A/N: Today is May 25, so according to the air date of the lunar excitation, this is one day after the fifth anniversary of Shamy's first meeting when Amy told Sheldon she needed a break. This is my take on what might have happened afterwards. I have a few chapters finished with some minor editing to do and will try to post every 4-5 days. Thank you so much Hazelra7 and ShAmy4eva for beta-reading this story! I don't own anything.
Amy's Apt., Glendale, May 26th 2015, 01:24 a.m.
In the middle of the night, Amy was preparing chamomile tea in her kitchen. Since she had told Sheldon she needed a break to reevaluate their situation earlier that evening, just one day after the fifth anniversary of their first meeting, she had been tossing around in her bed, unable to sleep with all the thoughts running through her head. She loved him to the extent that she felt completely vulnerable around him, so much so that one simple offhanded remark could break her, and tonight it had.
Normally when they kissed she held back, afraid that any movement she made would scare him away. But tonight she had really opened up to him. This time she didn't hold back during their kiss. And boy, had he reciprocated. It was as if, all this time, he had just been waiting for some sign from her. She could still feel the heat of his palm against her shoulder blade, his thumb caressing her thigh and how his lips had moved against hers. And he had leant in for more… how he had said 'anyway' in that seductive voice still sent shivers down her spine when she thought about it. It had been the hardest thing ever to stop him then, but he had hurt her so much with that Flash comment and as usual he hadn't even realized it.
They had been in such a good place during the past few months, and it had been his idea to celebrate the fifth anniversary of their first meeting with an additional date night. He had been cooking for her, it had been a wonderful evening… and then that kiss… She had been as high on endorphins as never before in her life, and then he had brought her crashing down with the speed of light that ironically she felt Flash himself could not have outrun, as he talked about his commitment issues with that character's TV show. Was that really what he had been thinking about? Would this always be the way with him? She had tried so hard to be patient and understanding, but after five years, it seemed as if she was still just one small thought among many in that big, bulbous brain of his even during the hottest make-out session of her life!
Realizing that it was useless to stay in bed, she had decided to get up and try to calm herself with tea. It was kind of ironic she mused, that she seemed to have taken over Sheldon's habits during times of distress. But she had already spent all her tears and needed some liquid now.
As she was sitting at the counter, wearily supporting her aching head on her hands and waiting for the tea to cool off, she heard some shuffling at her door, followed by faint footsteps retreating. She quickly got up and found an envelope slipped under her door. But as she opened the door, no one was to be seen. Her breath caught as she read 'To Amy' on the envelope in Sheldon's elegant handwriting. At least he had respected her wishes and hadn't tried to see her. She didn't know if she would have been able to face him in person now. She wondered how he might have gotten here at this ungodly hour… obviously sleep had eluded him as well tonight.
With shaking hands she opened the envelope and sat back at the counter to read the letter, her tea now forgotten.
"My dear Amy,
I sincerely want to apologize for my behavior – although I still don't understand completely what I have done wrong this time. But before you get angry again and throw this letter away, please hear me out. It has been pointed out to me that your distress might have been caused by something I said. You know I'm not the best in expressing my feelings to you, so my words and actions might have been misleading, and it hurts me to know that I have caused you sorrow. I want you to be happy, because that makes me happy as well. I love you so much by now that there aren't enough cats in the world to replace you at this point. We are so alike that it has occurred to me that you might not be the best in reading body language either. So let me clarify how I felt before you got angry.
First of all, I enjoyed our foreplay immensely. I certainly didn't participate solely for your benefit, if that is what you are thinking. I'm not that altruistic to engage in such activities if I didn't like it myself. When you reciprocated the kiss, it made me finally gather enough courage to touch some more of your alluring body parts. I loved feeling the warmth of your body through the soft fabric of your clothes. When I felt your soft lips moving against mine, I experienced an elevated heart rate and perspiration as well as oxygen deprivation, combined with the sensation of light-headedness, and a pronounced vascular throbbing localized to my nether regions. The only logical conclusion was arousal, and before I met you, I've never felt that around anyone. I still don't – it's only you who does that to me.
It was kind of scary, but I didn't even want to stop. I still do not know how far I might have been willing to go if you hadn't killed the mood – or perhaps from your point of view, it was me who killed the mood. And again it's only you that has ever affected me in this way. Although, now that I think of it, I had experienced similar, but weaker symptoms when I finally got my closure with the dominos you forced me to pack up again. I assume you knew I had to finish this otherwise you would not have left all the items behind when you left that day. But again, that experience also involved you, just like our Dungeons & Dragons game.
