Title: I'm No Good
Author: y0ungalaska
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes and ABC. I own nothing, but my ideas.
Summary: "I cheated myself, like I knew I would. I told you, I was trouble. You know that I'm no good."
A/N: So I've been working on this story. I'm about eight chapters in and I thought I'd go ahead and post it. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but at least most of it is written, right? Right. So… yeah, enjoy :) Oh, and all mistakes are my own.
"I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told you, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good…"
(You Know I'm No Good; Amy Winehouse)
Callie sat at the bar, swirling the liquid that sat within the glass. Her thoughts were somewhat all over the place; her emotions were a mixture of everything and nothing at all. It had been a long night. Hell, it had been a long couple of months, if she were to tell the truth.
Her thoughts wandered off to the place where she was trying her hardest not to go and within seconds, she downed the liquid and sat, stone-faced, as it made its way down her throat; the burning sensation a reminder that she could still feel something.
"Hey Joe," she called out, waving the bartender over, "another one? Double this time."
The man nodded from behind the counter, grabbing the bottle of Whiskey and a new glass before pouring up a double shot and sliding it down to the brunette. He watched as she stared straight into the glass, losing herself once again. Shaking his head, he walked to the opposite side of the bar and began tending to the other customers.
Callie rarely ever chose Whiskey as her drink, but when she did, most people knew there was something wrong. The problem was; she refused to talk about it. Actually, if you asked any of her closest friends, she refused to talk about anything. Her plan was always to drink away the pain until her body and mind were numb enough for her to go home, sleep it off and do it all over again.
It was a rare occasion, but when it happened, those closest to her worried a great deal.
The Latina felt her phone vibrate and looked down to it, immediately pressing the ignore button. Tonight, she wanted nothing more than to be alone; to enjoy her drinking and then to make her way home where she could strip herself bare and fall into a drunken coma until she felt the need to rise and do it all over again.
This is what her nights off had consisted of. Rarely would she drink when she had to work. Well, she wouldn't get completely shit-faced, but she would drink enough to relax. She wasn't an alcoholic by any means, but when it came to numbing the pain she was feeling, she would drink as much as she could take if it meant she didn't have to feel anything.
Once again, she looked over to her vibrating phone and sighed. She didn't even have the strength to push the ignore button. And so it vibrated until it went to her voicemail. Mark had to understand; he knew her better than anyone in this world. She knew that was the reason for his incessant calling, but when she told him that she wanted to spend tonight alone, she thought he, of all people, would understand that.
Sipping her drink, she chanced a glance around the semi-packed bar, taking in the patrons that decided to come in on a Friday night. A few of her colleagues were even present, ever so often stealing glances at her but never daring to approach her. Everyone knew, in some way or another, what Callie was going through and so they opted to give her the space she needed, promising to only intervene if and when things got out of hand.
But they never would. Or at least, not where they could see. No, in their presence, Callie was the picture of perfection. Although hurt, she would never let them see the real pain she was in; the way her decisions and the consequences they brought truly affected the brunette. No one would ever see that because Callie knew how to hold it together. At least, until she was alone; until she could break without someone over her shoulder, constantly asking her if she was okay or if she needed anything. Her intention wasn't to be mean, but what she wanted right now was to be alone.
Taking the glass between both hands, she swallowed hard, trying desperately to hold back the tears that were threatening, once again, to fall. Letting out a ragged breath, she brought the glass to her lips, tilting her head back, and drank until the liquid was no more. Turning her attention back to the bar, she motioned for Joe. "Hey Joe, one more double before I go."
"You sure, Callie? You've had quite a lot tonight." The man spoke with nothing but concern.
Nodding, she waved her hand as to let him know that she was sure and he did as she asked.
As she took a sip from her glass, she felt eyes on her. Turning to her right, she noticed a blonde sitting beside her. She must have let herself slip back into the depths of her mind because she failed to notice the woman sit down.
"Drowning your troubles?" Callie heard the blonde ask. Peering over, she realized the blonde was looking straight ahead, sipping on her own glass.
Timidly, the Latina answered. "Something like that."
Turning back to her glass, she waited, expecting the blonde to speak once more. She didn't and a silence passed between them for about ten minutes.
Finally, the blonde turned her attention to the woman beside her. "Do you want to talk about it?" She offered, glass to her lips, before taking a sip.
Callie let out a laugh that sounded foreign. "Not to be rude, but I don't know you. So thank you for the offer, but I think I'll pass."
She watched as the blonde shrugged, "Understandable. It's just that I've found it much easier to talk to a stranger that you'll probably never see again instead of talking to someone close to you. There are no expectations; no judgment."
Noticing that the brunette was now just looking at her, the blonde spoke again. "Would it be easier if I told you my name at least?"
"Why are you so interested in me?" Callie asked. She wasn't trying to sound rude, but the fact that there were so many other people in this bar and the blonde had singled her out, probing her, both interested and kind of irritated her. She wanted to be alone.
"You look like you need to talk." The blonde answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"You don't want to talk to me." Callie found herself responding before her mind could figure out that her mouth was moving.
"I beg to differ. I'm here, aren't I?" The blonde smiled and for the first time, Callie caught sight of her dimples. This woman was attractive, to say the least. But right now, she was in no state to even consider the possibility of… "Everyone has their moments; everyone has times where they want to just… drink and be alone. And if this is one of those moments, and I'm intruding, don't be afraid to tell me to get the hell out of your hair."
The blonde waited and when she got no response, she continued. "It's just that you look a little upset." She finished her small speech off with a nod of her head before returning to her drink.
"I appreciate it… what you're doing, but I can't talk about it." Callie spoke. "With you or anyone." She whispered before finishing off the rest of her drink and pushing her glass to the inside edge of the bar.
"Ok." The blonde simply looked at her through squinted eyes, studying the Latina. There was something about this woman, she knew. She also knew that she wanted to get to know her, but could tell that the brunette was in no mood to indulge in anything remotely resembling a deep conversation. Biting the inside of her lip, she nodded. Before the Latina could leave, she reached out, offering a hand, "Arizona."
Callie looked at the offered hand, first confused, before taking it into her own. "Callie."
Arizona smiled, once again letting her dimples show, before retracting her hand from Callie's. "It was really nice to meet you. And you know, if ever… the offer still stands."
Callie let a small smile cross her features, "It was nice to meet you too, Arizona. And thanks, you know, for the offer."
Collecting her things, she made her way out of the bar and into the Seattle air. Sleep would definitely do her good right now.