Note from me 26/06/2013. this was the first fic I wrote on the site and it was horrible. but I kept what I had of it up because I can see how my writing has changed, which is why i was using this site in the first place. over the years I have changed bits (saving the copies) and now I'm doing it again. rewriting and changing to my liking. there are moments where I'm like,,,, this is beyond hope. but I'm still changing it, because it reminds me of me (weird huh) anyway I'm going to update and finish it.
warnings: I'm not going to give many, but its angst for a reason. It's also two boys as characters for a reason. don't read unless you can deal with the horror!
however~ just for this chapter a warning - rape or something of the like.
disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. duh and I'm not gonna say it again
Title: Self Destruction.
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Chapter 1: How it started.
"Ahh I don't want to do this." A tall boy with purple make up on his face whined. He adjusted his hoodie and tried again, "I don't want to leave the sand."
"Shut up Kankuro," The blonde girl finally snapped back, "the leaf village has offered to help us, in our family's time of need. For Gaara's sake we can't stay in the sand, not with him. We are going to start again in the leaf and be a family. Gaara can go to school, be normal, and for the first time in his life he might actually make some friends. We are so lucky for this chance, so stop complaining."
Kankuro looked down at his feet, "yeah I know Temari, it's just, this is going to be hard for me, for us." He corrected quickly, "I can't imagine how hard it will be for Gaara, I don't know, but I think it will be impossible."
"Don't say that. I think him being in a school, getting actual contact with other ninja is a vast improvement." Temari replied taking off again.
Ahead of the pair was a red-haired boy, he was standing still watching the horizon. He could feel his siblings energy slowly moving towards him. Ahead of him he could only see green, this land was overwhelming. So many colours, way more than the sepia browns and yellows of the sand. He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he thought of home. He would never see it again. He was glad to leave, he really was. But it was called home for a reason, after all his mother was buried there. His life started there.
The boy was white as a roman statue, which only served to make his red hair stand out like blood pouring from a flesh wound. His eyes were bright green and painted thick with black eye-liner; in his head he thought it would expose less of who he was if people couldn't see his eyes well. But unfortunately his eyes were huge, not only that, he had a tattoo meaning 'love' that sat on his forehead, so no matter how hard he tried to fade into the shadows, people always noticed him. He sighed, frustrated, waiting for his siblings was boring, this place was over stimulating and made him want to run and hide. He sighed again and swayed on one foot, his traveling clothes were chafing. He knew he shouldn't have worn black skinny leg jeans and a fish net shirt out on this kind of distance, but it was the only thing that made the morning bearable. On his back he shifted the strange gourd filled with sand into a better position and sat down waiting for his older brother and sister.
"Gaara?" He heard his sister call out his name followed by footsteps coming towards where he was seated, "oh there you are." She said walking up to him, "the leaf village isn't far now, come."
Gaara didn't say anything; he had nothing to say, nor did he want to talk about the situation. Slowly he got to his feet and leapt soundlessly into the trees.
Lady Tsunade sat in her office trying to avoid work.
It has been a long day, she thought, leaning back in her chair. "My nails need cleaning," she muttered and looked at her coffee cup, "coffee needs refilling. So much to do. Can't do any paperwork with an empty mug Shizune." Tsunade smiled to herself, perfect excuse to get out of reading reports.
A knock on the door made Tsunade frown, "Come in Shizune," she sighed, "unfortunately i need another coffee before i can-"
Tsunade cut herself off and watched as the three sand siblings walked in and stood in a line. The youngest, Gaara looked extremely tired. She had heard all about these three but never had the pleasure to actually meet them. A week ago when the oldest asked her for this favour in exchange for their service as ninja in the village, she jumped at the chance.
"Ah there you three are, I am Tsunade, you must be Temari, Kankuro and Gaara of the sand. I hope your journey was safe. We had have reports of some disturbances in the area…" Tsunade said with a genuine smile.
"Our journey went smoothly, we are glad that you have allowed us to stay." Said Temari sweetly.
"That's good news." Tsunade shifted some stacks of reports so it looked as if she had been doing something, "Right! You are going to be living in the house we arranged, and I have enrolled Gaara in Konoha high school and ninja academy. His timetable, books and supplies are in this envelope." She said placing the orange package in front of her on the desk, "The school year started last week, but I'm sure that's not a problem. As for you and Kankuro, you will be helping out in missions, but i will try to keep one of you at least in Konoha, so that your brother isn't by himself, outlines for you and Kankuro's duties and missions have also been included in the envelope. But mission specifics will be given on the day. "
"My lady, we know, it's run the same in the sand." Temari said crinkling her forehead and attempting a smile.
"Good then that saves me a lot of explanation." Tsunade said smiling as Kankuro took the envelope from her desk, "also your house has been stocked with food and Konoha clothing, so make the most of it. You will be given a small upfront payment, to help buy anything else you need to help settle in... Also in your package."
"Thanks very much Lady." Kankuro said, out of the corner of his eye he saw Temari's smile falter.
