Hey! So, this is my first DN story, and it's a lovely, slash-filled song fic. The song used is called "Ever" by Emilie Autumn. I highly recommend listening to it. Anyway, so enjoy the MelloxMatt action. :)
Disclaimer: DN and the song by Emilie Autumn are merely being borrowed her for artistic purposes. No copyright intended.
I've been racing for you honey
Matt turned down the winding streets, his car revving with each shift of the gears. High energy, industrial rock came pounding from the speakers and he couldn't help letting his head bop up and down to the beat. He was headed to Mello's. It had been days since he had seen the boy, and it made Matt feel really sick.
But you take your love
So sick, that he almost pulled over and succumbed to the retching he tried so hard to swallow and avoid.
From under my feet
Matt eventually got there and he did throw up. Right in the gravel-filled pot near the call box that functioned as an ashtray. It wasn't much of anything. Bile and saliva.
The very moment I arrive
Matt depressed the button, it's familiar buzz like a comfort.
"What?" came that voice, obviously preoccupied by chocolate.
" It's me." Matt said, wiping the remnants of unpleasantness from his mouth.
I hold the invitation in my hand
There was a silence. Matt was not used to this.
" Mello?" he pipped, holding the button down again.
You smile and I don't understand
"Yeah?" His voice goes up, almost as if his annoyance is one of disbelieving amusement.
" Can I come up?"
When you tell me the writing ain't yours
" I guess I have no choice." Mello huffed. Matt, hands pressed against the wall, let his head hang. Hair fell over his face, and he hiccuped. He wanted to throw up again. But, he suppressed it. The door clicked in admittance.
You were the one thing I could count on
Matt headed up the stairs. The elevator would have been too confining. Step by wretched step, he thought about him. About how their relationship had gone so far.
Even if your apathy was what I expected
The door to his apartment was unlocked.
" That's rather careless of you." Matt said without inflection. Mello, who had seated himself upon the couch, shrugged.
" I knew you were coming. What's careless about it?"
Oh darling I waited and waited to feel your footsteps
" Nothing, Mello. Nothing." The redhead lit a cigarette and took off his boots. Mello listened to these actions, but made no attempt to turn around. He was too busy making sure that his nails were all cut to the same length.
And to hear your breath
" Matt, you're taking forever." commented the blond, nail clipper hanging limply in his hand. The gamer apologized softly, moving over to the couch and kneeling next to Mello.
But maybe I just wanted someone to wait for
" What's up with you today, Matt? You're all mopey."
You were ever in my mind
" Nothing. Just feeling ill." That wasn't true. The liar and the lied to knew it. But Matt didn't apologize. Mello would have hit him in the head. So, the blond angled his scarred cheek upward in a defiant glare.
" Uh-huh." he huffed.
You were behind my soul each time
I held it to the flame
" So, why did you come? You didn't call beforehand." Matt let out a heavy sigh, took a drag, and blew the smoke into the air.
" Crack a window, Mail. Geez." Matt got to his feet and went to the balcony. He leaned over the railing, watching his cigarette burn for awhile. What had he expected, coming over here?
You were ever in my precious thoughts
Mello wasn't the cherishing type. He didn't run into hugs and act like the perfect puppy dog Matt did. Matt would do anything for Mello. It had always been that way, even back at Wammy House.
I'd leave a room of angels
"Matt, come." Mello would say.
Just to be alone
And what would he do?
If only to say your name
"Coming."
I never told you I needed you darling
Matt would go wherever the other lead, no questions asked; no conditions. Was it devotion that lead Matt away from Wammy when Mello left?
Like a rose needs the rain
" Mello, where are you going?" he remembered asking, leaning in the doorway, playing his PSP. He couldn't smoke in the house back then. Outside, behind the bush. He hid his cigarettes under a stone that read " Fairies live in this garden." That made him chuckle, since it wasn't much of a fairy glen back there.
How could you possibly know how much
" Japan, Matt! I've gotta prove that Near is not second to L. I am."
" Did Roger approve of this?"
" Roger says that L wanted Near and I to work together. But, I know L would never have said that." Matt cocked his head to the side, pausing his game.
