Natsu felt as if his world was crumbling down around him.
Gray held his fore arm against Natsu's throat, ice sharpened to a deadly blade along the length between his wrist and elbow. Flecks of red were caught in the translucent weapon, a reminder of where they were and what had brought this all to a head.
"How could you fucking be END?" Gray hissed. Natsu held his rival's -his guildmate's, his friend's, his brother's- desperate glare and watched as it turned cold and distant. The blade pressed deeper into his throat, burning cold sizzling where it touched Natsu's overheated skin. "Why was it you."
Natsu's mouth twisted in a grimace, and he knew that Gray knew he knew. Because the wall the ice mage had been building crumpled and agony and rage swam through Gray's dark eyes. Natsu stood still with his back pinned to the crumbling brick wall as Lucy finally ripped Gray off of him, screaming at Gray to stop and demanding to know what the hell was wrong with him. Natsu broke his gaze with Gray and looked down, fists shaking as he clenched them too tightly.
He couldn't. He couldn't watch as Gray told Lucy and Natsu lost everything he had been fighting so hard to protect. He couldn't lose his family aga-
"The bastard didn't tell you. Of course not. Why would a monster think of others."
Gray spat the words with a venom Natsu had never heard before. He closed his eyes, and dug his nails into his palms. Wetness seeped between his fingers, the copper scent masked by the carnage around them.
"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Lucy shrieked, grip tight on Gray's shoulders. Natsu couldn't help the ghost of a grin that flitted across his face. Lucy must really be worked up to swear like that, and a humourless laugh shook his shoulders as he thought about the first time he had heard her swear. He had burned her favourite shirt, and only pleading and begging for forgiveness on his knees had gotten the fuming blonde to stop ignoring Natsu.
Natsu wished he could go back in time to when those were the most serious problems they faced.
"Natsu is END. Been hiding right in front of us all this time. Thought us mere humans would be too stupid to figure it out, I guess." Natsu's head shot up to frown at Gray. Why was he speaking like Natsu had known all along? He knew Gray was an idiot but there was no way he was that stupid. Or maybe he was just blinded by anger and betrayal. Natsu couldn't blame him for that. How could he?
"I think you've been hit in the head too many times Gray. You're not making sense. This is Natsu were talking about!" Lucy shot back, her voice confident and sure, a warmth in her honey eyes as she looked at Natsu. His strength left him at her trusting look, searching for reassurance where he knew there was none to be found. Natsu dropped his chin again, trying to sink into the wall behind him, the destroyed side of the building as out of place in the centre of a wooden clearing as Natsu had apparently been in all his time in Fairy Tail.
"Natsu?" Natsu turned his head away and shut his eyes tightly. He couldn't look at her, not when she spoke with such a broken and confused tone. "Gray's wrong, right? You're not... You... I know you! Natsu, tell me he's wrong!" Lucy questioned him, her voice cracking and getting higher as his condemning silence sunk over her. "Please." Lucy whispered, and Natsu finally looked up at her.
"Luce-" he started, throat constructing and making her name sound rough and broken as it left his lips.
"No!" Lucy cut him off, shaking her head and stepping away from the pair of boys. "Don't- Don't 'Luce' me!"
Natsu reached out a hand to her, pushing off his only stabilizer. She was leaving, just like he feared. But Lucy would never abandon her friends. He knew that. He knew it damn it! Natsu opened his mouth to tell her, to explain, to say something before it was too late. Gray had stepped in the path between him and Lucy, a sword made of ice humming with power in his left hand. Purple ice, ice meant for killing a demon. A weapon designed to kill something like Natsu.
"I didn't know! Before, I- it only- Lucy please," Natsu begged, frozen in his spot. He looked over Gray's shoulder, looking between the two closest people in the world to him. People who had made it their mission to destroy him. "When I fought Zeref. He, he told me. I didn't know if I could believe it. I mean, what the fuck? How the fuck did I get brought back to life by my insane older brother after being killed 400 years ago? I don't even know how old I am." Natsu gripped at his hair, falling back against the brick behind him, dust paling the pink hue from the force of his collision. Now that the words had started, Natsu didn't know how to stop them. "But then he stabbed the book and," Natsu touched his fingertips to his gut, "I knew it was true."
