.
"I'm sorry. I'm late for lunch." Mac responded nervously trying to push past him without meeting his eyes.
"What? Are you afraid the food is going to get up and walk away?" he joked without releasing her.
"No, but my date might!" She retorted, instantly wishing she could take back the words. Harm immediately let go of her. The smile and the warmth in his eyes were also gone.
"I see." Harm said quietly. "Don't let me get in your way." He said moving quickly past her toward his original destination.
Mac watched him go, trying to decide if she should follow him. But, she was late and he was mad. She decided to deal with Harm when she got back.
Two hours and thirty-eight minutes. She'd been back from lunch for two hours and thirty-eight minutes and Harm hadn't said a word to her. Of course, they hadn't talked before lunch either and things between them had been strained. She knew they couldn't go on like that. Which is why she had agreed to lunch with Ryan. Somehow, she had to convince her heart that it did not belong to Harmon Rabb, Jr. "And Harmon Rabb, Jr. would have to learn that friends don't get to be upset when friends have a date." she muttered to herself. She picked up a file from the corner of her desk and walked purposefully to Harm's office. She lost a little of her nerve as she saw Harm's attention glued to the computer. Straightening her back, she knocked on the door.
Harm could see Mac without looking up. "Come in." he said flatly. As she entered the room, shutting the door behind her, he focused on calming his nerves. He glanced up to acknowledge her presence and continued typing. There was silence in the room. Harm looked at her again, his expression questioning her presence.
"I brought the Calvin file. You said we'd talk about it today."
More silence. Harm stared at Mac so coldly, she thought the temperature might have actually dropped.
"That's right. I did. Just put it down and I'll get to it later." He lowered his head and started thumbing through a book on his desk.
Mac put the file on the top of his "In" box. She waited a moment, but Harm didn't break a beat in his rhythm so she moved toward the door. Just as she turned the doorknob, she heard Harm casually ask, "Did he wait for you?"
Slowly, she turned back toward him. He was writing now.
When she didn't answer, he stopped writing and looked at her. "Your date. Did he wait for you?"
"Actually, we arrived at the same time."
"Everything went all right?"
"Yeah" Mac nodded her head. The temperature in the room seemed to rise slightly.
"Does this guy have a name?"
Mac didn't quite know what to make of this interest, but decided that she'd have to take it at face value if she wanted to get rid of the strain between them. "Ryan. Ryan Hartsford." Harm didn't say anything. Desperately hoping to restore their relationship to normal, she continued, "He's a photographer. I met him jogging on Saturday." Harm still didn't say anything. Maybe she had told him more than he wanted to know. She took a step toward his desk, and Harm broke their eye contact. He started writing again. "I'll let you know when I've had a chance to look at that file." he said.
Mac tried to think of something else to say, but it seemed Harm had found out what he wanted to know and he wasn't ready to be friends again.
"Okay." she said quietly as she left his office. Back at her own office she closed the door with a little more force than she had intended. Damn him! This was not her fault. He's the one who didn't want her. He's the one who kept them dancing around one another.
In his office, Harm was kicking himself almost as hard. The more he clung to "maintaining" their friendship, the more life he seemed to squeeze out of it. Again, Meredith's words floated through his head and he wondered what his control had already cost him.
Mac was lost in thought as she rounded the corner heading to her office, so she didn't immediately notice that Harm was exiting his office. Nine-thirty-two on a Friday night. What the hell was he doing here this late on a Friday night? She would have done an about face, but he'd already seen her. Well, he was on his way out. Maybe, he wouldn't say much to her. It's not as if they'd talked all week. He e-mailed his comments on the Calvin file and had carefully avoided her all week, except for a brief encounter in the coffee room yesterday morning. Unfortunately, she'd been telling Harriet about Ryan.
Mac smiled weakly at Harm before stepping into her office. Harm followed her, leaning against the door.
"What are you doing here?" he said matter-of-factly.
"I work here." Mac barked more harshly than she'd meant to be.
"I mean. I thought you had a date tonight."
"I did." Mac responded blandly. She moved toward her desk, hoping that turning her back to him might make him go away.
