Life in a Toilet
He just wanted paper. That damn punk just had to drop ember seeds and pots down there. Was paper really that hard to come by? No one even cared why he was in a toilet in the first place. "Pa-pa-pa-paper please." he said as someone walked past his current residence.
"Weirdo." they said.
He had been a successful businessman. He would work for several hours at a time then come home to his wife and kid. One day, his son was playing in the toilet and accidentally flushed himself down the toilet. His wife went crazy and drowned herself in the toilet. So Bob, or ? as everyone knows him, attempted to flush himself down the toilet. It didn't go well and he got stuck in the toilet. The only problem was, he does have to use the toilet every now and then. He's been asking for paper to clean himself off for several years. Now certain jerks found it immensely amusing to drop things on his head.
"Get out of here!" Bob yelled at Link as he approached. Link just dropped a pot on his head again. "I hate you." Bob sobbed.
He would reward whoever gave him some paper with a Heart Piece, but he had something special for Link if he ever decides to be nice for a change.
"Be calm, my precious." Bob said as he stroked his stink bag, he had gone crazy a long time ago.
Every single day, Link would come back and drop something on his head, be it a bomb, a pot, an ember seed or a Deku Scrub.
"Haelo." said a person who stood over the toilet. "Y r u in a toylet eh?" they asked.
"Can you just give me some paper?" Bob asked.
"Get up out of that toylet." the person said.
"I can't, I'm stuck." Bob said.
"Yer stuck." the person said.
"I know." Bob said.
"Oakae." the person said.
"Who do you think you are?" Bob asked.
"Aye am Artyom." Artyom said.
"Well, Artyom, could you please get me some paper? I really need it." Bob said.
"Eugh." Artyom said.
"Yes I know, could you get me some paper?" Bob asked.
"Oakae." Artyom said before walking away.
Several years later, Artyom came back.
"I culd nat fiynd anee payper." Artyom said.
"Can you just get me anything that I could use in place of paper?' Bob asked.
"Liek cabbage?" Artyom said.
"No, not cabbage." Bob said.
"Cabbage." Artyom said as he dropped a cabbage on Bob's head. Bob just threw the stink bag at Artyom. "Oakae goodbye." Artyom said before walking away. Bob just broke down and started crying. A year later he died of AIDS... somehow.
Disclaimer: I own nathing
(A/N) I don't know why I wrote this, but it features Artyom from Metro 2033 but he speaks like Artyom in Criken's Quest For Cabbage