She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day
She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell
My life is pretty much a mess.
Hmm… maybe I shouldn't say that. In fact, my birth alone caused a very huge mess to their whole lives. Their lives, well, I meant the Walkers' lives. Their name, reputation…everything. Just because I was born, and forever will I be known to them as the illegitimate son. I was the fruit of an illicit affair between my mother and a Japanese man, as they say, and now, forever will be the symbol of shame of the Walker family. Yet, what can I do? Do I even care about that?
In school, I was known as the perfect guy, calm, cool and collected. I don't know and don't care about their opinions about me, though I can explain of my reserve.
I grew up in my mother's side of the family, and generally, all were masking their emotions. I guess I just 'go with the flow' and followed. They never let me felt that they cared, although they provide me with my daily needs, but that's just it. Everyday, I woke up in that household; I could not find any reason of a worth while living. I guess I was lucky to be born, and even yet, I was luckier to be allowed to live. So, I learned to mask my emotions just like them, and I did it perfectly.
Up until now.
Let's change topic. Well, I never thought an "accidental" discovery will lead me to this, or rather, to her. She was responsible in making my peaceful life messier, yet, for the first time in my life, she, somehow, saw through me, breaking the invisible barrier, like the way I unmasked her true feelings. How she done it is always a mystery for me, yet I'm glad she did. She's only the one I've been thinking of; the one that I -
"Usui-san!"
Oh, yeah, I haven't told you where I am. I was in a classroom, waiting for a certain second year girl who sent me a note to meet her here (a confession, as always). While waiting, I was daydreaming about her, and then suddenly the girl in front of me interrupted with my daydream. Shoot.
I looked at her. All her face was blushing, and then she began, "Usui-san, when I first saw you…" and then, here comes her confession.
Ever since I came here, almost everyday that I receive confessions, and I, as they say, "break their hearts", where in fact, I was just being honest. Maybe, my other reason was not to let anyone in my private life or not to involve me in theirs. I might be exposing my family and there's possibility of sullying their name, and that's just plain troublesome. Ironically speaking, that is happening right now.
I have let someone in my life.
I had broken out my reverie when the girl in front of me said, "…Please go out with me."
I replied, "I'm sorry that I cannot return your feelings towards me. I cannot make you truly happy, and that I know that there is someone else for you, but that someone is not me. I'm really sorry."
"I don't care. I'll be the girl that you always wanted. Just please go out with me!"
"I'm sorry, but that won't do."
She withdrew and went out of the classroom with tears in her eyes. As you know, I am thinking of only one girl right now, and right now, I wanted to see her. In fact, she's a man-hater, which started when her father left her. A bit the same, yet very different a situation.
Oh yeah, who's she? Well, you probably knew her. By the way, she is the president of the student body here in our school, also feared by the guys (except me, of course, and some others). It is none other than Misaki Ayuzawa.
I don't know why, but at first, we were total strangers, I mean, we were not that close. The only connection that we've got was when every time that she reprimands me of hurting the girls' feelings; she was the protector of the population of girls here in our school. But ever since I discovered her little secret that she's working in a maid café, she became the object of my interest. Before I knew it, I felt attached to her and bigger yet, I've fallen for her.
For the first time in my life, I longed for somebody. That I had actually cared for a person more than myself. That I experienced something new in my life. That I felt different emotions at the same time. My life completely changed. More importantly, I found the reason for living. I cannot deny that I need her.
I gazed at the window beside me and I saw a couple under the tree which did not gave me any interest, but I peered directly below and surprisingly, I saw my little maid eavesdropping. I know, eavesdropping is bad, so, shall I punish her later?
"... but she seemed… I don't know… biased on the way she treats boys and girls. She should have treated us fairly… that demon president…"
As I heard this, I looked at Misaki, who suddenly went away. Was she… affected? I again looked at the guy who said that and what he said was not really nice. I know, she's stubborn and strict and a man-hater, yet deep down inside, she's actually a caring and just president and a daughter, and shall I say a bit sensitive? No, but accurately speaking, sharp, yet dense (she can see right through me when there is something troubling me, and only she can do that which I appreciate completely). Not to mention, very cute in every way. I was the lucky few who had seen the real her.
