Foot in front of the other.
That foot in front of the other.
Step.
Goooooooood.
Now, again, but with this foot this time.
Lift it... yes.
Swing.
Thump.
You've fallen.
Get back up.
Yes, it hurts.
Grab your stomach.
Push the stuff back in.
Hold it, it'll heal.
It always does.
Now... up!
Yes, it hurts.
Cuts hurt.
Holes hurt.
...Now, again, lift that foot.
No, don't worry about your eye.
It's dark in that eye, but don't worry.
It'll be good again in a few minutes...
Maybe a little more.
Yesssssssssssssssssss.
That's how to do it.
Another step.
Don't look back.
Don't look at the trail of blood.
Just keep walking.
Crawling.
The apartment is a long way away.
That's a lot of steps.
.
.
.
Pain.
Pain as you get up.
Your blood stuck to the sheets.
It tears...
But don't worry.
They just needed somebody to get angry with.
Somebody to call demon.
Somebody to call monster.
Somebody to stab.
Somebody to cut.
Somebody to hurt.
But that's okay.
Isn't it?
You don't get angry.
So, you don't need to stab.
So, you don't need to cut.
So, you don't need to hurt people.
They can't help but get angry.
You understand.
Lots of six year olds get stabbed.
Lots of six year olds get cut.
Lots of six year olds get hurt.
They heal too.
You understand.
And it's okay.
...It's easier to get up now.
The pain is all gone.
Your eye works again.
Sit up.
Stand up.
It's just another day.
.
.
.
The water is cold.
Icy.
Just like yesterday.
Why don't they remember to turn it on?
They forget to turn on the hot water most days.
Cold...
And everyone is cold.
That's what the nice lady upstairs says.
Shivering. You can't get out yet.
If you aren't clean they'll kick you out.
You don't want to be on the streets again.
Going numb...
It must be confusing, having a different person turn it on each day.
No wonder they forget.
And then everyone has a cold shower.
But that's okay.
Everyone forgets now and then.
.
.
.
The ramen smells funny today.
You don't know what it is.
Chicken.
Vegetables.
Something else...
It's that same thing you had a little while back.
All the ones they bought for you this time smell like it.
Does it taste good?
It tastes... yucky.
But that's okay.
It's still food.
Ramen!
You clench suddenly.
Your stomach hurts.
More than usual.
You fall from your chair.
Vomit.
More vomit.
It looks like ramen.
It smells like that other thing.
Vomit again.
.
.
.
Jiji-san, who decides who turns on the water each day?
The old hokage looks down.
He gives you the strangest look.
Maybe I could do it some day!
You wouldn't forget.
You'd make sure everyone had hot water.
.
.
.
Your seventh birthday.
You go to the festival.
It's incredible.
Lights flash through the sky.
You're there for about five minutes.
Somebody is angrier than normal.
They drag you away.
You find out why they're angry.
They say that a demon shouldn't have beautiful hair.
They cut it off.
Then they cut deeper.
But you don't remember that bit.
.
.
.
Don't squirm.
It hurts... but its a good hurt.
She called it a vaccination.
It makes it so you can't get sick.
You've only ever thrown up.
You do that when you eat the funny ramen.
You haven't done that in a while.
Maybe this will stop that.
Then you can eat more ramen.
Then you won't always be hungry.
You turn to look at the pain.
The needle is huge.
A lot of stuff is needed for a vaccination.
A little more pain.
You don't like hospitals.
But you can leave once this is finished.
Then a bit more than that.
She smiles.
It's finished.
You jump up.
Your heart hurts.
It hurts like it does every day.
But not when you can't feel it over your stomach pains.
But today...
Now...
It hurts anyway.
You stumble.
It aches...
...It's gone.
You smile.
You thank the nurse.
She was nice.
She helped you.
You don't catch her stunned expression as you run off.
She wonders the lethal injection didn't kill you.
.
.
.
Apple.
An apple.
It's lying on the road.
Something has bitten it.
A chunk is gone.
You look.
You look again.
Nobody comes for it.
It's all yours.
You rush home.
You cradle the squishy red thing in your arms.
.
.
.
Water.
Warm water.
Warm salty water.
It's been three years since you found out that they turn on the water in areas separately.
Last year you found out they do each house individually.
Today, you found out that it's not like that at all.
It hurts more than anything.
.
.
.
The first time it was an accident.
You made a mistake.
You messed something up.
And for a moment, they looked at you.
Glared at you.
Insulted you.
...But didn't hurt you.
So you do it again.
And again.
And they don't hurt you as much.
They just glare and spit and curse.
You know that they get angry.
They still call you demon.
They still call you monster.
But when you do that, they don't hurt you.
You know they get angry.
They need somebody to be angry at.
They still stab.
They still cut.
They still hurt.
But not you.
When you do this.
When you act like this.
These pranks.
They don't do it to you.
You know how it is.
When you are that way, you knew they will stab other people.
When you are that way, they cut other people.
When you are that way, they hurt other people.
You cry yourself to sleep at night, because you know how selfish you are.
.
.
.
An apple!
Just like a month ago.
Just like before.
You take it home.
A knife.
A sharp knife.
Just like the ones they stab you with.
You cut the apple.
You cut away the sides.
You reveal the core.
And you bite it.
It's warm and squishy and a little juicy.
You eat it greedily.
You find the seeds.
You eat them too.
You look at the rest of the apple.
The bad bits.
Just like the man at the market told you.
You throw them away.
.
.
.
You got into the academy.
A ninja.
You were training to be a ninja.
You couldn't believe your luck.
Your first test.
The teachers said they were worried about you, and hadn't let you try the weapons yet.
It's so nice to have someone that cares.
Now, they gave you some special shuriken.
They said they will help you pass the test.
You fail.
They yell at you.
And then they kick you out.
You don't get to try the rest of the tests.
It hurts a little, but you know they care.
.
.
.
Outside the academy.
You sit on the swing.
Watching as they come out.
You hear that strange word.
Mother.
Another.
Father.
You wonder what they mean.
You watch some more.
Your heart hurts again.
It hurts to think about it.
That's why you never see them coming.
A few people were angry today.
Your clothes are shredded.
Only one part left.
Your underwear hangs by a thread.
But its okay.
You don't want to be selfish today.
.
.
.
It's been four years now.
You're eleven.
You've kept your hair as short as possible since then.
Sometimes you cut yourself.
But that's okay.
Your hair matted with red.
That's okay too.
.
.
.
It was bad today.
The ninja came.
Darkness.
They were very angry.
Hurtsssssssssssssss.
They stabbed you a lot.
Darkness.
You've seen those knives before.
Never got to use them.
Darkness.
You can feel your legs now.
Stand up.
No, don't cry.
It hurts, but don't cry.
Darkness.
You can't see.
They stabbed both eyes.
But you can stand.
Gooooooooooooood.
Don't fall.
Stand up.
It's just another day.