The Random Bleach Pairing Generator!

Hi! MattsyKun here with a random crack fic. Here's a warning now: if you don't like random crack pairings, I suggest you leave now.

I was on and I found a mini quiz called The Random Bleach Pairing Generator. I went through it and found 15 funny pairings, and then thought, "hey, I should write a one-shot for each of them!" so yeah. I love pairing generators; they're so fun! So there may be more chapters depending on how many random pairing generators I find. Whoop.

These one-shots will be short, since they are crack pairings and therefore do not have a lot of knowledge about writing them.

These fanfics range from K+ to M, so I would be careful if I were you.

Pairing 1: Kenpachi X Isane

Rating: T

Kenpachi grumbled as he dragged a screaming and kicking Yachiru to the fourth division. Yachiru had woken the 11th division taichou up with her screaming. Apparently the child had had too much candy, and now she had a toothache. The duo received strange looks as Kenpachi dragged Yachiru down the halls of the fourth division, searching for Unohana.

Isane had been working on some paperwork when she heard screaming. Sighing, she put her pen down and went to see what all the commotion was about. She stopped upon seeing the giant form of the 11th division captain carrying a screaming Yachiru. Covering her ears, she carefully went up to Zaraki-taichou and asked him what was wrong.

"Little brat had too much damn candy. Has a toothache now." Zaraki said as Yachiru continued to spazz. Isane motioned for him to follow her, and he did. Anything to get Yachiru to stop screaming.

Kenpachi set Yachiru down on the table and settled himself in the corner. As he watched Isane attempt to calm Yachiru down, something dawned on him.

"Hey, where the hell's Unohana?" he asked. Isane didn't turn around but he did get a response.

"She's treating a few members from your division, Zaraki-taichou." She said. Kenpachi snorted in response and continued to watch Isane.

He had watched Isane before, too, when she helped her taichou tend to his division members. Sometimes he started fights with his division and others just so he could see the blue/purple/whatever the hell her hair color was haired Shinigami. She seemed to be the only one that was able to calm Yachiru down enough to examine her. Even now, Yachiru had stopped screaming and was acting rather obedient.

He had also watched Isane at squad meetings. Something about the way she paid attention in meetings… it caught his eye. It attracted him to her.

"All done." Isane said kindly. Yachiru jumped off of the table and raced out the door, glad to be free of whatever had been torturing her (and glad to be free of the 4th division). Kenpachi snapped out of his reverie when Yachiru ran out of the door.

"So, what was wrong?" Kenpachi asked, feeling his face get hot. Fuck, he hoped he wasn't blushing.

"It was just a loose tooth. She should be fine." Isane said. Kenpachi nodded absently. Then something clicked in the back of his head.

Isane was startled as Kenpachi raced forward and wrapped his arms around her. Kenpachi suddenly pressed his lips against hers. He felt her lips part in a surprised gasp, and used the opportunity to slip his tongue inside of her mouth. Isane didn't struggle, but instead kissed back. In that instant, she knew she wanted this. She had had a crush on the psychotic taichou ever since she had joined the court guard squads. She never admitted it; she knew people would think of her as crazy. Kenpachi closed the door with his foot and laid kisses on her neck.

"Z-Zaraki-taichou… not here…" Isane gasped, knowing the consequences should they be caught.

"Nobody will come within a ways from us." Kenpachi murmured, kissing her collarbone. Isane knew he was right. Nobody would dare come within a 500 meter radius of Kenpachi when he was in the division. Isane quickly caved in to Kenpachi.

An hour later, Isane and Kenpachi emerged from the room. Isane's hair was slightly untidy and Kenpachi looked oddly satisfied. Both seemed very flustered. Isane had a slight blush across her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then?" Isane asked, brushing off her Shinigami uniform. Kenpachi smiled; it wasn't a smile filled with bloodlust, but a regular, normal smile.

"Sure."

Yes, crack for all! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (continues to laugh insanely) Okay, I'm done. Next pairing may actually be a lemon—ooh, this next one is going to be interesting… lolz… KUKUKU!!! Read and Review!