"A New Beginning"
Author's Note: I'm not sure how long this story will be, or how it'll end up, so I'd really appreciate some feedback.
Story: An Abby/Luka/Carter triangle
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters; they all belong to Warner Bros.
Spoilers: Everything in season six, and a few things from seven, but no major storylines.
Tragedy struck the ER on Valentine's Day, of all the times of the year. Lucy Knight and John Carter had been stabbed, and Lucy died. Carter had a tough recovery, and later that spring, Abby Lockhart discovered his painkiller addiction. Peter Benton took Carter to rehab in Atlanta, and Abby was left alone all summer consumed with feelings of guilt. Had she done the right thing? She told herself over and over that she had. Abby knew the signs of addiction, having been an alcoholic. The moodiness and depression were present in Carter, and of course, denial. She hoped that when he returned, they would be on good terms, or life in the ER could be very difficult.
Summer passed slowly for Abby as she picked up extra nursing hours; now that Carol Hathaway was gone, another nurse was needed. The humid streets of Chicago were filled with residents and tourists alike, only they made Abby feel lonelier somehow. The happy families and couples in love simply reminded Abby of what she once had and hoped for. What did she have now? A divorce, no money, and no real friends. Sure, she had passing conversations with Elizabeth Corday, Jing-mei Chen and the nurses, but no one really to confide in. That's what she missed most about marriage: someone to talk to.
Luka Kovac sat in his hotel room alone, as always. The lights were off and he tried to sleep, but tonight his mind was too busy. Earlier that day he had lost three patients; a mother and her two children. His own family was dead, along with his spirit, in Croatia. Luka's mind conjured the smiling image of his wife. She was beautiful, with eyes as dark and majestic as the night sky. Both of their children had her eyes, which had held unspeakable terror the night that their innocent lives were taken. He would give anything to have them back.
Luka forced the thought from his mind; the memories carried too much pain. So, instead he thought about work and the patients he had seen, but then he came to Carol and how her absence was so sorely felt in the ER. Carol Hathaway…had he really loved her? How many times had he pictured her as his wife, and him acting as father for her twin girls, Kate and Tess? But, Carol was still in love with Dr. Doug Ross, so she moved to Seattle to be with him. No one who could abandon someone like Carol with two beautiful daughters deserves her, he thought bitterly. Her last words still rang in his head, months later. "You'll find someone, Luka. Someone who will love you as much as your wife did. You'll find her." But would he?
Carol was the first person in America that he had opened up to, only to have his heart broken. He wasn't sure if he could survive any more disappointment and loss.
John Carter had spent three long months in Atlanta undergoing detox and therapy. He was much changed. Carter was harder and more lost than he ever had been.
At first he was angry. Angry with Paul Sobricki, his attacker; angry with Peter Benton and Kerry Weaver for forcing him into rehab, and angry with Abby Lockhart for recognizing his addiction. Then he realized he needed to go on, and make amends. Carter could never quite forgive Sobricki, mentally though he was, because Sobricki had murdered Carter's med student, Lucy Knight. He was never in love with Lucy, but there were all the "what ifs" that tortured him. Carter easily forgave Benton and Weaver; they truly cared, and he was very lucky that he wasn't fired.
And then there was Abby Lockhart. He thought about her quite often, and imagined the different ways he could apologize and thank her. If it hadn't been for Abby, he would probably be dead. Carter thought of writing her a letter, but decided doing it in person would be better.
On the plane back to Chicago, he made a mental list of things to do. The first would be to go to the hospital and find Abby.
Chicago was the same as when Carter had left it three months ago. When he stepped off the plane, Carter recognized a familiar figure at the back of the crowd: Peter Benton.
"Carter, how are you?" Peter said as they greeted each other.
"Great," he lied.
"We've all missed you around here," Benton said as they got Carter's luggage and went out to his car.
"How is everyone?" Carter asked.
"Kerry and Romano are their usual sunny selves."
"Of course."
"Carol left for Seattle right after you."
"Is everything working out for her and Doug?"
"Yeah," Peter said with a smile. "Mark just heard from Doug last week. Kate and Tess are doing well too. And Mark and Elizabeth bought a house together; they just got engaged last week."
"Really? That's great," Carter said, with what he hoped was enthusiasm.
"There was some surprising news about Jing-mei. She's pregnant." Carter raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, that's what everyone said," Peter replied.
"How are you and Cleo doing?" Carter asked.
"Oh, you know…she really has a good relationship with Reese now. She's learning sign language and everything."
"Has Malucci grown up any?"
"God no," Peter said with a laugh.
