I Wish I never met you!
I wish I never met you! The same phrase kept repeating over and over in special agent Anthony DiNozzo's mind. How true those words turned out to be for both of them.
Was any of it real? "YES"! They were the first real feelings he had ever let himself develop outside friendship.
What a mistake and now I can't even have plain old meaningless sex. God I miss it! I didn't know how great it was to make love with someone you wanted to know. Someone you wanted to please more than yourself. It was defiantly a whole new experience for me one which I can't have again, ever!
Plain old sex isn't enough anymore and I won't risk going thru that hell again just to have that moment when you are both sated and you don't know where you end and she begins!
I don't want her back, I have moved past it but the consequences of that assignment are too much to live with. Like the fallout of a Nuclear Bomb that went off inside me!
I lost myself. Anthony DiNozzo sex machine can't even seal the deal! Almost two years now and all I can think of is I wish I never met you! What was so bad about the old DiNozzo with a new girl every week. It was fun! I never got bored and I met nearly every type of woman out there. I thought this would come in handy someday when I decided to starting looking for a wife and a mother for the little DiNozzo's.
Maybe Ziva was right! I have changed, grownup. I should be looking for a woman not a girl. But after Jeanne the real thing just doesn't seem to be for me.
I have had enough of the people I love walking away from me. It is something that is buried so deep inside me, rejection, I can't handle it. Even Gibbs walked away once and I was pathetically grateful to have him back. It's not a side of me that I like to acknowledge exist. Like a frightened child! Much easier to be the confirmed bachelor who likes a different girl at my side every weekend the more beautiful the better.
Abby has been the only woman in my life that seems to love me no matter what! Like the little sister I never had. Unconditional love is supposed to come from your parents but mine were genetically faulty in that department. I have always supposed that is why I was unable to have a lasting relationship with a woman.
Jeanne taught me that I am capable of deep emotions and I am grateful to her for that. Who knows if we would have made it if I hadn't been deceiving her about my identity. I think that is why I was able to let myself open up to her because I was pretending to be someone else, someone normal, not damaged emotionally. It was great being a professor, a charming, witty guy that had no baggage. I liked her, I mean I really, really liked her! Smart, beautiful, sexy and charming, very easy to fall in love with!
The fact that I have let this go on so long is starting to frighten me. I thought I hid it well until Tara saw right thru my act.
Be a man! That is what I need to do. Be a man! But with who? Who is the right woman for me? I will take Tara's advise and stop trying to score with just anyone.
For a while I thought Ziva would be the one to get me thru this drought. When she went to Israel she found someone, the guy in the picture. Things haven't been the same since she came back. I don't feel her watching me and she barely flirts anymore. At one time I think we would have been good together but I was to afraid of disappointing Gibbs.
Besides with our job either of us could be killed at anytime and that is just asking for heartbreak for both of us!
Someday soon when I least expect it this torture will end!
"DiNozzo! David! Undercover assignment!"
"Who are we?"
"A lounge singer and her manager."
"Glam up Ziva!