"What happened?"
Harm actually sounded concerned. Almost like the old Harm. The Harm that wanted her to be happy. Mac shook her head. This line of thought wasn't going to get her anywhere. Harm was still waiting for an answer. "I really don't want to talk about it, if you don't mind." she pleaded with him as she sat down to gather the papers she'd come to collect.
Harm watched her for a moment and thought about leaving her to whatever had happened. But that would be their usual dance. That would be the controlled response.
"What if I do mind?"
"Get over it." Mac snapped.
"Hey. What are you snapping at me for? I didn't stand you up." Harm said stepping further into the office.
"He didn't stand me up."
Harm looked at her expectantly waiting for the rest of the story. Mac decided that he wasn't leaving without an answer, so she tried a vague response. "Let's just say the evening didn't turn out the way either one of us expected."
"And?"
"I'm pretty sure I said I don't want to talk about this." Mac turned her attention back to collecting the papers she wanted. She moved to the filing cabinet in the corner, being careful to go around her desk so she wouldn't have to pass Harm. She knew he didn't like that answer, but she just wanted to forget about the evening and Harm was the last person she wanted to tell.
"I see. Status quo." he said quietly, still facing her desk.
"What does that mean?"
Harm breathed in deeply. "It means, this dance of ours goes on. It means, I'm wondering if you're ever going to trust me enough to talk to me when you're upset."
The concern and warmth in his voice caught her off guard. Well, he could still surprise her. And damn her heart. Why did it always see more in these moments than was actually there? Still, she preferred this Harm to the one that had given her the cold shoulder all week.
"It has nothing to do with trusting you." she said softly. Why did he have to pick tonight to be nice?
"Then, what does it have to do with?" he said with a tenderness that pierced her resolve to hide from him.
"Embarrassment." She whispered without looking at him. Even though she was staring intently at the files in the drawer in front of her, she sensed the bewilderment on Harm's face and fervently wished he would let it drop.
"Mac?"
She glanced at him, knowing he had no intention of granting that wish.
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" she said with half-hearted hope.
Harm shook his head. Without taking his eyes off of her, he moved toward the filing cabinet, propping his elbow on the top of it.
With a resigned sigh, she said flatly, "Married." She swallowed the tears that threatened to choke her. Harm's eyes were wide with shock as she continued, "He's married. They have an open marriage."
"Mac, I'm sorry."
She knew he was. And she knew those words had aroused Harm's protective nature, but pity was the last thing she wanted. It was time to lighten this up a bit. She pulled out the files she needed, closed the drawer and opened the one beneath it. With as much frivolity as she could muster she said, "It's not your fault there aren't any good men left in the world."
Mac heard Harm's sharp intake of breath. She had intended it to be a light-hearted quip, but the words hung heavily in the room.
"Harm?"
"Thanks a lot." he whispered, making a vain attempt to match her levity.
"Harm, I didn't mean you."
"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, his eyes fixed steadily upon her.
Mac was surprised by the seriousness in his expression and tone. Her heart begged her to believe it meant something while her head scolded her for entertaining those thoughts.
"Yes, Harm." she assured him, "I'm sure."
No response. Not a smile. Not a nod of acknowledgment. Just the sound of his watch and the same fixed stare. Now she was confused.
Harm could see her confusion. He knew it was time.
"Then go out with me."
Five, quiet words loomed breathlessly in the room for twelve seconds, before Mac gasped "What?"
Harm swallowed hard. Mac's chest rose and fell rapidly taking in shallow breaths and keeping time with the pulse throbbing in her neck. Her knuckles were white from clutching the cabinet drawer. Her eyes questioning if he had really said those words.
Slowly and deliberately, he repeated them. First, "Go out." and then, "With me." and finally, "On a date."
He was serious. Her heart was doing somersaults and her head was reeling.
"Mac?"
Something in his voice made her realize that he didn't know what her answer would be. With everything they'd been through together, there was still so much they'd been hiding. His eyes begged her to answer. She could only nod her head. She could tell he wasn't sure what that meant and somehow she managed a hoarse "When?" Then his heart-melting smile appeared and she couldn't help but smile back.