He focused on Lucy, watched the tears fall freely down her cheeks and drip from her chin. Her eyes held pain -oh gods, so much pain Natsu never wanted to see there- but no hate. Anger, but no hopelessness. He wanted to cry, his love swallowing all the guilt and self hatred inside him, strength surging through his limbs. He hadn't lost her.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Lucy asked quietly, Natsu's shoulder sagging in relief. He hadn't lost his family.
"There was never a time. I, I couldn't stand the thought of you looking at me like you're doing right now. I- I was afraid."
"God damn it Natsu!" Lucy screamed suddenly, Natsu flinching back from her outburst. "I'm your teammate! I, I thought I was supposed to be your best friend! I know everyone deals with things differently but gods above Natsu you can't keep dealing with things by burying them and disappearing!" Natsu's lips thinned. He knew he had hurt her, that year he was gone. He had convinced himself a note would be enough, that Natsu had needed to work through things on his own. And he had. The year had been good for him. But he never imagined he would have left Lucy feeling abandoned. Alone.
They still hadn't talked about it, but when was the time. Natsu didn't know how to voice to her how he felt, what he had been thinking. He also knew Lucy would bring up how Happy had gone with Natsu, but how could Natsu tell her it hadn't even occurred to him to not bring the exceed? And then how could he tell Lucy that they were a team, when her team had left her behind? Natsu knew Lucy wasn't ready for Natsu to tell her she was different, that his feelings for her were different than anyone else he had ever known. Would she even believe him?
"I'm sorry." Natsu choked out instead.
"You don't believe all that bullshit, do you?" Gray snarled, head nodding over his shoulder but his glare never leaving Natsu. "Everything he says is a lie. He's fucking END Lucy!"
"No! He's Natsu! Our Natsu!" Lucy shouted back, rushing forward and putting her hand on his shoulder once more. Gray shook her off roughly.
"Gods, don't you get it? There was never 'our Natsu'! He never existed! Only ever been this goddamn hell spawn. He's the reason we're in this fucking shit show of a war! He's the reason Juvia's dead!"
Silence echoed over the clearing. Lucy's hand covered her mouth and Natsu's ears rang. "Juvia's-"
"Shut up!" Gray roared, pointing his sword tip at Natsu. "Just fucking shut up and die."
"No!" Lucy cried out, blonde hair swirling in slow motion before Natsu's eyes. Her body was now in front of him, arms splayed as a shield between him and Gray. "Gray, you're wrong. None of this is Natsu's fault. He's Natsu. He's still our family." Lucy looked over at Natsu and smiled at him weakly. "He'll always be my family."
"Get out of the way Lucy." Gray warned, his sword wavering slightly before the ice mage tightened his grip.
"Oi, don't you point that at her!" Natsu said lowly, Gray's eyes flashing as he looked at him.
"Do you think I want to! That I want this?" Gray screamed, ice particles swirling around his feet in an agitated whirlwind.
"Why don't we just talk Gray? Please, there has to be some-"
"No." Gray said sharply. His voice was flat, and black climbed up his bare chest and arms in slow, jagged lines. "I'm finishing this, for everyone we've lost because of him and Zeref. It ends here."
Natsu ran forwards, panic seizing him as he rested a hand on Lucy's elbow, ready to pull her out of the way when she spoke. "Gate of the Lion, Celestial Bubble!"
Light flared around them, golden static making Natsu's nerves go numb. He felt Lucy's hand intertwine with his, and gawked at her watery smile before darkness exploded around them, filled with colourful orbs and trails of sparklingly light.
"It'll be okay Natsu. I promise. I'm not losing you again."