" How can you be so sure?"
" Matt, how can you not? That little bastard is in Japan right now trying to catch Kira. I'm gonna get him before Near, Matt. I am."
" How?"
So I reach for your love
" I'll find a way."
Like the moon and the stars
" I'll come with you." Matt said, saving his game with finality. Mello looked up from packing, pants hanging limp in his hand, rosary dangling from his neck.
" Really?"
Ever in my sight
Matt smiled fondly. " Of course." Mello looked at the helter skelter contents of his suitcase, then the boy. Throwing his pants at Matt, he moved off to the drawers.
" Fold all of that." He said.
Ever out of touch
"Sure thing, boss." Matt said,
There's a spotlight of a holy kind
Since then, Matt had gone wherever he was told, whenever. As long as it came from the blond's lips. Without direction, he would sit idly and play video games until given a new order. Or he'd smoke. Sometimes, both. Whatever he did, it did not matter just as soon as the phone rang.
Think it comes from somewhere
He'd nearly trip over himself to get it. And he'd go out, which he was not fond of doing. But, for Mello, it wasn't a chore.
Up in the sky or from some far off lovely place
It was a pleasure.
But this light never ever ever shone on me
Even if Mello didn't care about him anymore. Even if the maudlin emotions that welled up and made him vomit nothing into ashtrays overtook him. Even if somewhere in him, he knew the love was one-sided.
At least as far as I could see
He'd still do what he was told.
So I sat in the dark and I watched you
Ever faithful, ever constant Matt. Who never said 'boo.'
Now I just cry to myself
Too much effort to.
When there's no one around
Matt threw the burned out filter to the ground below and took out another cigarette. Mello would call when he was wanted. It wouldn't be too long now. So, he flicked lighter, but it wouldn't light.
" Shit-" he muttered, sounding odd talking from one side of his mouth.
And I teach myself to walk backwards
Mello struck a match and held it out to him. Matt, shocked by his sudden appearance on the balcony, tensed before leaning in for the light. Mello waved the fire out and threw the match.
" Matt, come inside when you're done."
Out of any given situation
" 'course, Boss."
Yes I can be graceful and try
When Matt closed the sliding glass door behind him five minutes later, Mello was leaning over Matt's PSP, pressing buttons like he had the crazies.
Not to step on my train and
" What're you doin'?" Matt asked, readjusting his goggles. Mello looked up and huffed.
" How can you play this thing?"
" I just do."
" You think you'd get a new game, Matt."
You don't have to say goodbye
A new game.
But I'll be right here if you want to
"Yeah...you'd think. I just like that one a lot."
You were ever in my mind
" If it's the money, Matt, I'll get you a new one," Mello said, turning off the console, " I mean, honestly, this must be boring by now."
You were behind my soul each time
I held it to the flame
"Not at all." Matt said, a smile unwillingly crossing his lips. Mello arched a confused brow, scoffed, and then moved off to the kitchen. Matt followed dutifully, leaning against the counter as Mello poked about.
You were ever in my precious thoughts
He looked at Mello's scarred cheek. The ridges and depressions were highlighted by the light in the refrigerator. He could remember the day Mello had blown up that building. How he drove like a mad man to SPK headquarter's and begged them to get a doctor. They knew a hospital was out of the question. By then, Mello was a wanted man. Matt knew that Mello was desperate to beat Near, but this was taking it too far.
I'd leave a room of angels
He remembered the look on Near's face as he stood at the cusp of his workroom, Mello bleeding like a fallen angel in his arms.
Just to be alone
" He's an idiot. Always far too rash." Near had said, putting his toy down to play with his hair.
If only to say your name
" I wanna fix him up and get him out of here. Near, please help."
" He would never want my help." Near intoned. Matt's face screwed up in horrified rage.
I never told you I needed you darling
" I don't care what he wants! He's dying!" And I love him, thought Matt, too afraid to say it.
Like a rose needs the rain
Near looked to the side queerly, thinking. Matt was still breathing heavily, his arms beginning to give under Mello's dead weight.