"Anytime, I look forward to seeing you again soon, that's the end of the lecture." She said winking to him as they walked out.
"Well let's be off." Said Kankuro protecting the package containing the money.
They walked slowly across town taking in the sites. This place was bright and everyone seemed friendly enough. Temari made a mental note, observing the markets, that she would be coming back and spending their upfront payment there. Kankuro smiled seeing an adult store, with a cute ninja's face on the window. But Gaara just looked straight ahead; a sense of nervous dread was building in his stomach, making him feel nauseated.
They eventually came to their house, or more an apartment, it was plain looking on the outside, the same as every other house one on the street. Sand stone walls, a couple of windows and a mahogany door.
This is home, thought Gaara numbly.
The inside was simple, nothing too fancy, they had a red leather couch and a small television. Gaara noticed the ninja gear spread throughout the place. A target was painted on one of the walls, for training from the kitchen. There were padded columns spread throughout the space, in the place of one of them a boxing bag had been added.
"A shinobi house." Kankuro said. Gaara nodded, the house had been built for easy access to and from the building, he also noticed that the walls had been recently painted brown, similar to their house in the sand.
Gaara yawned, "Shower," he said, his voice was raspy and low.
"Okay, well, I guess I will cook some dinner." Said Temari, looking for the way into the kitchen, 'this is going to take some getting used to,' she thought.
"Well I'll just... I'll just …wank." Said Kankuro with a smirk. He walked up stairs to claim his room, and opened his laptop on. 'Wireless internet! Maybe this won't be so bad after all!'
Gaara got undressed slowly; his room was nice, a bed with red sheets and dresser with the leaf symbol carved into it. A book shelf, which was empty except for one book about the history of the village. One thing he was glad of, was that he had a private bathroom, already he felt more comfortable here than he did in Suna. He was glad to leave; the scars of his life there were still fresh in his mind and on his skin. The last few days there had been traumatic to say the least. His father had always hated him, but things had gone too far.
It was a hot dry day as usual in Suna, Gaara was at their house, in his room. Kankuro and Temari were on a mission, but they were going to be back soon. Until then it meant Gaara got tormented by his father, he was used to it. But it still frightened him and made him pissed off to say the least. He couldn't kill the man, every time he looked into his eyes he saw his mother who died for him. Then, the uncle he had killed, the cat he had accidentally butchered in a fit of rage, the birds whose heads he had blindly ripped off, the little girl who tried to touch him after his father had beaten him. Her disappearance had been covered up, Gaara couldn't remember, but he knew he had done something. This was his private pain, an army of those he hurt. A constant vision of faces and things he had effected. His guilt. His fault. His doing.
He heard a noise down stairs.
'Hmm he must be home... I bet he is drunk again' he thought as something smashed in the kitchen. Faintly he heard footsteps coming up to his room followed by his door opening.
"Hello son, my boy." The man said walking in to the room. Gaara didn't say anything, he had never been addressed so… So nicely, by his father.
"Can I sit down?"
Gaara was too stunned to move. His father took his silence as a yes and sat down on his bed with him.
"I like that." His father said pointing to a poster of Bullet for my Valentine that was half falling down on his wall.
"It's very nice." His dad said.
Gaara noticed with a chill that the man's voice had an eerie pitch to it.
"You want to know a secret... I've always loved you the most…"
"Wha….?" Gaara tried to say but before he could even finish the word he was pinned to the bed. His father was on top of him straddling him and Gaara's hands were crushed in the mans grip. He struggled under his father and made to yell as his was gagged.
"I'm going to fuck you boy, and then I'm going to kill you, you ruined my life by being born, I'm going to ruin yours…This will be painful."
His father undid his son's pants and pulled them right off. With one hand he flipped him over and began to hit Gaara's ass. He was adding his chakra to each hit and soon Gaara was dizzy with pain. He felt his dads hand slip between his legs and grasp him. Gaara tried to resist him, but he was suddenly overwhelmed with pleasure. Gaara tried to ignore the sickness of the act, but told himself this is what people who loved each other did. Soon he was hard and throbbing, bucking his hips into his father's hand wanting and needing more.
His father stopped. Gaara heard him walk about the room. He watched his tears create spots the bed sheet, before he could clear his eyes he was flipped over onto his back. In his father's hand was a razor blade. He put it to his son's skin under his belly button and sliced. Gaara let out a scream, which was muffled by large hand. Gaara's his eyes rolled back into his head. Time was moving slowly, maybe it was even coming to a halt. He lost count of cuts his father had made, had he even started counting? His body felt wet, was it blood? He was beginning to lose feeling in his arms and legs. His father touched a pleasurable spot on his body, he was too unfocused to understand what and where, until pain rippled through him from his crotch.