The few, I meant…
"Oi, Hinata! Are you really serious with your feelings with the demon prez? She could kill you with her stare, you know?"
"Right, if looks could kill… if I were you, Hinata, pick another girl, there's plenty out there. So what if you're her childhood friend? She's different from before."
"But I'm serious with her and she didn't change at all… she's as cute as ever, and kind, and caring…"
"Seriously…you…" and then the voices faded, seem like they passed by and I'm glad that he had not seen me. If looks could really kill, he'd be dead as a doornail when our eyes meet. He should have taken his friend's advice. Oh yeah, that Sanshita-kun's Misa-chan's childhood friend… sometimes… I wonder what kind of childhood life Misaki had… must have been better than mine. I just knew her only a few months, and Sanshita-kun knew her almost a lifetime, but that does not matter, right?
I rose from my seat and went away from the classroom. While walking, I saw searching for my cute prez, I should have started to look at the student council room, but my instincts told me to go straight to the rooftop. I climbed the stairs and opened the door leading to the rooftop, and there she was… her hair swayed as the wind blew it gently; such a lovely figure right in front of my eyes. I went towards her quietly and hugged her tightly.
"Were you waiting for me, Ayuzawa?" I asked her.
"No, I'm not, idiot Usui."
Idiot Usui… that's my new nickname given by her. Actually, I expected that she'd call me 'perverted outer space alien' by know and it's better than the one from my family, don't you agree? Yet I guess she's too bothered, so I looked at her side and I saw a tear in the corner of her eye; I suppose that she's suppressing herself.
"Then, is it about the couple talking about you?"
"How… how did you…?"
"Don't get me wrong, Ayuzawa. I happened to see you eavesdropping on the window just above you, and to my surprise, you haven't even notice me."
"Geez, you're really a stalker, aren't you?"
"Of course I'm stalking you, Ayuzawa." Well, I just couldn't let my sight off her. Still suppressing herself, and I wanted to see her face, I made her face me, and I held her by her cheeks.
I looked at her eyes which were on the verge of crying... sure enough, everybody always see her as a strong, confident president who can do anything… but I alone here had seen her cry. I placed her hand near my heart and her other hand followed.
With that, I told her, "Ayuzawa… just let it all out."
"What?"
"You've been suppressing yourself, isn't it, Ayuzawa?"
That done it. Her tears began to flow from her amber eyes, yet I don't want a single tear to drop, so I wiped every tear. I looked at her and smiled. I closed the distance between us and kissed her forehead. Surprisingly, she didn't protest, and then I closed the distance between her lips and mine.
I've come to love the moment; I treasure every minute that I am able to be with her. I… want to be by her side. Yes, she made me worry about her every time she gets into trouble, but I'll never tire of rescuing her, let's say, even if it costs my life. Trouble may rise ahead, that's why, every minute with her is more precious than gold. Besides, I don't want to lose her.
The one who had successfully entered my life. The one who opened my heart. The one who showed me the wonders of the world. And the one responsible of messing my life. Beautifully, that is.
My sole reason of living life so fully. Misaki Ayuzawa.
I'll tell her when she's ready, but for now…
…Let's keep it as a secret, shall we?
-End-
She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die
She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She
She, oh she
She
By Elvis Costello
Ahhh… at last I finally finished it! I'm sorry if it's a bit OOC for Usui, these were all my "thoughts" hehe…. Oh yeah, they are not yet a couple here, I had actually planned this a long time after I post 'I Found Myself', yet I was attacked by laziness and there's school work, and I'm sorry if I did bore you. It's partially base on the song 'She' which was sung by Elvis Costello (his version, I guess, and from a movie) and partially after a fanfic by Shark's fin in one or two of the chapters of 'Missing Pieces' and that this is actually my bday present for Fin-chan and Ofe-san. Belated and advance happy birthday to you both! TEEHEE!
PS, I should really work on my other fanfic…