How could you possibly know how much
" Please, Near!" Mello began to stir in his pain-induced sleep. The screaming would soon begin. Matt hushed him softly, defying his tired arms as he hugged the blond closer. Near stood and went to observe the injured Wammy kid.
So I reach for your love
" He's got shrapnel in his eye." said the albino, pointing delicately at it. It was true. The bleeding was coming almost entirely from Mello's eye. Matt whimpered.
Like the moon and the stars
" I'll get him a doctor. But, after it's all said and done, take him home. If he wakes up and knows that I helped him, I'll never hear the end of his screaming."
Ever in my sight
Matt did what had to be done, and followed Near's request. That didn't stop Mello from finding Near and getting into argument. Matt hoped Near didn't blame him.
Ever out of touch
"There's no food here, Matt. Can you go get some?" Mello looked up at him from the fridge, eyes trained on his face. Matt knew that only one of them could actually see him. The other, merely shadows, if that.
Now I could paint your portrait
"Sure." Matt went to put his shoes on, but Mello's hand on his cuff stopped him.
If I never saw you again
"Why don't you ever argue, Matt? Why?"
When I am old someone may ask me
Because, I love you.
If I ever loved
" It's not in my nature." Matt said, looking at Mello through the orange filter of his goggles. Mello ran his tongue over his teeth, eyes narrow. Suddenly, he kissed Matt hard, lips flat against their teeth. Matt drew in a breath through his nose.
And I will speak but they won't recognize
He pushed him off.
" Mello? What are you-"
My words, they'll say I'm telling lies
" I know you like me, Matt. I can see it in your eyes. Even if you try to hide them behind those damn goggles." Matt's mouth hung agape. It couldn't be helped. This was not what he was used to.
And maybe I am
" Mello, you don't-" Matt took a moment, pushing up his goggles and getting his bangs caught in the process, " You don't have to kiss me out of pity. I'm always going to be by your side."
Maybe I am
Mello furrowed his brow. " You think that it was pity?" Matt shrugged, his green eyes brilliant. Mello had forgotten them entirely, and on occasion, so did Matt.
All I know is
" What else could it have been, Mel?,
You were ever in my mind
I've come to terms with the fact that I'm loyal to you, no matter what. Partly because of my love for you, and partly because I really have no where else to go. Without you, I'm just a fourth rate genius."
You were behind my soul each time
I held it to the flame
Mello let go of Matt's sleeve, his face contorted in stunned disbelief.
" Mail." he whispered.
You were ever in my precious thoughts
Matt shrugged. " I've come to terms with it, and I'm content. For the most part." Mello's eyes grew wide.
" Everyone's human. A person can't ever be completely happy."
I'd leave a room of angels
Mello cradled Matt's face and kissed it again, this time with more tenderness. Matt accepted this kiss, trying to forget that it wasn't real.
Just to be alone
It wasn't what he wanted.
If only to say your name
"Mihael..." Matt breathed when they parted lips. Mello opened his eyes and looked into Matt's.
I never told you I needed you darling
" I'm sorry." Mello said to him. It was a first, but Matt wasn't about to celebrate. He simply, brushed back the blond bangs that hung in the other's eyes and kissed his forehead.
Like a rose needs the rain
" You don't have to pretend, Mel. It's okay."
How could you possibly know how much
" But-" said the other, pensive fingers on his rosary, rotating the beads, " What if I'm not?"
So I reach for your love
Matt pushed his goggles down, suddenly ashamed.
Like the moon and the stars
" Don't promise me something you can't deliver. Please, I never ask anything of you. Just, whatever you do- don't tell me you love me."
Ever in my sight
" But what if-!"
" Even if!- Just don't. Please, Mello. Please." Mello found himself agreeing to this insane demand. He always knew Matt to be so level-headed and this was not him. Love did that to people, he supposed. And what if Mello did love him? He was certain he did. Matt didn't want to hear it.
There was a silence as they stood nose to nose in the kitchen.
" Food, Matty." Mello said after a time, the command in his voice nearly what it had been.
Ever out of touch
Matt nodded with a wry smile. "Of course," was his reply.
I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if you did :D
Sincerely,
DeMuerte