A/N and Crystal Energy updates will be added to my profile shortly.
Who am I?
That's the eternal question, isn't it? I guess no one has simple answers.
The 'me' most people always saw was Myoudin Itsuki. The strong Seitokaichou, leader of several clubs, family heir to a school of martial arts. That was the first mask. It was the most painful at first, but family duty, giri, demanded it of me. At least, that was what I always thought.
With time, it got easier, of course. They always do.
Let's get something out of the way. The fanclub just annoyed me. I don't have any problems with Blossom and Marine...with Tsubomi and Erika. They love each other, and that's a part of who they are. Whether they'll get together or not, I don't know, but I've got money in the school's betting pool. By graduation, at the earliest.
They were the first ones to try to pull back the mask. Tsubomi especially. They got to see Itsuki. The little girl who didn't want to grow up and leave things behind. Maybe this is a little more true to the 'real me,' but not really.
I loved the fashion club. I didn't want to admit it, but Erika let me indulge a side of myself that I thought I had to bury. For the sake of tradition. For the sake of image. I didn't even mind Blossom's crush on me the way I did the fangirls. Maybe it's because she actually meant it, the way the fangirls didn't. To the crowds, I was safe. I looked like a boy, but I didn't have the right parts, the right interests. I doubt I could ever love Tsubomi the way she wanted to love me, but at least with her we could have tried to have something.
But in the end, Itsuki was just a mask too, wasn't she? Oh, being Itsuki was fun in a way being Myoudin wasn't. Itsuki could squee and admire cute things and spend hours in front of a mirror, but in her own way she was kind of useless.
Myoudin wasn't useless. She existed to uphold the family honor. She kept the school running at peak efficiency. She kept her sick brother safe from the rigours of martial arts. But, ironically, Myoudin lacked purpose. She simply existed to fulfil the other purposes I had to serve.
Itsuki had nothing but purpose. She wanted to experience, to live. I think, if things had gone differently, I'd have gone down a way different path. Maybe it would have been better, maybe it wouldn't have. We'll never know.
The strange thing was that I kept running into the Precure and Desert Messengers. Myoudin fought them because they were threatening her school. Itsuki fought them because they were going after her source of fun.
But when I fought Kumojacky hand-to-hand, before I met Potpurri, before I had the Perfume...that was the moment Cure Sunshine was really born.
Sunshine believed. Itsuki wasn't really friends with Tsubomi and Erika. Myoudin wouldn't understand friends if they bit her arms off. But that was when I really understood what friends are. Blossom and Marine were my friends, and I would do anything I could to help them.
And when I fought to help my friends, that was when I became Cure Sunshine. The universe just didn't have a name for me yet.
I think that's why I liked Moonlight. She had lost who she was too, even if she never really had to deal with all the different masks I had to wear. Grieving for Cologne must have been hard on her. I know that losing Potpourri was almost the death of me.
The fighting was scary. We almost lost everything so many times. I don't like thinking just how close we all came to the apocalypse. But...it was exhilarating, too.
Seriously. You cannot possibly know what it's like. To be a Precure is to know no limits. Gravity has less hold on you than it would on the moon, if you even bother with it at all. Hands that shatter concrete like mine can suddenly dent a main battle tank.
And the opponents...we were like the monks and samurai of old, facing legendary threats. A Desertarian is a monster that should be the subject of an epic poem, and the Messengers made them on what seemed like a daily basis.
And the Messengers themselves...their generals were a worthy opponent. Or the Sunacky, silly in their own way but still dangerous. Dark Precure, the professor, and even Dune. It was...well, Myoudin would have called it magnificent. And it was a rush the whole time. But the fact that it was a battle of good against evil, and that I was helping people. That made it all worthwhile.
But that leads me to now. The fight is over.
Blossom has her dreams. Marine would never stop being a fashion designer even if you blinded her, she'd just learn to tell colors by touch or something. And Moonlight has finally learned to move on.
But, how can I? I didn't set out to define myself by being Precure, but being Precure has defined me.
The faeries still visit us, of course. I look forward to these days more than anything, because I can get back a little of what I lost. Potpurri said 'desu' for the first time without slurring it the other day. I was so proud of him.
But the world doesn't need Cure Sunshine anymore. The Desert Messengers are gone. I've heard about other threats, in other cities, but they have their own Cures. Their own fighters. Their own fights. I would just be intruding.
And even if I weren't, if they really needed me, I can't just take Potpourri from his important task. It would be selfish. He has to help the Heart Tree grow. The world needs the Heart Tree.
The world doesn't need Cure Sunshine anymore.
It's just too bad. Because I am Sunshine.
And I don't know what to do.