"Tomorrow?" he asked hesitantly.
Mac's eyes widened further. It had taken him a long time to make his move, but he certainly wasn't wasting any time now. Again, she could only manage to nod her head, mesmerized by his smile.
"Six o'clock?" he asked more confidently.
Mac nodded again. Determined to speak, she confirmed the time, "Six o'clock."
"I'll see you tomorrow, then, at six."
With that, Harm, still smiling, retrieved his briefcase and cover from the chair where he had deposited them earlier. Mac didn't move. She just watched him. At the door, he turned to say in his normal Harm voice, "Don't work too late."
"I won't." she smiled.
Then he was gone.
Still warm from dancing, Mac welcomed the cool, night air enveloping her as she stepped outside. The clear sounds of the band were muted as Harm closed the door behind him and joined her on the deck of the Sprit of Washington. The dinner cruise had taken her by surprise. She hadn't really known what to expect when Harm picked her up. She felt another wave of warmth sweep over her as Harm's hand connected with the small of her back to guide her toward an unoccupied spot by the railing.
"I'm not wearing you out am I, Marine?" Harm said leaning against the railing with his back to the view.
Mac wondered if the twinkle in his eyes came from the exertion of dancing or if it revealed something of how things were changing between them this evening. Something reminiscent of her birthday dinner.
"Not likely." she responded in a light-hearted version of her best "Marines versus Sailors" voice. Matching her voice to his teasing tone, she asked, "How is that I never knew you could swing dance?"
"What makes you think you know all my secrets?"
"All right. Where did you learn to swing dance?"
"A summer at Frank's country club when I was fifteen."
"You – in a country club?" Mac queried in amusement.
"What? You don't think I'm the country club type?"
"No. I don't. Especially at fifteen."
Harm paused a moment before answering less light-heartedly, "You're right. I didn't really want to be there."
"Then, why were you?"
"Caddying at the country club was the best paid job around."
"You lost me. How does a golf caddy learn to swing dance?" Mac prodded, missing the seriousness that was creeping into his voice.
"There was a lot of competition for those jobs. You had to know someone to get one of them." Harm shifted his weight uncomfortably before continuing, "I didn't want Frank's help. The Club's Board President had a daughter my age. Her attendance at Saturday night dances was mandatory. She wanted a dance partner. I wanted a job." Harm turned toward the view and across the water. The conversation had unexpectedly pushed his thoughts to the past. Mac, however, quickly realized it wasn't his fifteenth summer that had captured his thoughts. She moved beside him, laying her hand gently on his shoulder.
"The money was to look for your father the next summer, wasn't it?"
Harm nodded.
Mac said nothing, allowing him to grapple with the unexpected memories. Her fingers lightly caressed his neck, as they stood silently gazing at the reflections of light on the water. The gentle lap of the waves against the boat seemed to wash away the tension of the weeks between her birthday and last night.
The Woodrow Wilson Bridge came into view. Instinctively, Mac's hand dropped to her side. Standing with Harm on the deck of a boat passing beneath a bridge brought Mac to a past moment she didn't want to relive. Especially not tonight.
Mac's sudden release brought Harm out of his own memories and into the present. As Mac had known where his thoughts had drifted, he knew where hers had gone. She started to step away from him, but he took hold of her waist with one hand and cupped her face with the other. With a voice as soft as the feather-like strokes his thumb was making along her jaw line, Harm said, "It's not the same bridge. We're not the same people."
Mac caught her breath and swallowed hard.
"I know I'm not." He whispered.
She held his gaze wordlessly, memorizing the feeling of his fingers stroking her face and the promise in his voice.
His eyes searched hers, desperate for some sign that she understood and agreed.
Then she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, permanently shutting out the memories of that Australian ferry. Opening her eyes, Mac mustered her confidence. She slid her hands around his neck and whispered provocatively, "Care to prove that?"
Relief spread across Harm's face. His mouth turned up in a playful smile. Their old dance, with all its missteps was finally over.
"Yes, Ma'am. I would." he nodded as he drew her mouth to his. His lips enfolded hers in the choreography of a new dance.