I know that you got angry after I talked about the Flash. But I don't understand why. You of all people should know best how my mind works. I just can't stop thinking. You wanted to know if you were in there as well. Therefore I decided to list all that went through my head. So buckle up, little lady, I hereby present to you an uncensored piece of my mind while we were making out, and you know I don't lie:
I'm out of my spot. Why am I not sitting in my spot anymore?
She made me move out of my spot! Oh dear, this is madness, where will it end?
How did her hands get on my shoulders? So much touching…
Human hands have 16.000 nerve receptors per square inch.
All those stimuli create depolarizing currents in the neurons, firing up action potentials to the brain… so many nerve signals coming in right now…
Amy knows all about that. She should measure my anxiety levels now.
Her dress feels so soft. It's nice to touch her.
Let's move my thumb – yes, still feels soft.
Good lord, now I can't stop moving my thumb over and over again.
Her lips are slowly moving; hmm they taste so sweet…
But don't tell Amy, she'll just want more – and then I won't know where to stop!
Then we'll never do anything else and starve eventually.
And we can't deprive mankind of our genius!
Ohh… now her soft little hands are moving over me, what is she doing?
Don't ever stop, it's so invigorating!
When I'm with her, it's just like the flavor-mixing of quarks and leptons.
Now that can lead to unusual and fascinating effects, I have to look into this some more.
Oh yes, if they collide they get shaken as well.
And then they quantum evaporate from a gravitational well breaking their confinements.
I should kick Kripke out and run some simulations on it on our supercomputer.
But not right now, just make a mental note…
Her lips are so soft and warm!
They taste like the strawberries with chocolate I made for dessert.
She didn't comment on it being a natural aphrodisiac.
Didn't she get it or was she just shy?
Even her breath is mingled with its fragrance… we should have that dessert more often.
Oh, I think I finally got her 'dessert is served' joke, she is such a vixen!
Dessert is spelled so similar to desert, why is that so?
One wouldn't care much about dessert in a desert being parched looking for water.
Seventy-two percent of the earth's surface is covered with water.
The average adult male consists to sixty percent of water.
Females have more fatty tissue and only fifty-five percent of water.
I love her ample bottom swaying in front of me when she walks up the stairs.
Let's try to move my hand a bit closer to that spot…
Yay, she's kissing me back more forcefully, don't stop don't stop don't stop…
Eighty million germs are being exchanged right now, and I don't care!
Although… there are other places where I could kiss her with less bacteria involved.
The vagina has a very effective natural barrier for germs.
How would it taste to kiss her there? Hmm…
Oh NO! No vascular throbbing, stop it! All blood back to the brain NOW!
Bad thoughts, bad thoughts, calm down, get down again, behave!
She's still kissing me; I don't want to slow down.
Wow, we are moving fast, I need some air!
The Flash is fast as well. Yes, that's a safe topic.
Why haven't I watched the new series yet?
It could be risky; once started I'd need to watch it till the end even if the quality deteriorates.
Committing to Amy would be safer, I would know better what to expect.
I should ask her; perhaps she would like to watch it with me sometime.
And as we stopped, I told you the last thing that had crossed my mind then. Make of it what you will now. I know some of those thoughts are not worthy of a homo novus, but I've decided to not omit anything. 67.4% of my thoughts at that moment were directly related to you, and another 15.2% were indirectly linked to you as well. Nothing has ever captured such a large amount of my cognitive functions at the same time. There has only been one other thing I've been thinking about during the past months, but this I will only tell you in person.
You have been waiting more or less patiently for five years for me. Although I hope you won't need that much time, I want you to know that I do respect your wishes and that I will be here, waiting as patiently for you, until you're ready to talk to me again. You are so much a part of me now that I can't imagine my life without you anymore. I can't change the way my brain works, but I assure you that you're all over it. And if that's all you need, I will try harder to show you. Please don't give up on us, Amy.
Love, Sheldon"
Amy's lips had formed a big 'o' after she finished reading his explanations. She read the letter again, and then a third time as his words finally sunk in. She knew he would never lie to her. But if those were really his thoughts, why hadn't he mentioned any of it earlier when she had asked him? She was a neuroscientist, not a mind reader. That man could be so infuriating!
Tired as she was, Amy knew there was no way she would be able to sleep now. She really needed to discuss this with him face to face. She did not think that he would have got far after delivering the letter, so she finally picked up her phone and sent him a message.
'Come here.'