Gaara was paralyzed, he felt like his skin was being pealed off and metal slabs were crushing his more private places. It was agonising, he didn't know if he was screaming or crying, if his head was really splitting like it felt or if parts of his body had been severed completely off. He was becoming numb and merely looked ahead unfocused. Was this really happening to him, or was he sleepwalking? Perhaps he fell asleep watching Saw again. Though his usual nightmares didn't spin so badly. He hardly registered when his father turned him over on to his stomach. The only reason he knew was there were black blotches from lack of air dancing in his vision.
"This is going to hurt; I'm going to hurt you like you have hurt me." His fathers voice broke like lightning through the darkness of his eyelids. Were his eyes closed, or was he blind? Maybe it was his blanket? He remembered thinking that he should have done the washing. Strange the thoughts that come.
Gaara lost conciseness as his father was about enter him. The last thing Gaara felt was his demon Shukaku waiting to take over his body.
The next thing Gaara knew he was in the hospital. From what information he managed to gather, Temari and Kankuro had come home and into Gaara's room as he lost consciousness. The demon Shukaku hadn't managed to take over his body.
They had gotten their father off him and rushed him to the hospital. The medic nins, were able to wake Gaara up, before Shukaku was unleashed. While he was recovering, Temari had pressed charges on their father, but on a random and unfair change of events the village asked them to leave. Saying that Gaara was too dangerous to be there and the life of his father the Sunagakure was more important. If Gaara stayed he would tarnish the sand's image, and therefore had to go, or be killed. The entire council had overlooked that Gaara had almost been raped.
Gaara sighed, 'and now I'm here.'
The memory of that day haunted him still. He turned on the shower and let the water wash over him. He touched the scars on his stomach; they were deep and still healing. Scabs had formed and Gaara could trace out every slash his father had taken. They went from his belly button down wards to his thighs. He was torn between intense rage, a desire to lose control and kill, and a great sadness. He wanted to be the scared little boy he was - he had been. He wanted to scream and yell – 'to hell with life!' But he couldn't, he had always been a killer. He had always destroyed everything he touched. He bent over and cradled his legs, letting the water redden the skin on his back. After a moment, a tear dropped onto his leg and disappeared down the drain.
The next morning he awoke early. He had managed to fall asleep sometime after 4am. That's when he had stopped watching the alarm clock.
The sun was almost up and a little speck was shining right though his window on to his face, "mm fuck school." He mumbled and rolled over. Konoha had surprisingly comfy beds. For the insomniac of the century that was defiantly a plus.
"You have to go." Said Kankuro who was sitting at the end of his bed.
"Why the fuck are you watching me sleep?"
"Because I care about you and I'm here for you," Kankuro gave a big cheesy salesperson grin. "And someone needs to make sure you go to school. It won't be that bad…"
Kankuro handed him some bacon and eggs with toast." Temari made some breakfast…You didn't eat dinner last night so...anyway, eat, get up and I'll walk you to school. How's that for incentive ha!"
Kankuro left the room grinning to himself. Garra smiled slightly, he was glad his brother cared, they had gotten closer over the years and Gaara was glad to have someone like him. He picked at his breakfast. It was good, Temari was good at cooking he would give her that. He always missed her food when she was on missions. Not that he ever ate it all, but it was comforting because it was a constant.
He got up and stretched, it was too early for this. He found in his wardrobe that whoever had picked his clothes had good taste. He put on some black skinny leg jeans and a long sleeve fish net shirt. He then went over to the bag he had brought and pulled out a blue top which he put over the fish net, it read, 'rock is dead, paper killed it.' The shirt was a present that Kankuro had gotten him for his birthday a long time ago. He didn't really like it, but it fit well. Lastly he put some black eyeliner around his eyes, along with a pink and orange hemp bracelet that was on the dresser. Numbly he smoothed hair down over the 'love' symbol on his forehead and picked up the new shoulder bag from the ground. He saw that it already had books and pens in it, so grabbing that and his timetable he went down stairs.
Kankuro was waiting at the door to walk him to school and smiled up at his brother.
"You look good Gaara," he purred, "you just need some pink sparkly hairclips." He joked.
"Shut up, are you going to walk me or not?" Gaara said reaching for his gourd.
"Yeah, yeah, come on. Wait leave that here. It makes you look creepy."
"Fine," Gaara said letting go of his sand with a sigh.
"Goodbye boys!" Temari's voice rang from the kitchen.
They walked in silence observing their new home. People turned and watched them, their ninja bands showed that they were of the sand and the sand was once an enemy of the leaf. Gaara wore his on his on his upper arm, but felt as though everyone in the street had seen it anyway. They turned a corner together and saw the building with a sign out front saying Konoha high: Ninja Academy in large block letters.
"Good luck.' Said Kankuro who had already disappeared up the road they had just walked down.
"Fuck…. Fuck fuck." Gaara said under his breath, as he took a few steps forward into the school, he really didn't want to do this.
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Read and review.
Next chapter: Day one.
by the waaay, justto clarify Gaara can fall asleep - insomniac but he CAN, however when he gets knocked unconscious by someone else Shukaku takes over. so in a fight he would get knocked out only to get up as Shukaku. That's how its gonna work for this fic anyway.
-Arrow