"What about Kovac?"
"Well, after Carol left he started moping around in his own world. With everything that's happened to him, I can understand."
"And Abby?" Carter asked hesitantly.
"Abby? She picked up a lot of nursing hours over the summer. I think I heard her tell Kerry that her divorce was finalized. And then her tuition wasn't paid or something, so she's out of med school and back to nursing full time."
Carter looked out the window and realized they were already at the hospital.
"Weaver and Greene wanted to talk to you right away," Peter said as he parked the car. Carter took a deep breath before he got out and walked through the doors of the ER.
Mark and Kerry were waiting for him in the conference room.
"Good to have you back, Carter," Mark said as they both shook his hand.
"As I'm sure you've guessed," Kerry began, "there will be consequences for your actions." Carter simply nodded.
"You will be required to attend AA or NA meetings everyday for a year, be subjected to urine tests and your duties here in the ER will be restricted for several months. We're being extremely lenient because of the circumstances surrounding your addiction. Any questions?"
"Does everyone know?" Carter asked.
"Only the ER doctors plus Abby. Everyone else thinks that you burned out because of stress and took a leave of absence. Romano doesn't even know, but we've had a very tough time keeping it from him," Mark replied.
"Okay. Thank you…when can I start again?"
"Three weeks," Kerry replied, as her beeper went off. "I've got to go, see you later. Good to have you back, Carter," she said as she limped out of the room.
"You know, you can take more time off if you need it," Mark said.
"No, I just want to get back as soon as I can."
"Okay."
"I heard about you and Elizabeth. Congratulations."
"Thanks… are you sure you're all right, Carter?"
"Absolutely," he replied. Then there was an awkward pause.
"Well, I'd better get back to work," said Mark.
"Okay, thanks…Say, could you tell me if Abby Lockhart is on tonight?"
"Yeah, I think she is. Want me to go get her? Last time I checked she was in Trauma 1."
"No, that's okay. I'll find her."
"Welcome back, Carter," Mark said as he left the room.
Carter left the conference room and entered the ER. Nothing had changed; the usual mix of doctors, patients, nurses, and police officers roamed around. He spotted Abby across the room, just as she turned around, and their eyes met. He walked over to her.
"Dr. Carter," Abby began nervously.
"Hi, Abby."
"How are you?"
"Better, thank you…when do you get off?"
She checked her watch. "Ten minutes."
"I was wondering if I could take you out…to explain—"
"You don't have to," she cut him off. "I understand."
"Abby—"
"Dr. Carter, really, you don't need to."
"I want to," he said firmly. In his eyes Abby saw part of the old Carter that had disappeared last spring.
"Okay."
"So, how've you been," Carter asked. They had ended up at Doc Magoo's, familiar territory to them both.
"It's been sort of a rough summer," Abby told him with a weak sort of smile.
"I heard that you're back to nursing? What happened to med school?"
"Well, my husband, or actually my ex-husband, didn't pay my tuition."
"Are you going back?"
"I don't know. It seems like all I ever did as a student was screw up. I'm probably better off as a nurse."
"That's not true… You should've seen me when I was a student," Carter said with a laugh.
After a pause, Carter spoke again. "Abby, I need to tell you something, and please just listen…I'm so sorry for my reaction last spring when you confronted me. Jesus, I'm sorry. I've been thinking about it all summer."
"I forgave you a long time ago, Dr. Carter."
"Carter."
"Okay."
"And, thank you…for saving my life. I don't know where I'd be without you…probably dead."
"I understand what you're going through. And I know that's what everyone's probably saying to you, but…I'm an alcoholic. I do know what you're feeling."
"I didn't know," Carter said, a little shocked.
"It's not something I like to brag about. It started when my marriage was falling apart, but come to think of it, it was falling apart from the beginning."
"How did you get through it?"
"I went to med school and worked at the same time, so I was really busy. And the meetings helped. I had a really great sponsor."
"How long have you been sober?"
"Five years."
"Five years? And you still go to the meetings?"
"They're comforting. It's always good to know that no matter how bad you have it, there's always someone out there who has it worse."
Carter walked Abby home that night. She seemed so sad and lonely. When they got to the door he looked into her eyes.
"Goodnight, and thank you for dinner," Abby said.
"Goodnight, Abby," he said, but he still looked into her eyes. "I'll call you tomorrow," he said and then walked away.
Abby went into her apartment and got ready for bed. She lay awake, unable to sleep, thinking about that evening's events. Abby hadn't had someone to confide in for a long time, and she smiled to herself. Perhaps Carter was the friend that she so badly needed.